Joel Embiid

Bryan Colangelo has an obvious tell. Does it spell doom for the 76ers?

Bryan Colangelo has an obvious tell, and it spells doom for the 76ers. Can you spot it? What’s the key difference between these two pictures?

At first glance, they look similar. Hell, he’s even wearing the same blue blazer and white button-down combination…but look at the collars. The picture on the left is Colangelo from this morning’s media day session where he stammered his way through an “update” on Joel Embiid’s health. Sure, he’s not ready for 5-on-5 yet, but is on track for their “intended goal” to participate in the regular season.

The picture on the right is when he was able to introduce the Sixers #1 overall pick Markelle Fultz to the media.

Now, notice the collars in both pictures….the collar on the right is tickling his jawbone, it’s exuberant, full of life, peacocking its way into the hearts and minds of the fans everywhere.

Look at the collar on the left. Definitely doesn’t come close to his jawbone. It’s wilted, limp, almost sallow. It’s sickly, unconfident, decidedly un-starched.

The conclusion? Colangelo’s collar height and collar vivacity, its “joie de vivre,” if you will, is his tell.

The collar on the right is his good news collar. Coincidence that he wore it while showcasing his greatest triumph as yet with the 76ers by procuring Markelle Fultz? I think not.

The collar on the left is his bad news collar. A vague timetable for Embiid’s return, denial of showcasing Jah for a trade, making excuses for why they’re signing front court has beens….he’s lying and he shows it through his collar height.

He knows something else, he just isn’t saying it verbally. Come clean with us, Bryan, we deserve it. You’re not fooling anyone.

LOOK TO THE COLLAR FOR YOUR ANSWERS.

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Does anybody trust the 76ers at this point when it comes to injuries?

If you’re reading this, you’ve likely talked yourself down off from a very high ledge or taken the noose off from around your neck and come to grips with the fact that Joel Embiid STILL has not been cleared to play 5-on-5.

(Not to brag, but I did predict this would happen earlier this morning)

The news broke today during Brett Brown’s lunch with the media session and you can bet your ass Marcus Hayes immediately started stress eating steamer tray after steaming tray of chicken parmesan.

Does anyone have any shred of a doubt left that Joel Embiid will not be ready for the start of the season? Is it that surprising that the team has NOT been forthcoming about one of their player’s health? After he injured himself in January, the 76ers said he didn’t have a torn meniscus…until, well, they reported that he did indeed have a torn meniscus, but that it wouldn’t require surgery.

Until, well, it did require surgery in March.

The 76ers haven’t given an update on Embiid’s health all summer, despite every indication that he SHOULD be completely healed by now from his March 24th meniscus tear surgery.

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Is no news actually bad news for Joel Embiid?

Two fears keep me up at night. One is the fear that I’m a terrible father. Are the decisions my wife and I making for our 18-month-old causing irreversible damage to his young psyche? How can we be sure we’re doing a good job? Are we being too strict? Not strict enough? How can you even know if your parenting strategies are working on a kid who is not yet 2-years-old?

The second, and much more important fear, is the health of Joel Embiid. Training camp officially started today and he has YET to be cleared to play 5 on 5.

THE SEASON IS A MONTH AWAY, PEOPLE. WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

My Embiid fear is obviously more pressing. Him not playing or missing considerable time this year will impact me much sooner than my kid becoming a kook because I was a bad father.

I figure I have at least until he’s a teenager before he goes off the deep end and tries to slit my throat in my sleep. That’s 13 years away, plenty of time to set him straight or give him up for adoption.

But Joel? That’s in the here and now. LIVE IN THE NOW, PEOPLE.

So why haven’t we heard anything from the 76ers about his status? I’m not completely sure, but is it a bad sign that we haven’t heard ANYTHING from the 76ers about their franchise center?

It’s been operation silence on the 76ers end for anything with Embiid. If he were healthy, wouldn’t you be shouting that from the rooftops like a carnival barker?

“COME ONE COME ALL, SEE THE AMAZING 7-FOOT MAN DAZZLE YOU WITH FEATS ON THE BASKETBALL COURT THAT YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. RIM PUNISHING DUNKS, SILKY SMOOTH 3-POINT SHOTS, YOU’LL SEE IT ALL FROM THIS FREAKISH MAN THE LIKES OF WHICH WILL ASTOUND AND AMAZE. JUST A DIME, STEP RIGHT UP STEP RIGHT UP.”

Maybe. Maybe not.

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Balloon-obsessed oddball wants to trade you balloon Embiid for some “tools”

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Sup’

Here’s a great idea that definitely won’t end up with you begging for the sweet release of death in a murder dungeon…show up to this guy’s house with a brand new miter saw and trade it for Balloon Joel Embiid.

A gentleman who describes himself as a “balloon prodigy” posted an ad on Craigslist over the weekend to lure an unsuspecting 76ers fan into his home with power tools for the chance to trade for what he describes as a “life-sized balloon sculpture” of Joel Embiid.

Here’s what his ad says:

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Donald Trump Jr. releases email chain decrying Joel Embiid as “elite prospect”

gettyimages-646335232Donald Trump Jr. has found himself in hot water this morning after he released a four-page email chain in which the son of President Donald Trump apparently discussed the “overblown hype” the media had bestowed on uber-popular 76ers center Joel Embiid.

Trump Jr. discussed the delicate subject matter with a Russian contact direct after the NBA draft last month.

Trump Jr. released the following statement on his twitter account after several media outlets published stories alluding to his damning conversation about the transcendent talent that will elevate the 76ers to glorious heights the likes of which 76ers fans have never seen:

“To everyone, in order to be transparent, I am releasing the entire chain of emails I had with Ron Goldstone on June 23, 2017, a day after the NBA draft, who was relating a request from Emin, a person I knew from the 2013 Russian Basketball Super League 1, who offered to provide me with crucial analytical evidence that proved Joel Embiid did not deserve to win the NBA rookie of the year award and would be a middling center for the Philadelphia 76ers.”

The emails are included after the jump:

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76ers are falling for an obvious Furkan Korkmaz email scam

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You have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on us, Furkan.

The 76ers are getting scammed by an overseas huckster.

It’s right in front of their faces. It’s right in front of the face of anyone getting excited over the idea of a foreign savior coming overseas and playing for the 76ers.

Let me explain.

You get emails in your junk folder everyday, right? Poorly written messages from an unknown, overseas foreigner reaching out to you to let you know that a long lost relative of yours has passed away in Burkina Fasso and has left you MILLIONS of dollars in their will! HOLY SHIT! All you need to do is send a few thousand dollars to an address by Western Union to pay for the processing fee for such a large sum of money to be transferred to you and the millions are yours.

Eagerly you send the money…what luck! Hours pass…days pass…months pass…and you never hear from the beneficiary again. You were scammed and you were scammed good. Greed got the best of you.

Sounds familiar with this Furkan Korkmaz business, doesn’t it?

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Would anyone from Philadelphia survive a John Wick assassination attempt?

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Yeah, I’m thinking the Coggin is back.

No. No they would not. God damnit I watched John Wick 2 last night and I’m still all FIZZED up over it. Good action movies are so hard to make, but somehow the John Wick franchise still finds fresh ways to keep itself relevant, which is a challenge considering it’s just two hours of a guy running around the world killing people with handguns.

It had every trope I love in a great action movie: a hall of mirrors, hitmen with various fighting styles, gentlemanly agreements, it couldn’t have been better.

I was so pumped up from watching the movie last night that I tried to put my wife in a modified rear naked choke, but she stabbed me in the leg with a fork (all the way to the bone) and warned me not to start something I couldn’t finish. God I love her.

But it got me thinking…would anyone involved in the sports landscape of this city be able to survive with The Baba Yaga himself stalking them? No, no they wouldn’t, but would anyone be able to fight him off enough to deserve a death with dignity? Not in this city.

And yes, I’m fully aware this is a dumb, sports talk radio premise of a column (HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD SURVIVE?! VOTE IN OUR POLL NOW) but I don’t care. I’m still filled with piss and vinegar from watching that movie.

So who who would stand the best chance? We’re assuming Wick has only his bare fists to get the job done and his targets have ONE non-gun weapon of their choice to defend themselves.

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