We’re one day away from a pivotal 2019 NBA Draft, one day away from the 76ers filling in several areas of needs with young collegiate players, and one day away from seeing which draft pick will fall victim to the strangest curse in all of professional sports….the curse of the 76ers 1st round draft pick.
It’s uncanny. Zhaire Smith? Misses a year due to an unforeseen food allergy. Markelle Fultz? His back/shoulder/brain exploded and he forgot how to play basketball (he was kicking the ball at one point during his rookie season). Ben Simmons? Slipped on a jar of Vegemite during training camp and broke his foot. Jahlil Okafor? He got fat and the league caught up with his one viable post move, rendering him UTTERLY USELESS. Joel Embiid? You could fill a thesaurus with the various maladies this young man encountered during his first two years as a professional.
We’re literally one step away from the next first round pick randomly blowing up like the curse of the Spinal Tap drummer.
But we still have 24 hours. Still have time for more tests, more lab results, more blood draws to determine which athletes are more susceptible to whatever exotic disease they’ll surely be diagnosed with during 76ers training camp.
It’s not too late to break the curse, to really turn this thing around. Do the 76ers have their eyes on Matisse Thybulle? Bring him in for a full-body scan and let’s really see what makes him tick. Little wear and tear on that right ankle? You can only assume it will be shattered by September so it may be wise to pass on him.
Think Cameron Johnson may be a good for the franchise? It’s not too late to get a last minute 23andMe done on the kid. Hmmm it says here you may be predisposed to contracting Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever? We’ll take a pass, thanks, we don’t want to see you wasting away on a hospital bed by November.
Grant Williams out of Tennessee? You don’t even have to send this kid for a checkup. You can look in his eyes and see the FEAR already brewing that his name will be announced at 24th overall and he’ll be hearing the snap of his femur echoing through the 76ers practice facility as trainers hold back their vomit.
No thanks. This isn’t a time for cowards.
The 76ers need healthy bodies. They need one fortuitous soul to make it through a training camp unscathed, without twisting an ankle on a misplaced court sweeper, without tearing an ACL in a freak accident with Franklin the Dog, without having their kneecaps shattered by a baseball bat wielding Bryan Colangelo looking for revenge on the franchise that wronged him.
This is the year to reverse the curse. This is the year that the Sixers 1st round picks makes it through the summer league, training camp, and at least 80% of the season unscathed.
This is the year to make it right, or at least die trying (please don’t die).
Go buy 76ers gear at the banner below before anything happens to your favorite player.