Philadelphia

Happy CollarGate anniversary everyone

CollarGate. BurnerGate. Eric Jr. Day. Move on, find a new slant. However you remember May 29, 2018, please take a moment to hold those special memories in your heart and recall this day one year ago when Bryan Colangelo, the biggest stooge in the long and gloried history of the 76ers, revealed his true self and humiliated a city with his extraordinary pettiness.

One year ago Colangelo’s world crumbled. A several thousand word piece of investigatory journalism was published on The Ringer by Ben Detrick, reporting curious “coincidences” of several seemingly random twitter accounts that spent all day, every day, tweeting criticisms about 76ers players, the coaching staff, and praising the moves of then 76ers GM Bryan “Spelled with a Y” Colangelo. An anonymous tip to Detrick and the Ringer got the ball rolling, and before Bryan could wilt away in his large-collared shirts the jig was up.

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You too could feed the giraffes with Andrew McCutchen this summer

The summer is upon us. The weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer, the 76ers had their annual second round playoffs exit (sob), and a shattered city hopelessly turns its attention to the Phillies to try to get through the long, humid months before the start of football.

3-1 counts! Mound visits! Pitching changes! Ben Davis prattling on like he thinks if he stops talking he’ll die! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!

One thing that did catch my eye is the Phillies announcement of its annual “Phillies 2019 Phantastic Auction” which allows fans to bid on once-in-a-lifetime experiences with the team, with all funds going to Phillies Charities Inc., the franchises charitable organization.

I thought it would be a nice diversion from our crippling depression to take a look at some of the more interesting items you can bid on.

I’ll go through a few of these and give you an idea of how much you should bid on each one after the jump.

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Don’t ignore Angelo Cataldi, rub his face into his accidents to teach him a lesson

Before I jump into this, I want to assure you that I know exactly what Angelo Cataldi is doing here. Every dumb take, every contrarian opinion he vomits up on his twitter feed or his Philly Voice column is carefully crafted by an old troll to elicit the biggest response, whether it be positive or negative. I fully doubt he’s had an original or personal thought in his mush filled head for the past decade, as everything he does is designed to bring the most eyes and ears on him as possible.

It’s why he’s the most popular media personality in the city and has been for the last 30 years. He’s a played out old hack with a played out format for a morning show that still CRUSHES the ratings and lays waste to all that comes before it.

Most people will say to ignore him. He’s trolling for attention, they say, and wants a reaction to his nonsense. If he doesn’t get one, he’ll go away.

He’s not a bear, people. Playing dead doesn’t work. He’s not going to just “go away.”

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And with the 25th pick in the NFL Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select….

…IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO THEY PICK!

It’s the morning of the NFL Draft and it’s time yet again to invite the rest of the NFC East to eat shit, to eat it long and slow, because the Eagles are STILL the most recent team in the division to win a Super Bowl and it is our RIGHT as champions to roast the rest of the putrid teams in our division.

Yes, I know EVERY SINGLE other team in the NFC East has more championships than the Eagles, but who has the most recent one? The E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES do, damnit, so until that changes this will be an annual roast day to thoroughly humiliate the rest of the NFC East.

We did it last year. We’re doing it again this year. And hopefully the tradition will continue for many years to come.

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Our long national nightmare is over

The power of social media is a vast and mysterious one.

After years of going unacknowledged, the Coggin Toboggan namesake, David Coggin, one of the greatest Phillies relief pitchers of all time, followed us today on Twitter.

WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE.

We lived up to our end of the bargain and donated to David’s charity of choice. We’ve already raised $200 for the Daniel Robertson Family Foundation. If you’ve ever enjoyed this blog over the years I strong advise you make a donation. It’s a great cause.

Now all that’s left for us to do is dust off the old toboggan, polish the girl up, and sled off into the great beyond.

 

The Coggin Toboggan extends an olive branch to David Coggin in the name of charity

David Coggin. The man. The myth. The legend. The impetus of the greatest Phillies fan group that never got off the ground and the fuel that keeps the best Philadelphia sports blog running hot for the past four years.

But Coggin doesn’t see his namesake. No sir. Coggin blocked us on Twitter YEARS ago, even before I started this stupid blog, after one or two rashly fired off tweets in the name of “comedy” that I thought he would enjoy.

We were young, David, don’t hold us accountable for the sins of our past.

But that all changes now. David, we’re launching a charitable campaign OF YOUR CHOOSING if you unblock us from Twitter and acknowledge our existence. We just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask?

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Bryce Harper scared the Nationals and their fan base straight last night

You want to act hard, Washington? You want to act like you don’t care that one of the best young players in baseball chose the PHILLIES over your putrid little franchise and your half-filled stadium?

Well Bryce Harper welcomed you into gen pop, took your shoes, took your belt, and made you follow him around by his pockets last night as he scared the entire Nationals franchise and their fans straight while thousands of invading Phillies fans made life miserable for the home crowd.

He demanded your fruit cups and you gave them to him because you’re all talk and you know it. You’re fresh fish and he’s just reeling you in.

FRESH FISH FRESH FISH FRESH FISH FRESH FISH.

Harper, the Phillies, and the traveling caravan of Phillies fans punked the entire Washington franchise and their cutesy attempts to welcome back the man that won them an MVP in 2015.

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