The summer is upon us. The weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer, the 76ers had their annual second round playoffs exit (sob), and a shattered city hopelessly turns its attention to the Phillies to try to get through the long, humid months before the start of football.
3-1 counts! Mound visits! Pitching changes! Ben Davis prattling on like he thinks if he stops talking he’ll die! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!
One thing that did catch my eye is the Phillies announcement of its annual “Phillies 2019 Phantastic Auction” which allows fans to bid on once-in-a-lifetime experiences with the team, with all funds going to Phillies Charities Inc., the franchises charitable organization.
I thought it would be a nice diversion from our crippling depression to take a look at some of the more interesting items you can bid on.
I’ll go through a few of these and give you an idea of how much you should bid on each one after the jump.
Before I jump into this, I want to assure you that I know exactly what Angelo Cataldi is doing here. Every dumb take, every contrarian opinion he vomits up on his twitter feed or his Philly Voice column is carefully crafted by an old troll to elicit the biggest response, whether it be positive or negative. I fully doubt he’s had an original or personal thought in his mush filled head for the past decade, as everything he does is designed to bring the most eyes and ears on him as possible.
It’s why he’s the most popular media personality in the city and has been for the last 30 years. He’s a played out old hack with a played out format for a morning show that still CRUSHES the ratings and lays waste to all that comes before it.
Most people will say to ignore him. He’s trolling for attention, they say, and wants a reaction to his nonsense. If he doesn’t get one, he’ll go away.
He’s not a bear, people. Playing dead doesn’t work. He’s not going to just “go away.”
…IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO THEY PICK!
It’s the morning of the NFL Draft and it’s time yet again to invite the rest of the NFC East to eat shit, to eat it long and slow, because the Eagles are STILL the most recent team in the division to win a Super Bowl and it is our RIGHT as champions to roast the rest of the putrid teams in our division.
Yes, I know EVERY SINGLE other team in the NFC East has more championships than the Eagles, but who has the most recent one? The E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES do, damnit, so until that changes this will be an annual roast day to thoroughly humiliate the rest of the NFC East.
We did it last year. We’re doing it again this year. And hopefully the tradition will continue for many years to come.
The power of social media is a vast and mysterious one.
After years of going unacknowledged, the Coggin Toboggan namesake, David Coggin, one of the greatest Phillies relief pitchers of all time, followed us today on Twitter.
WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE.
We lived up to our end of the bargain and donated to David’s charity of choice. We’ve already raised $200 for the Daniel Robertson Family Foundation. If you’ve ever enjoyed this blog over the years I strong advise you make a donation. It’s a great cause.
Now all that’s left for us to do is dust off the old toboggan, polish the girl up, and sled off into the great beyond.
David Coggin. The man. The myth. The legend. The impetus of the greatest Phillies fan group that never got off the ground and the fuel that keeps the best Philadelphia sports blog running hot for the past four years.
But Coggin doesn’t see his namesake. No sir. Coggin blocked us on Twitter YEARS ago, even before I started this stupid blog, after one or two rashly fired off tweets in the name of “comedy” that I thought he would enjoy.
We were young, David, don’t hold us accountable for the sins of our past.
But that all changes now. David, we’re launching a charitable campaign OF YOUR CHOOSING if you unblock us from Twitter and acknowledge our existence. We just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask?
You want to act hard, Washington? You want to act like you don’t care that one of the best young players in baseball chose the PHILLIES over your putrid little franchise and your half-filled stadium?
Well Bryce Harper welcomed you into gen pop, took your shoes, took your belt, and made you follow him around by his pockets last night as he scared the entire Nationals franchise and their fans straight while thousands of invading Phillies fans made life miserable for the home crowd.
He demanded your fruit cups and you gave them to him because you’re all talk and you know it. You’re fresh fish and he’s just reeling you in.
FRESH FISH FRESH FISH FRESH FISH FRESH FISH.
Harper, the Phillies, and the traveling caravan of Phillies fans punked the entire Washington franchise and their cutesy attempts to welcome back the man that won them an MVP in 2015.
I can’t believe this is a narrative that is already taking off. Thanks to NJ.com and two hapless idiots who decided to boo Bryce Harper in the vicinity of some schmuck recording on their iPhone, the national media is now trotting out the old tired narrative of Philadelphia fans being too harsh on their own players.
Thanks to NJ.com and this headline, “PHILLIES FANS BOO BRYCE HARPER ON OPENING DAY AFTER TWO STRIKEOUTS” you’d be hard pressed to defend Phillies fans for their boorish behavior. Booing Harper on his first day of a 13-year contract? That’s absurd and ignorant.
And then you see the video after the jump and what the “booing” consisted of.