PETA to Carson Wentz: ‘Less real hunting, more hunting for a Super Bowl’

voila_capture-2016-09-29_08-45-37_amThis unpublished press release has been intercepted by our moles working in the PETA national office. Apparently the animal-loving organization is turning its hateful eyes on Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz after a recent photo of him hunting deer during the bye week hit the Twitter-verse.

It’s a bold new foray into sports for the animal rights organization and it’s likely to ruffle some feathers in this city. What do you think?


Joel Embiid’s inexperience on full display, shows up to practice in cleats


Embiid still has a long way to go.

Philadelphia, PA – Third-year member of the 76ers Joel Embiid stepped on the court in a competitive setting for the first time since 2014 yesterday, but the talented, yet raw, center showed he has miles to go before he reaches his true potential.

He showed his lack of experience throughout practice, scrambling to defend pick and rolls all morning, biting on every pump fake in the post, and struggling to find grip on the hardwood court due to wearing metal cleats to practice.


Jim Schwartz rewards himself with relaxing fugue state after each game


Fugued out.

Philadelphia, PA – Defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz did not meet with media after the Eagles 34-3 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers. The intensely devoted Schwartz instead chose to take some time for himself, unwind, and place himself in a nice fugue state to calm down after the stress of coaching an NFL game.

Schwartz typically will retire to room 57-B in bowels of Lincoln Financial Field after a game, find a nice spot in the corner of the room, and face the wall for hours at a time until he loses all conscious thought and memory of self.


Neither Clinton or Trump address the foreign threats to America’s wrestling championships


Why don’t either of these candidates touch on the real threats to America?

Usually don’t like to get political on this site, but after the debates last night it was quite clear that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton nor Republican nominee Donald Trump were both ducking the most pressing issue facing this country.

Moderator Lester Holt proved to be in way over his head when he didn’t even ask the broach the subject, despite it having lasting effects on every American in this country, young and old.

What is being done to protect America’s wrestling championships against the foreign menace?


Nick Foles after watching Sam Bradford, Carson Wentz: ‘I could do that’

pi-nfl-chiefs-nick-foles-082116-vadapt-664-high-54Kansas City – Second string Kansas City Chief quarterback Nick Foles, watching highlights of former Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford and current Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, shook his head and muttered dejectedly to himself after another week of not getting off the sidelines.

After seeing the highlight of Wentz side-stepping a rusher, running along the line of scrimmage, and finding Darren Sproles for a 73-yard touchdown to seal a win against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Foles couldn’t help but find fault in the play.


Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

Bobby Hoying

Last week’s picker, Bobby Hoying, went 2-0 in his predictions. Will this week’s guest picker keep the good times rolling?

Wow, what a start to the season so far. Our guest pickers are both 2-0 against the spread and win/loss predictions, and for the first time in ages my bookie hasn’t left threatening voicemails on my cell phone demanding I pay up what I owe him. I’M ON A BISCUIT TRAIN WITH GRAVY WHEELS, so let’s keep the good times rolling.

Last week, Bobby Hoying nailed his picks and didn’t disappoint in his column. Accurate prediction? Check. Casual racism? Check. High on cocaine? Double check. He’s a Philadelphia legend, that’s for sure.

Things get tougher this week with the Eagles (+3.5) hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers and their jailbird roster at 4:25 p.m. this Sunday.

Here’s our record so far:

Win/Loss prediction record: 2-0

Against the spread: 2-0

But who have we brought in to make the week 3 pick? Will they keep the good times rolling?


Isn’t it time Penn State honors Joe Paterno again?


A real Penn State hero.

It seems like, oh, less than a week since the last time Penn State honored former coach Joe Paterno for putting the university’s football program on the map and ignoring (and possibly hiding) a horrendous, decades long sexual assault scandal of hundreds of children by his assistant coach Jerry Sandusky.

Isn’t it about time Penn State honors Joe Pa again?

Come on! It gives the sycophants in the football program ANOTHER reason to trot out the old memories of their beloved coach, while it gives the rest of us, the sane people who don’t support a man who turned a blind eye to his assistant coach ruining the lives of hundreds of children and their families, a chance to again express our outrage that this man is still being held up as a pillar of the university and community.