76ers

Forget about LeBron, one soon to be cut player can turn the tide of power in favor of the 76ers

Still thinking about the 76ers losing out on the LeBron sweepstakes? Still smarting from Josh Harris saying they “almost” had the greatest living player in the game in a 76ers uniform? Still worried that the 76ers are basically running back the exact same roster from 2017-2018 and are entirely putting too much pressure on Markelle Fultz to return to the form that made him the #1 overall pick?

Well let me put your tortured mind at ease with two words.

Milos. Teodosic.

Lord knows I don’t ask for much. Get this salty Serb into a 76ers uniform right now and you’re punching your ticket to AT LEAST the Eastern Conference Finals.

Who is Milos Teodosic, you ask?

(more…)

Advertisements

And the next General Manager for the 76ers will be…

…Me. It’s me. BAH GAWD, THAT’S COGGIN’S MUSIC.

Yes. I am officially throwing my name into the hat for the vacant general manager position with your hometown Philadelphia 76ers. What once was previously held by an immature and insecure lover of shirts with huge collars will now be held by an immature and insecure man who owns only the finest normal collared shirts that money can buy from Kohls department stores.

The NBA draft is tomorrow, so we need to get moving. We need to put the kettle on the stove, shift into high gear, and cover all our bases to make sure we move this franchise in the RIGHT DIRECTION to optimize our chances of success.

I’ve got all my stock answers and banal statements down, which will surely put me in the good graces of 76ers CEO Scott O’Neil. Let’s check in on Scott’s Twitter account to see if he’s made any decision yet on my application.

image1

Not good! Then again, nothing worthwhile has ever come easy, so it’s just the first of many hurdles I’ll have to vault to prove myself to the franchise and a demanding fan base that has driven lesser men than me completely insane or to an early grave.

After the jump, please see my detailed plan of action for success for the 76ers.

(more…)

Bryan Colangelo throwing his wife under the bus is the act of a true rat

Did anyone expect anything the end of Bryan “with a Y” Colangelo to go any differently when we all heard about this last week? Joe Pesci summed up the entire Colangelo mess with a few perfect lines in Goodfellas:

“Fucking rat. His whole family’s all rats. He would’ve grown up to be a rat too.”

It’s no secret that we at the Toboggan were never fans of man child Bryan Colangelo and his stupidity, troubling relationship with his father, love for huge collars, but this just cements our belief that you were never suited for the job.

Bryan finally grew up into a rat just like his old man when he decided to throw his wife completely and wholeheartedly under the bus instead of accepting any blame whatsoever after the 76ers unceremoniously dumped his ass to the curb after one of the most humiliating stretches the franchise has seen off the course in decades.

DfGmJNVWAAAS12Y

(more…)

Can Joel Embiid stop playing pickup games against goofy idiots before I have a heart attack?

Joel Embiid took to the courts of Philadelphia over the weekend on a whim and decided to slaughter all of the goofy white guys who dared get in his way. The videos, captured in all of their ball-busting glory on Twitter, are fabulous.

Take a look and cower as Embiid viciously dunks on any hipster that dares get in his way:

So good. I could watch them all day long.

Glad you got it out of your system, Joel, because Lou Brown has some sage words of advice for you after the jump:

fvEb2qN

Jesus Christ. All I can think about watching these clips is Joel dunking on some loser, coming down from the rim and landing on someone’s foot and tearing every single ligament in his knee.

For anyone playing basketball in South Philly where Joel has been known to show up, if you see the big man strolling over to the court to play you should be courteous, let him into your game, and for the love of god don’t play any defense against him whatsoever. Do you really want to be caught on someone’s iPhone as the guy Joel lands on and misses the next season because he tore his ACL after you gawked at his windmill dunk and didn’t get out of his landing zone?

Because if you do end up as that guy you’re going to be drawn and quartered by the furious Process Trusters in this town for ending the 76ers next season before the summer league.

Get out of his way, let him throw down a dunk, take a selfie, and then thank god that he didn’t get hurt on your court.

I’m breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

You know what won’t make you nervous? Awesome Phillies merch. Click the Phillies banners below to buy some awesome Fanatics Phillies merchandise for Father’s Day.

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

Refs miss three key calls against Celtics in last minute of game 5? COLOR ME SHOCKED

Dario Saric? FOULED. Joel Embiid? FOULED. Marcus Smart? TRAVELED. Refs’ whistles? SILENT.

Reminiscent of Roger Murtaugh being beaten with a rubber hose and having salt rubbed into his oozing wounds at the end of Lethal Weapon, the NBA released its final 2-minute report for game 5 and rubbed salt into the eyes of 76ers fans everywhere when the league admitted its refs missed three key calls in the last minute of the series.

NBC Sports Boston has the rundown of officiating ineptitude:

With the score tied at 109 and 41.8 seconds to play, the two-minute report indicated that Marcus Smart “initiates contact with (Dario) Saric and impedes him in the post” which according to the report, was an INC (incorrect non-call).

With Boston ahead 111-109 with 14.6 seconds to play, the report indicates that Aron Baynes “makes contact to Philadelphia’s (Joel) Embiid’s arm that affects his shot attempt near the rim.” The report deemed that an INC (incorrect non-call).

The article did not include the third missed call in the report, which was the missed travel by Marcus Smart after he intercepted Ben Simmons’ final heave down the court with 2.4 seconds.

UPDATE: Eagle-eyed reader @TheAmishTerp tweeted this to us of Al Horford potentially double dribbling after he picked up the Saric turnover. Is this a double dribble? Did he have possession? I don’t know…you be the judge.

Sour grapes? OH MY YES. Frustrating non-calls? Well…yeah. The only call 76ers fans should seriously be annoyed with is Baynes MAULING Embiid in the final 76ers possession, but is that ever called in the last 10 seconds of a game? Not really. And is there any assurance that Embiid would have actually made the two free-throws to tie the game? Nope. Or that Boston wouldn’t have made a shot on their next possession to rip the 76ers still beating hearts out of their chest?  Nope.

It probably wouldn’t have made too much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. You at least have a few bullets in the chamber now that you can wildly shoot at Boston sports fans as they crawl out of their dumpsters to celebrate the victory.

Like this loser.

Sweet hair plugs.

Oh well. I guess it’s on to ::shudder:: the Phillies season.

Speaking of the Phillies……

Father’s Day is coming up, is it not? (checks calendar) Look at that, it is. Does your Dad enjoy the grand old boring game of baseball? Get in on free shipping and buy some SWEET Phillies merchandise for dear old Dad.

Click the Phillies banners to check out the Fanatics Phillies merchandise.

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

Shop Philadelphia  Phillies gear at Fanatics.com!

The mere fact that Michael Wilbon is rallying against the 76ers gives me hope for the series

Michael Wilbon (who is still a thing at ESPN apparently) took a few minutes out of his busy schedule of telling people he knows Michael Jordan to express his UTMOST DISPLEASURE at T.J. “Billy Hoyle” McConnell’s OUTRAGEOUSLY DISRESPECTFUL game 4 moment when he dared to stare at his hand after torching Terry “I look like I should be fat” Rozier.

Philly.com has the transcript of the moment from yesterday’s PTI:

“I believe the Sixers are going to become hateable for the rest of the nation very soon,” Wilbon told co-host Tony Kornheiser. “Some little dude named T.J. is looking at his hand like he’s Shaq. Here’s what’s going to happen to T.J. in the next game: Terry Rozier is going to run over him like a truck, and he’s not going to do anything.”

Just bad point after bad point streaming out of Wilbon’s gaping maw. One, everyone already hates the 76ers. Two, Shaq is so cross-eyed there’s no way he could have ever stared at his hand that closely. Three, Terry Rozier is going to be far too busy jumping up at Joel Embiid like Little Mac with a star punch to do anything about McConnell’s antics.

(more…)

T.J. McConnell is Billy Hoyle

Before the Celtics could count their money and head over to the Sizzler for some surf and turf, the slow, white, geeky chump T.J. McConnell hustled the shit out of the Celtics and sent them packing back up to Boston for a series that suddenly feels just a TAD bit different than it did Saturday night.

T.J. McConnell is the biggest hustler since Billy Hoyle terrorized the Venice Beach courts in White Men Can’t Jump.

Someone check the off-shore betting sites or the sports books in Vegas. Were any massive bets made on the 76ers to win the series after they fell down 3-0 after Saturday night? If there were you can bet they were made by McConnell.

He suckered them in like Billy Hoyle hustling Sidney Deane.

Billy Hoyle: “See, the thing is you guys look at me me, you see the backwards hat, the gray socks, the funky outfit and you say, now, this guy’s a chump, am I right? A fucking geek, exactly. But what you don’t realize is it ain’t easy…it is hard goddamn work making something this pretty look like a chump, or a geek, so I must be doing it for a reason….”

Does he need money to pay off a gambling debt from his college days? Does he have a gorgeous Latino girlfriend with the world’s most annoying voice? That remains to be seen…but you know he can definitely hear Jimi.

(more…)