50 Can’t Miss Bold Predictions for the 2019-2020 76ers Season (and Bonus Fan Predictions that will Surely be Wrong)

It’s that time of year again, when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of an NBA championship and when he desperately represses memories of a mother fucking off-balanced three point shot that bounces on the rim 900 times before elegantly falling through the hoop to mercilessly end all of our hopes and dreams.

Yes, the 76ers are BACK BABY! A slimmed down Joel Embiid! Al Horford using his offensive rebounding prowess for the powers of good and not evil! Awkward photos of Markelle Fultz trying to raise his arms over his head while going down the final drop in Splash Mountain! What a year it’s shaping up to be.

It’s a NEW season and this calls for some BOLD takes, far bolder and newer than last year’s column where I proudly declared Mike Muscala would quickly become a fan favorite in Philadelphia.

So here we go, on the day of the 76ers 2019-2020 season, we have FIFTY BOLD PREDICTIONS for our beloved Sixers:


Joel Embiid’s inexperience on full display, shows up to practice in cleats


Embiid still has a long way to go.

Philadelphia, PA – Third-year member of the 76ers Joel Embiid stepped on the court in a competitive setting for the first time since 2014 yesterday, but the talented, yet raw, center showed he has miles to go before he reaches his true potential.

He showed his lack of experience throughout practice, scrambling to defend pick and rolls all morning, biting on every pump fake in the post, and struggling to find grip on the hardwood court due to wearing metal cleats to practice.


Isaiah Canaan expresses unfounded concerns to friends that he could be traded on draft night

hi-res-7dca3ac617c4e91020e67e8201c97e90_crop_northPhiladelphia, PA – Isaiah Canaan, veteran shooting guard for the Philadelphia 76ers, has told close friends and relatives that he is concerned the organization may try to trade him on draft night to gain another top-five pick.

Canaan has expressed anxiety to his closest group of confidants that the 76ers would decide to focus on the future and not want to win now, forcing their hand to trade the shooting guard to either Boston for the third overall pick or Phoenix for the fourth pick.