BREAKING NEWS

The Nationals World Series berth has to bother Bryce Harper, right?

The Washington Nationals, of all teams, are going to the World Series.

Bryce Harper is going to play under his sixth manager in nine seasons next year.

Do you think it bugs him? Of course it bugs him, how could it not? His entire stretch with the Nationals was plagued by the teams inability to escape the first round of the playoffs, no matter how talented the rosters were. He leaves, and suddenly the perennial choke artists are going to the biggest stage of baseball.

Sure, they’ll lose to the Astros or the Yankees, but still…what does Harper think?

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Sam Darnold’s spleen had the best day out of anyone on the Jets as Eagles roll

Well well well, what do we have here. Five games into the season and the Eagles find themselves at 3-2, tied with the rotten Cowboys of Dallas at the top of the NFC East as Dak Prescott threw THREE interceptions against the Packers and couldn’t complete the late comeback.

Not too easy when you’re playing the dregs of the NFL anymore, is it fellas?

Ten sacks. Two defensive touchdowns. Two interceptions. It was a massacre from the jump as Adam Gase couldn’t crazy eye his team to victory and Luke Falk may or may not have shed a few tears at halftime.

Sam Darnold’s spleen definitely let out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t cleared to play in the 31-6 demolition of what could be the worst team in all of football.

On to Minnesota. Random thoughts on the game after the jump:

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Eagles stomp all over the sharpest of Wisconsin cheddars in their march to victory

The Eagles sent the Green Bay faithful packing to their houses made of cheese curds and beer brats with a stunning 34-27 victory that may or may not send old Uncle Coggin to an early grave.

Ten seconds was all it took to completely believe the Eagles were destined to give up yet another fourth quarter victory to SCREAMING at Nigel Bradham to get the fuck down and not fumble the game winning interception as salty Aaron Rodgers looked on in disgust, perhaps thinking back to fonder times when he still spoke to his extended family.

It was a season saver. 2-2, onto the bloated, rotting corpse of the Jets next week, and they’re rolling.

Random game thoughts after the jump:

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The Blame Game – Lions 27, Eagles 24 Edition

Does the F-Lot Crew still have that coffin from two weeks ago? I wouldn’t mind laying down, closing the lid, and sleeping forever after watching the Eagles fall to 1-2 on the year after dropping yet another winnable game to the Lions.

This is a new segment at the Coggin. The Blame Game. Let’s throw some blame around for who was most responsible for a putrid loss, let’s get it all off our chests today, and let’s start things FRESH tomorrow for the inevitable heartbreaking letdown we’re bound to experience at Lambeau this Thursday.

Let’s throw some blame around after the jump.

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Last night’s Phillies game featured a double “Velasquez,” the stat that is sweeping the nation

My god, what a 24-hours it’s been. Fame, fortune, women, power, and the cocaine. MY GOD THE COCAINE. I’ve been yakked out of my gourd with fine Bolivian nose candy since Thursday morning as I’ve REVELED in the fame that creating a new MLB statistic brings you.

Last night’s Braves/Phillies matchup featured two starting pitchers so inept they combined for a rare DOUBLE VELASQUEZ, something you’ll be telling your grandkids about one day.

The “Velasquez,” ladies and gentlemen, is sweeping the nation.

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It is time for the MLB to recognize the “Velasquez” as an official stat

I’m not a stat guy. Never have, never will be. I go by my GUT and by my highly trained EYE to make decisions on the players I watch. Oh, your starting pitching has a high VoRP, but a below average WARP, so he’s not very effective? I could have told you that by just hearing the smack of one of his pitches as it hits a weathered, oiled catcher’s mitt on a bright summer’s day. That’s baseball, sonny, not nerds with their slide rules and protractors measuring launch velocity and bat angles.

But one stat I can get behind? One that all of baseball should recognize as a sign of extraordinary FUTILITY for starting pitching is the “Velasquez,” a statistic of my own creation.

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What Philadelphia sports media employee could hold onto the WWE 24/7 Championship longest?

We like to truly delve into the philosophical questions of our age at the Coggin Toboggan. What do sports mean to you? What do we get out of them on a metaphysical level? Which Philadelphia announcer would be able to hold onto the WWE’s 24/7 Championship Belt longest if push came to shove?

If you’re not one of the cool, well-adjusted kids like I am and don’t watch WWE programming on the regular, let me explain the 24/7 Championship Belt to you. It’s a championship that is defended 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and serves mainly as a comedic set piece for the professional wrestling juggernaut.

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