St. Louis Rams

Rams owner Stan Kroenke calls only friend with pickup truck for first time in 10 years

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Stan “the man” Kroenke.

St. Louis, Mo. – St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke reportedly called his buddy Mark “MoonDog” Madison for the first time in nearly a decade Tuesday morning.

Kroenke said he wanted to “catch up” with Madison and it was simply a coincidence that the “MoonDogger” is his only acquaintance who owns with a pickup truck.

“MoonDog, it’s Stan, how you been buddy? I know it’s been a while since I rapped at ya, but I just wanted to see how you old salty son of a bitch was doing,” Kroenke said. “Yeah I know, it’s been a long time. I’ve been busy with the St. Louis Rams…well, you must have seen the news, we’re not really the St. Louis Rams anymore. Off to Los Angeles next season buddy, La La land, hitting the big time! You didn’t hear about that huh? Get the net, MoonDogger, come on.”

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Wes Welker: ‘I should be playing for the St. Louie Hams’

ap292887376178St. Louis, MO – Current free-agent wide receiver Wes Welker, who enjoyed many fine years with the Patriots and Broncos before suffering several severe concussions, worked out for the St. Louis Rams today in hopes of rejuvenating his stalled career.

The 34-year-old wide receiver has worked out for several teams this year and the last, having not played a game in the NFL since 2014.

He continues to express disbelief that he is not employed by an NFL team, who may be wary of signing the once elite receiver due to his history of concussions.

“I strongly believe I should still be in the National Federation Football League. The doctors say my brain function may not do too good, but I can still catch that dogskin with the best of them. Just give me a chance and I can lead this organization in catching feet, I tell you,” He told several assembled reporters at the Rams practice facility.

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Rumor: Eagles planning a blockbuster trade with St. Louis Rams

Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Young hotshot quarterback Nick Foles is apparently on the Eagles radar.

Philadelphia, PA – In an off season with a number of controversial moves and signings, rumor has it the Philadelphia Eagles are planning on trying to complete a blockbuster trade with the St. Louis Rams.

Sources are telling the Coggin that the Eagles are planning to trade Sam Bradford to the Cleveland Browns for their first round pick, and then package their first round pick and ship both to the St. Louis Rams for quarterback Nick Foles.

“Word has it that Eagles Head Coach Chip Kelly loves the kid….he’d do anything to get Foles. I’ve never seen him higher on another quarterback,” An anonymous source told the Coggin.

Chip Kelly did not confirm or deny the reports, but he did give a wink to a reporter when asked the question.

It would be a stunning turn of events, as the Eagles would position themselves to acquire a potential franchise quarterback to build their organization around for years to come. It would come at a high cost, but if one is to believe Kelly’s game plan, a quarterback like Foles is someone you can’t undervalue.

As of press time, Kelly was also make inquiries to the Buffalo Bills as to the availability of young running back Lesean McCoy. He was rumored to have offered the Eagles 2016 first round pick and inside linebacker Kiko Alonso.

Philadelphia put on 24-hour suicide watch

RIP.

RIP.

Philadelphia, PA – Following a day that saw Nick Foles and several draft picks traded for oft-injured quarterback Sam Bradford, the city of Philadelphia has been placed on a 24-hour suicide watch.

“We feel that with everything going on with the Eagles right now, this measure must be taken,” Mayor Michael Nutter said. “Calls have flooded into city hall since last night, detailing instances of city sports fan feeling depressed and not knowing if it’s worth going on.”

As such, city residents have had their shoelaces confiscated and their bed sheets removed to make sure no hangings take place in the next 24 hours.

BREAKING NEWS:

The suicide watch has since been expanded to 72 hours after the news that Ryan Mathews was signed by the Eagles this morning and former Gov. Ed Rendell was found dead in his home from a shotgun blast to the head.

Sam Bradford tears both ACLs and dislocates elbow answering his cell phone

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Sam Bradford in his natural state.

St. Louis, MO – Hustling to answer his ringing cell phone yesterday, newly acquired quarterback bumped into a footstool and simultaneously tore both ACLs in his knees.

As he tumbled to the floor, the 27 year old quarterback gruesomely dislocated the elbow of his throwing arm, the joint bending in the wrong direction at a 90 degree angle.

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