Eagles

This is the part of the Eagles season where Michael Myers sits up

It’s a few days after the Eagles defeated their toughest challenge on the season, the 4-1 Carolina Panthers, by a score of 28 to 23. The roster is flying high. Everyone is feeling good. Nothing can stop them.

And Michael Myers is lurking with his butchers knife, just waiting to pop out nowhere and ruin everyone’s shit. But, like in every one of those movies, there’s always a hero that sends him back to hell. Does this franchise finally have their “final girl” (the moniker given to the final survivor in a slasher movie, typically a young, busty, virginal blonde) in Carson Wentz?

I say yes.

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What happens when Andy Reid beats the Eagles in Super Bowl LII?

Dateline: FEB. 4, 2018. Minneapolis, Minn. 10:37 p.m.

Joe Buck: “Harrison Butker lines up from the 20, a 37 yard field goal to send the Chiefs home with the Lombardi trophy…two seconds remaining, Eagles 24, Chiefs 23. Remember, this Chiefs drive started from their own 2 yard line with just 2 minutes remaining. A brilliant drive from Alex Smith and the Chiefs, with some tremendous play calling from Reid, perfect use of his three remaining timeouts.

Troy Aikman: “Just an unbelievable job from Smith and Reid to put the Chiefs in this position.”

Buck: “This for the game. The snap is good…the kick is up…anddddddddddd…..IT’S GOOD! AND THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS ARE YOUR SUPER BOWL LII CHAMPIONS, BEATING THE EAGLES BY A SCORE OF 23 TO 24. OH MY.”

Aikman: “And it couldn’t have happened to a better coach than Andy Reid, against the team he began his head coaching career with. Finally answering the criticisms and getting over the hump, tolling the bell with a masterful, clock eating drive. Using all of his remaining timeouts in brilliant fashion. Just a perfectly called final two minutes by Reid to become the 2018 NFL champions. Oh my.”

I have had a vision. I have foreseen how I will die.

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Colin Cowherd announces he will be at Sunday’s Eagles game. What should be done?

Well well well, look at what we have here. Human ventriloquist dummy Colin Cowherd announced today on Twitter (if he’s not lying, which he most likely is) he will be in attendance at Sunday’s Eagles game, sitting somewhere in section 217.

The proof, as the famous saying goes, is in the Twitter of the plastic-faced, ratings hungry dullard:

I’m SURE he’s lying and will not actually be at the game Sunday. Would you show up in front of 40,000 rabid Philadelphians who have been drinking in the Jetro lots since 5 a.m., just a mere 6 days since you spouted out this nonsense:

But if he is…what should be done about it? What wrath shall be brought down upon one of the most hated talking heads in America?

I hesitate to suggest this course of action because of its…well….intense nature, but should we really be sympathetic when it comes to Cowherd? Doesn’t he deserve to be put in his place and finally pay the price for all of foul and vile statements he has made in the past?

I think so, but this suggestion is akin to dropping a nuclear bomb. It will bring about victory, but at what cost? What destruction will be wrought from our victory? Do we need to ruin a man’s life over something said on a poorly rated and low viewed radio/television show?

Yes. Yes we do.

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Should Doug Pederson be criticized for not getting his best offensive option more involved?

The best coaches in the NFL play to their players’ strengths and hide their players’ weaknesses. A coach doesn’t mold his team in his vision, but he molds his vision to his team.

A coach like Bill Belichick sees what his players do well, puts them in a position that plays to their strengths, and limits their exposure to hide their deficiencies.

It’s an indomitable fact. This is what successful coaches do and how good teams win. So, why is Doug Pederson refusing to showcase the best offensive option the Eagles have and limiting their explosive scoring potential?

Yes, the Eagles won, but it’s more of a concern that Pederson can’t see the forest for the trees.

It makes no sense. Is he being stubborn? Does he not see what he has in front of him? Either way, it’s a huge concern moving forward in the season.

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I don’t know about you, but I missed Doug Pederson’s wide receiver screens

Forget about the Eagles only running the ball 13 times, or Doug Pederson acting like a toddler on Christmas morning and only playing with a cardboard box when his brand new LeGarrette Blount sits unloved on the sideline. No. What I missed most on Sunday was Doug’s dedication to his wide receiver screen game plan that has given the team so much success in the past.

How can you expect to keep a defense honest when you don’t throw in at least one or two wide receiver screens a game? You’re doing yourself a disservice when you don’t give Wentz the opportunity to throw a haphazard pass to an unprepared receiver 8-yard behind the line of scrimmage.

He let the fans down and he let his team down. Bring the screen back Doug, we beg of you.

Or at least run the ball more than 13 GODDAMN TIMES. Fuck my life. Mix in a draw once in a while so I don’t have to see Carson Wentz overthrow/underthrow every single pass he throws over 25-yards. Jesus.

Other game notes after the jump:

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If the Eagles lose week 2 against Kansas City is the season over?

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Photo credit: NJ.com

1-0 after week 1. Good job guys. Good effort. Great to get out of D.C. with a victory over the hated Washington Native Americans (name changed to keep this blog as a safe space) and come back to Philadelphia a winner.

Not so fast though. The season is in trouble, and anyone with a good pair of eyes can see it.

With a week 2 jaunt against the Kansas City Chiefs looming over the franchise, we have to face some serious facts about the season already.

If the Eagles lose against the Chiefs next Sunday, is the season over?

I say yes.

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Pennywise the Dancing Clown and the Eagles, a perfect match

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This week Stephen King’s horrifying “It” opens in theaters on Friday and the Philadelphia Eagles open their 2017 season this Sunday against the Washington Redskins.

One is a terrifying franchise that has haunted the dreams of its fervent fanbase for decades, and the other is movie about a nightmarish clown.

Now, to the untrained eye, neither of these two things have much in common. But, for the desperate blogger who has already run out of ideas, MAYBE THEY DO?!

If you’re unfamiliar with the novel, an evil spirit appears to children as Pennywise the Clown, who lures them to their doom in a sewer or transforms into their worst nightmare to murder them. So, if you’re scared of werewolves, he’ll appear as a werewolf. If you’re scared of draculas, he’ll appear as a dracula.

What if Pennywise the Clown was real and decided to terrorize the Eagles, what would he appear as? What do the Eagles fear most?

Maybe we should take a look.

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