CollarGate. BurnerGate. Eric Jr. Day. Move on, find a new slant. However you remember May 29, 2018, please take a moment to hold those special memories in your heart and recall this day one year ago when Bryan Colangelo, the biggest stooge in the long and gloried history of the 76ers, revealed his true self and humiliated a city with his extraordinary pettiness.
One year ago Colangelo’s world crumbled. A several thousand word piece of investigatory journalism was published on The Ringer by Ben Detrick, reporting curious “coincidences” of several seemingly random twitter accounts that spent all day, every day, tweeting criticisms about 76ers players, the coaching staff, and praising the moves of then 76ers GM Bryan “Spelled with a Y” Colangelo. An anonymous tip to Detrick and the Ringer got the ball rolling, and before Bryan could wilt away in his large-collared shirts the jig was up.
Several burner accounts posting team sensitive information to social media that only someone in the back office would possibly know. Criticizing players. Criticizing effort. Criticizing coaching. Praising Colangelo. Once the tip was delivered it wasn’t hard to see that the accounts were all being run by one pin-headed boy who was handed the GM position on a silver spoon by his geriatric father after an “exhaustive” search for a new front-office leader.
According to The Ringer, the five accounts Colangelo used committed the following crimes against humanity:
- Criticize NBA players, including Joel Embiid, Jahlil Okafor, and Nerlens Noel
Publicly debate the decisions of his own coaching staff, as well as critique former Sixers general manager Sam Hinkie and Toronto Raptors president Masai Ujiri
- Telegraph the 2017 trade in which the Sixers acquired the no. 1 overall pick that would become Markelle Fultz
- Disclose nonpublic medical information about Okafor and gossip about Embiid and Fultz to members of the national and Philadelphia media
Most importantly, The Ringer linked to a story The Coggin Toboggan had published about Colangelo earlier in the year that we still receive traffic about. What a day that was. I still obnoxiously brag to people about that triumph.
So what did Bryan do? Like most snakes he denied. Denied denied denied. And then when the evidence became too great to deny? Why, he tossed his dedicated and long-time wife Barbara Bottini firmly under the bus of public opinion:
Colangelo said that his wife “acted independently and without my knowledge or consent. Further, the content she shared was filled with inaccuracies and conjecture.” He added that her posts do not reflect his own opinions and he denied that he directly shared sensitive information with Bottini.
Guess what, nobody believed him. How could they? Did anyone really think he was being forthcoming? That the greasy weasel wouldn’t do anything to try to save one last shred of dignity by pushing his wife into the oncoming train of mockery he was facing? Did he really think, for one second, that he would be able to convince people that it was his WIFE that decided to share this personal team and player information right under his nose without him noticing?
Of course he did, because he’s a dummy. Dummies who have lived their entire lives with every advantage think they can get away with anything.
But we all saw past your flop-sweat ruse, Bryan. We saw you for what you truly were….a snake in the grass who was more than willing to sacrifice his to the Philadelphia masses who wanted your head.
Hopefully you’ll stumble across this on your “BColangelo696969” burner and give it a read. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize how pathetic your actions truly were, and you’ll finally understand why you’ll always be one of the most humiliating figures in Philadelphia sports history.
Or you’ll just go out and buy the largest collared shirt you can find and charge it to your wife’s credit card.
Happy CollarGate everyone!
Click on the link below and buy Phillies gear for Dad for Father’s Day. Don’t be like Bryan. He’ll get Jerry a tie like always.