Like Allen Iverson driving to TGI Fridays on half-off double margs night, I am beyond excited. The 76ers are BACK BABY and hold more promise than any other year that I can remember.
Sure, we were excited for the 2001-2002 season after their improbable run to the finals, but Derrick Coleman and Vonteego Cummings don’t quite move the needle for me like a healthy Markelle Fultz and a no-time-restrictions Joel Embiid.
It’s a NEW SEASON and it calls for BOLD TAKES from the media to desperately top themselves after a year of mystery injuries, burner accounts, and one of the most entertaining seasons of basketball we’ve seen in nearly two decades.
So here it is. FIFTY BOLD PREDICTIONS in no particular order for the upcoming 2018-2019 Philadelphia 76ers season.
Before human piece of white toast Pat Shurmur is inevitably fired following a 2-14 season, the best thing he could do for the Giants franchise is to put measures in place to keep Saquon Barkley as far away from Odell Beckham Jr. as possible. Put their stalls on opposite sides of the locker room, keep their interactions limited to a bare minimum, spray Barkley with a water bottle if he comes within 20-feet of Beckham…anything to keep one of the worst teammates in the NFL away from one of its best young talents.
Beckham is an awful teammate. He is a black hole of shit. He sucks teammates into his gravitational pull and crushes them under the weight of his diva attitude, molding them into less talented, just as disgruntled clones of himself. Sterling Shepard has already circled the drain, sucked into the Beckham maelstrom; suddenly imploding on the sideline during games and fighting inanimate objects while the Giants find themselves down by two touchdowns yet again.
If you haven’t heard it by now, Gabe Kapler’s impromptu interview this morning with Angelo Cataldi on the 94 WIP Morning Show was quite good. Angelo, despite his many, MANY detractions, knows what makes good radio and can conduct a hell of an interview.
Our friends over at Crossing Broad have the full audio if you haven’t heard it already.
Kapler and Cataldi go back and forth over a recent Cataldi column in “Philly Voice,” in which Cataldi criticizes the way GM Matt Klentak put together this year’s roster, going as far as to call Klentak “incompetent.”
Is he wrong? Maybe not, but the team was never viewed as contending this year and did outperform a Vegas win prediction several games. They did have a 14-win improvement over the abominable 2017 season and seem to be trending in the right direction.
Kapler of course defends his team and the GM, sparring with Cataldi over a very interesting and professionally conducted 13 minute interview.
But here’s where my skin bristles and the bile rises in the back of my throat.
The Fanatic had quite a week. Harry Mayes? LET GO. Eytan Shander? LET GO. Anthony Gargano? DEMOTED. Mike Missanelli? STILL AN ASSHOLE.
By my count, the Fanatic is down to about three on-air hosts, a handful of producers, and countless ad reps desperately trying to re-up their accounts with Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza before they catch wind of the sinking ship that is the Fanatic.
The station obviously need some new hosts, some new talent to SHAKE UP THE STATUS QUO and tweet out some new and exciting poll questions from the station’s twitter handle for fans to shit all over.
And here’s where I’d normally make a wacky and UTTERLY HILARIOUS fake resume and fake job application to throw my name into the mix for the job. It’s been done. And done again it seems. Just great stuff there. Well played Coggin.
But at this point, is it even realistic anymore to even PRETEND to want to work for the Fanatic? It’s like a curse at this point to work for the station, a horror movie come to life. Everything starts off well, but you know something terrible is going to happen to you before everything is over.
Rumor has it if you say Anthony Gargano’s name three times into a mirror he appears and hands you an iron-clad Fanatic contract and uses your toilet for 45 minutes. I don’t need that evil.
What is the Fanatic doing? Is there any actual personnel strategy to these moves, or is it simply a cost-cutting effort by the sports talk station? Has the hull been breached?
If you didn’t see the news this morning, everyone’s favorite under performing fourth line center and Dave Hakstol darling Jori Lehtera is being investigated by Finnish authorities for his alleged role in a massive cocaine ring.
According to the article, Lehtera’s lakeside cottage was raided this summer by Finnish authorities for its possible connection to a cocaine ring. It’s unclear from the article (which is in Finnish) if any cocaine was found in the cottage. I assume cocaine usually isn’t found in Finnish lakeside cottages, unlike the various gnomes, sprites and elves that dot the region.
Lehtera had all of 8 points in 62(!) games for the Flyers last season and he looked slow as shit all year, so he obviously was not getting high off his own supply.
But, with the franchise possibly being awash in some fine Finnish yak, the presence of Gritty suddenly makes so much more sense.
So, the Flyers dropped a cryptic video onto their Twitter feed yesterday, strongly hinting at rumors that franchise would be introducing a mascot for the second time in franchise history.
A “hilariously” portrayed private investigator finds the mascot’s room deep in the bowels of the Wells Fargo Center, teasing out the reveal of the mascot to the excitement of literally nobody.
Does anybody actually want a Flyers mascot? Is this a good idea? Probably not. But, in the spirit of things, we’ll take a few guesses as to what the big reveal will presumably be this week.
Yesterday, I found myself struggling to keep my head above water at work and I took a deep, deep dive into a Don Rickles YouTube wormhole. There’s nothing better than watching old talk show clips of Rickles tearing celebrities to shreds as a delighted Johnny Carson or David Letterman look on, unable to stop the hilarious carnage as he barrels over flustered guests and ugly audience members.
I came across a web series produced by the AARP called “Dinner with Don,” released in 2017, featuring a 91-year-old Rickles having dinner with a different celebrity each week. It’s a blatant rip-off of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” and Rickles looks like he can barely keep his head up through the entire taping, but he’s still Rickles and the guests are all interesting, so it’s a great time waster if you’re a fan.
In an interview with Rich Eisen, Rickles drops a gem about the only Super Bowl he’s ever attended, the 1981 Super Bowl XV featuring the Eagles and the Raiders.
According to Rickles, he was in the Eagles locker room before the game and took offense at the VERY Catholic prayer circle, as you can after the jump: