Philadelphia

The Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame: A Tradition like no other

At the Coggin, we like to focus mainly on Philadelphia sports and national stories that catch our attention, but every now and again an athlete or a sports figure comes along that demands our respect.

This is why the Coggin has decided to form the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame, where we honor those that need to be honored, nay, those that MUST be honored.

So, we are proud to make the announcement of our first inductee into the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame. With this honor, this individual will receive all rites and privileges that come along with it, including but not limited too 25% off of all Coggin Toboggan merchandise* and three retweets from our official Twitter account of his or her choice.

Ladies and gentleman, the first member of the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame….

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Check out our new feature: A brand new viral video that we made!

This is a first for the Coggin. Our crack team of video editors has made our very first video that we are sure will go viral. They assure us that it will definitely be well received and our readers will absolutely love it.

We don’t want to spoil the surprise, but we will say that the video definitely is not about sports. It does, however, have a very catchy theme song that our video producers assure us will have our viewers tapping their toes and singing along throughout the entire 11 minute video.

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Chip Kelly vs. Lesean McCoy, how a rumor is born (a play in 8 acts)

The Coggin has been flooded with reports today in regards to the alleged rumor of the dustup between head coach Chip Kelly and traded running back Lesean McCoy. The following is a reenactment between the two around week 12 of last season. Lets watch, shall we?

mccoy

Damn coach, too many sprints today at practice, you’ve got to be shitting me.

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Did you just say you want to be hitting me, Shady?!

mccoy

Wait, what? No, no coach I said you’re got to be shitting me, shitting me. Not hitting. Man get off my back.

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600

Smack? Did you just say get off my smack? You’re a big boy, Shady, you know what you said. Tell me what you fucking said.

mccoy

…….

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600

……..

mccoy

…….

Don't get too comfortable, Sam. Ahhhhhhhh I’m just messing with you Shady! I had you for a second, I have to say, I think you’d fold under questioning ::turns to Howie Roseman:: I can’t wait to trade that piece of garbage to Buffalo.

The End

The Bongo Cam is the most recognizable part of the Phillies franchise
I can hear that beat right now....

I can hear that beat right now….

Philadelphia, PA – For the third season in a row, Phillies fans rated the “Bongo Cam,” the in-game piece of entertainment, as the most recognizable and enjoyable part of the Phillies franchise.

“For the third year in a row, the Phillies fans have spoken. In our annual poll of our season ticket fans, The Bongo Cam was far and away the top performer. The fans not only named it the best fan experience in the stadium, but also said it was the most dependable member of the franchise and wished it could play right field,” an anonymous Phillies employee told The Coggin.

The festive video encourages fans to get out of their seats and play an imaginary pair of bongos on the Phillies big outfield screens. The video always brings a smile to the face of the guests as they watch their fellow fans play along with the lively music.

“Usually it’s by far the most entertaining part of any game they attend,” the employee said. “We began playing it every eighth inning last year to at least give the fans an excuse to stay that late.”

For the third year in a row, Jonathan Papelbon and Ruben Amaro Jr. finished at a tie in dead last in the poll.

Editor’s Note: What would Chief Brody do in a situation like this?

This is currently what I’m doing in Chicago while I’m here for my job.

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She’s not right Martin …. Yes she is. ::slam::

Fuck and yes. I couldn’t go an entire day without posting something to the Coggin, would Chief Brody approve? Of course he wouldn’t. Did he moan and pout when the little Kitner boy was attacked and killed in Amity when he should have closed the beaches? Of course he didn’t…he got shitfaced drunk and accompanied Matt Hooper out on his boat and found the wreckage of Ben Gardner’s sloop.

He wouldn’t whine about being on a work trip, he’d just spout something witty, maybe something like, “You’re going to need a bigger boat” and then get over it.

By far the best movie ever. If you’re going to be a fan of the Coggin and tell me you’ve never seen Jaws, I will immediately ban you from this blog.

SMILE YOU SON OF A BITCH … we’ll be back tomorrow.

Rumor: Eagles planning a blockbuster trade with St. Louis Rams
Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Philadelphia, PA – In an off season with a number of controversial moves and signings, rumor has it the Philadelphia Eagles are planning on trying to complete a blockbuster trade with the St. Louis Rams.

Sources are telling the Coggin that the Eagles are planning to trade Sam Bradford to the Cleveland Browns for their first round pick, and then package their first round pick and ship both to the St. Louis Rams for quarterback Nick Foles.

“Word has it that Eagles Head Coach Chip Kelly loves the kid….he’d do anything to get Foles. I’ve never seen him higher on another quarterback,” An anonymous source told the Coggin.

Chip Kelly did not confirm or deny the reports, but he did give a wink to a reporter when asked the question.

It would be a stunning turn of events, as the Eagles would position themselves to acquire a potential franchise quarterback to build their organization around for years to come. It would come at a high cost, but if one is to believe Kelly’s game plan, a quarterback like Foles is someone you can’t undervalue.

As of press time, Kelly was also make inquiries to the Buffalo Bills as to the availability of young running back Lesean McCoy. He was rumored to have offered the Eagles 2016 first round pick and inside linebacker Kiko Alonso.

Holy shit, did you guys hear about our NCAA correspondent, Robert Durst?
Who knew?!

Who knew?!

I can’t believe this, but did you guys hear about Robert Durst? If you’re familiar, he was a correspondent that we paid, handsomely I might add, to give us his thoughts on the NCAA March Madness tournament.

He had forwarded his resume to us before the tournament started and it looked legitimate. Professional handicapper? Check. Years of college basketball analysis? Check. A perfect bracket in the last two NCAA basketball tournaments? Check plus.

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Editor’s Note: An opening day tradition!
Sorry Phanatic, you're going to hell.

Sorry Phanatic, you’re going to hell.

I have read this article ever year on Opening Day for the past five seasons. It might be, and I quote, the single greatest thing I have ever read involving Christianity and Philadelphia baseball. Every single time I read it, I marvel at how much joy I’m able to garner from someone that has a vastly different worldview than I do.

Please, before reading the horrible things I have to say, go read it for yourself. It’s acceptable to be a Phillies Phanatic but a fanatic about Jesus? Not so much. by Lisa Small. 

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Fuck ya’ll, all ya’ll

HI top fadeEvery so often, the CT will check in with rookie sensation Nerlens Noel and his signature hi-top fade haircut to get his take on the 76ers season so far. We at CT take no responsibility for the opinions of the hi-top or his world views. On to today’s edition:

Philadelphia 76ers (18-58). Who is even on this team anymore?

To all you pieces of garbage that wanted us traded? FUCK YOU. LOOK AT US NOW, MOTHER FUCKERS.

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