This is it Philadelphia. The moment you and I have long been waiting for. The time is ripe for a new leader of men to take the Philadelphia Eagles by the balls and mold it into a franchise you’d be proud to bring home to momma.
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Author: BL
Oh My God This Eagles Team
It’s going to be one of THOSE years I see. Cringing every single time Carson Wentz drops back just waiting for him to either airmail a pass 15-feet over a receiver head, spike a ball at their feet or throw yet another momentum killing interception.
Throwing your hands to the heavens and closing your eyes at yet ANOTHER head scratching call from Doug Pederson. Watching as yet another high Howie draft pick fails to make any kind of impact on the field whatsoever.
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Good Night 76ers by Coggin
In the great Grand Floridian
There was a Coach
Thinking in his room
Warding off thoughts
Off losses and doom
And there were two horrible contracts
And two worthless players
Who made no shots despite all our prayers
And a fanbase who loved to grouse
And no championship trophies to be had in our house
And a superstar center with a brain full of mush
And a coach way out of his league whispering “hush”
Goodnight 76ers
Goodnight playoffs
Goodnight Gargano eating his meals in a trough
Goodnight hope
Goodnight to our GM the dope
Goodnight Sixers
We need more mixers
For the spirits we need
Drank down our gullets with greed
And goodnight Brand
On a one way flight to Kazakhstan
And goodnight Shake
A wide open three you could not make
Goodnight Ben and your cries of glee
And goodnight to his subluxated knee
Goodnight window
Goodnight efforts to not be a lush
Goodnight nobody
Goodnight Embiid’s brain made of mush
And goodnight to the coach whispering “hush”
Goodnight hopes
Goodnight air
Goodnight championship dreams everywhere
Rob Manfred Declares Not Hitting World Series Cheaters Worse Than Domestic Violence
Rob Manfred is like a horse trying to play the piano. He hits all the wrong notes.
With his recent 8-game suspension of Dodgers pitcher Joe Kelly for not hitting any member of the World Series cheating Houston Astros and making goofy faces towards their dugout Manfred has essentially declared that worse than domestic violence.
Let’s examine this not so incredulous claim after the jump.
An Exclusive Look At An In-Progress NFL Social Media Zoom Course
Using sophisticated hacking technology, the Coggin is able to give you an exclusive look at today’s in-progress NFL social media class for its athletes. Due to several social media faux pas, the NFL mandated the course be taken by several of its most recent
Let’s take a look at the ongoing meeting transcript, shall we?
76ers fans were dunking on Shawn Bradley before he even reached the NBA
Yesterday marked the horrifying 27 year anniversary of the 76ers deciding to draft a gawky 7-foot, 7-inch, unathletic version of Frankenstein’s monster over the sublimely talented Penny Hardaway in the 1993 NBA Draft, dooming the franchise to mediocrity until its resurrection by Allen Iverson.
Bradley made a living hanging out at the three-line and meekly patrolling the paint for some of the sorriest Sixers squads I’ve ever seen, while Hardaway and a young Shaquille O’Neal led the Orlando Magic to an NBA championship appearance and several successful postseason runs.
Bring up Bradley to any Sixers fan, even if they weren’t alive during the mid-90s, and they’ll instinctively wretch as memories of the least intimidating ever version of the Slender Man permeate their subconscious.
Half a season into his rookie year and Philadelphia fans knew the organization had drafted a complete dud.
This intrepid Coggin reader, @Cmalet50 on Twitter, and his buddy knew Bradley was a slob months before he even stepped foot on an NBA floor. He shared an incredible story with the Uncle Coggin, which you can see read after the jump.
Just Cancel Baseball Already
Enough is enough. At this point I think we’d all rather watch replays of “Little Big League” and “Major League” on the MLB network than get our hopes up for the off chance the player’s union and the owners decide to stop lobbing passive aggressive tweets at each other to, you know, actually play baseball.
70 games. 60 games. 50 games. 90 games and we play into December in front of rats with open bottles of Schnapps at Citizens Bank Park….who gives a shit. It doesn’t matter at this point.
76ers Have a Great Chance For a Championship This Year, According to a Psychic
Finally, in these trying times, we have ourselves some bonafide good news.
The 76ers, ladies and gentlemen, have the spirits on their side in Orlando, as a bonafide psychic has deemed the Sixers chances for a championship in this strange season as very good.
But, and here’s the BIG catch, only if we believe in them.
Op-Ed: “I’ve Always Hated Baseball” by MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred
Do people still even watch baseball in 2020? With so many other better, faster paced sports to watch, why is baseball even an option for this country? National pastime? More like the national passed-time, if you ask me.
Baseball has been passed over and left to rot on the side of the road. It’s a wonder there’s still a demand for the “bland old game.”
Frankly, I wish it would go away forever.
The Curious Case of Mike Missanelli’s Creaky Coffee Lid
Ahh ha! The game is afoot, dear readers, and Detective Coggin suspects the most foulest of play.
It is my theory, my friends, that Mike Missanelli, the ill-tempered 97.5 the Fanatic midday show host, was the victim of a MOST DEVIOUS scheme yesterday afternoon that has sent shockwaves through the Philadelphia region…nay….THE WORLD.
