97.5 the Fanatic

Applying for the 97.5 Fanatic on-air Midday Host open position

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The hunter has become the hunted.

Look who has come crawling to the Coggin on their hands and knees, practically BEGGING for an infusion of talent for their dying station. Our tipsters forwarded this job opening to us this morning….you think you could keep something as huge as this quiet without us know, Fanatic? We see all…we are all.

Job opening: 97.5 the Fanatic On-Air Midday Host.

I weep for those who plan to send in an application. The job is mine. Case closed. Can you imagine The Coggin infiltrating the 97.5 Fanatic offices? Mike Missanelli will be cowering under my boot heels within the hour.

I would hold the very position Rob Ellis once held….OH SWEET IRONY. One host a spineless, jellyfish of a man and the other a human dynamo with overflowing charisma and fabulous hair…fathers lock up your daughters, no pair of panties will go unsoaked as I strut to the studios every afternoon (I apologize profusely to any woman who had to read that last sentence).

Much like the leaflets dropped on Dresden prior to its firebombing (timely reference) I’m giving everyone at 97.5 the Fanatic fair warning that I will be applying for the position and I will be hired. Don’t like it? TAKE IT UP WITH MANAGEMENT. I’ll rule the station with an iron fist, but I will be a benevolent ruler. Anyone ever hear of a little something called Wacky Hat Wednesday?

Let’s go through the job requirements one by one after the jump.

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An Eagles season and the five stages of grief

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In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler published her seminal book on death and dying, titled…err…”On Death and Dying,” which first put forth the idea of the “Five Stages of Grief.” While working with terminally ill patients, Kubler observed that patients typically traveled through “five stages” after being diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance have become the widely accepted stages of terminally ill patients and has been expanded to people going through traumatic or life changing events. While the stages may be different for each individual, the theory has proven to be a valuable tool in helping those coping with tremendous stress and anxiety in their lives.

Sounds like an Eagles fan to me.

After years of great wailing and gnashing of teeth watching the Eagles flounder through season after season, I’ve identified the classic five stages every fan experiences watching one of the most inept franchises in the NFL fuck its way through lost season after lost season.

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97.5 the Fanatic has announced the midday replacement for Rob Ellis

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In a stunning programming decision this afternoon, veteran midday host Rob Ellis has been let go by 97.5 the Fanatic after several years of service to the sports talk station. Ellis notified his listeners at the conclusion of today’s show, explaining that it would be his last with the Fanatic and his co-host Harry Mayes.

It did not take long for the station to find his replacement, as 97.5 the Fanatic station representatives officially announced that an old Breakfast on Broad coffee mug would be Ellis’s permanent replacement for the midday show.

The mug’s last hosting duties included a brief guest host spot on Ellis’s Comcast Sports Network morning show when Ellis was out sick with the flu for a week. The show experienced its highest ratings during the mug’s guest hosting spot.

“We feel the mug will allow us to put forth the best programming we can for our listeners,” 97.5 the Fanatic Program Director Matt Nahigan told the Coggin Toboggan.

The show will go on hiatus for the next week with the mug taking on full hosting duties Monday, July 24.

Larsen C ice shelf commits suicide after overhearing 97.5 Fanatic segment on Carson Wentz and religion

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An ice shelf the size of Delaware broke itself off from Antarctica yesterday, scientists at the Swansea University-led Midas project confirmed, releasing a gigantic iceberg twice the size of Luxembourg into the surround waters.

Theories of the ice shelf’s disintegration over the past decades have been discussed leading global representatives, but the Swansea University Midas project scientists confirmed this morning that the shelf purposefully broke itself off the frigid continent after overhearing an asinine sports talk segment from the local Philadelphia 97.5 the Fanatic sports talk station.

The environmental disaster has been placed firmly at the feet of 97.5 the Fanatic, its midday host Mike Missanelli, and it’s poor choice of show programming.

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Rob Ellis and Mike Missanelli blaming millennials for the decline of Philadelphia sports is hell on earth

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The beast of hell walks among us in the clothes of a common man. If the demon should reveal its true face to you at a time when you have turned away from Christ, then you will be without protection, & it will gleefully devour your heart & rend you limb from limb & carry your immortal soul into the yawning pit.

I have foreseen how I will die. I have had a vision of my undoing. An overweight, out of touch jowly man and his sniveling, bland, milquetoast toadie disembowel me while opining about the shortcomings of the millennial generation.

So it shall be, so it shall pass.

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Sign our petition and let’s do some good for the City of Philadelphia!

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Philadelphia is a great city, but it can always be a little better with our help!

SIGN OUR PETITION TO HAVE MIKE MISSANELLI STUFFED IN A BURLAP SACK AND DUMPED OUTSIDE OF THE CITY LIMITS RIGHT HERE!

If you missed it last week, 97.5 The Fanatic created a petition to keep the NFL draft in Philadelphia for 2018. The petition gained thousands of signatures from eager Philadelphians who wanted to keep the great event in the City of Brotherly Love for another year.

Even cynics like us, who have spent their fair share of time criticizing the station and its radio hosts, signed the petition. Why did we sign it? Well, when we see something that is good for the city, something that will benefit all of Philadelphia, we have to support it.

See? Here’s proof that we signed the 97.5 Fanatic petition to keep the draft in Philadelphia.

But we figured that as good as Philadelphia is, as great as this city has been to us, it can always be a little better thanks to people who care. So we came up with an idea that we think will really make this city a better place to live, work, and raise a family!

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Mike Missanelli sets all-time podcast download record with release of second show

mike_missanelliThe Podcast King of Philadelphia cannot be stopped.

Mike Missanelli, sports talk radio host turned podcaster extraordinaire, shattered the iTunes download record today with his release of the second episode of “The Mike Missanelli Show,” just one day after climbing to the top of the United States charts.

The release of the second episode was a surprise to fans, as it was just a day after Missanelli suffered a debilitating heart attack at the start of his debut episode.

Always the showman, Missanelli didn’t disappoint, as he opened the episode from the Intensive Care Unit of Jefferson Hospital, carefully slurring out an introduction to the show.

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