Angelo Cataldi

The 2020 All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble

This Sunday the WWE is hosting its best pay-per-view of the year. The organization’s ROYAL RUMBLE is BY FAR the best PPV the wrestling brand puts on every year, with pops and surprises that no other event can top.

So as always we decided to COMPLETELY rip it off with our own Royal Rumble.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, a “Royal Rumble” consists of 30 wrestlers entering the ring every two minutes in an all-out, every man or woman for themselves brawl. The entrants are eliminated when thrown over the top rope, and the final man (or woman) standing wins the event and gets to headline Wrestlemania.

What better way to honor the WWE’s best show by putting on our own knock-off event with far less athletic and far, FAR LESS famous contestants that are flimsily connected to Philadelphia in the thinnest ways possible? SOUNDS FUN TO ME!

Of course, as its done the past four years in a row, The Coggin Toboggan hosts its own annual All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble on the Friday before WWE’s event, completely overshadowing the real deal with its complete lack of morals, its utter depravity, and absolute disregard for human life and well being. As always we’ve invited 30 of the most ruthless and knuckle dragging Philadelphians to bash each others brains in for minimal glory, absolutely no prize money, and a dark spot on their careers they’ll never be able to erase.

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Don’t ignore Angelo Cataldi, rub his face into his accidents to teach him a lesson

Before I jump into this, I want to assure you that I know exactly what Angelo Cataldi is doing here. Every dumb take, every contrarian opinion he vomits up on his twitter feed or his Philly Voice column is carefully crafted by an old troll to elicit the biggest response, whether it be positive or negative. I fully doubt he’s had an original or personal thought in his mush filled head for the past decade, as everything he does is designed to bring the most eyes and ears on him as possible.

It’s why he’s the most popular media personality in the city and has been for the last 30 years. He’s a played out old hack with a played out format for a morning show that still CRUSHES the ratings and lays waste to all that comes before it.

Most people will say to ignore him. He’s trolling for attention, they say, and wants a reaction to his nonsense. If he doesn’t get one, he’ll go away.

He’s not a bear, people. Playing dead doesn’t work. He’s not going to just “go away.”

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Joe Santoliquito digs deeper hole for himself in bizarre WIP Morning Show interview

Literally one of the first rules of journalism that you’re taught as a striving, young reporter is to never make the story about yourself.

Joe Santoliquito must have skipped that day of class at Gudger Journalism Tech Correspondence School.

In a BIZARRE appearance with Angelo Cataldi on the WIP Morning Show, Santoliquito stumbled, bumbled, and fumbled his way through a near 19-minute interview in which you could AUDIBLY HEAR Al Morganti restraining himself from jumping over the studio console and throttling the quivering mass of jelly for a haphazard and poorly written piece of “journalism.”

Near the end of the interview, Santoliquito takes a bizarre stance on the article and how he’s the best thing Wentz has going for him.

“Guess what? I’m the best thing Carson Wentz has ever had going for him. You know why? You don’t think this is going to piss him off even more? You don’t think this is going to motivate him even more, to stick this up someone’s little tail and just say, hey listen pal, you’re wrong. Everybody else that believes what you said and wrote is wrong.”

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a journalist who desperately wants to make the story about himself. You can listen to the entire interview right here.

It’s like Santoliquito had visions of parading through Broad Street in 2020 after the Eagles Super Bowl victory, the Lombardi Trophy in his hands, as Wentz thanked him for all he did.

“I couldn’t have done it without you Joe. You were right all along, you motivated me to be a better person, to get over my ego, to become a better teammate, to become a better man….and a better lover,” Wentz would say, and then softly caress the bearded journalists cheek and give him a tender kiss on the mouth.

You can dream, Joe, but something tells me you’re not going to be allowed in the Eagles locker room past this week.

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If Angelo Cataldi speaks for you as a fan, than I weep for you

If you haven’t heard it by now, Gabe Kapler’s impromptu interview this morning with Angelo Cataldi on the 94 WIP Morning Show was quite good. Angelo, despite his many, MANY detractions, knows what makes good radio and can conduct a hell of an interview.

Our friends over at Crossing Broad have the full audio if you haven’t heard it already.

Kapler and Cataldi go back and forth over a recent Cataldi column in “Philly Voice,” in which Cataldi criticizes the way GM Matt Klentak put together this year’s roster, going as far as to call Klentak “incompetent.”

Is he wrong? Maybe not, but the team was never viewed as contending this year and did outperform a Vegas win prediction several games. They did have a 14-win improvement over the abominable 2017 season and seem to be trending in the right direction.

Kapler of course defends his team and the GM, sparring with Cataldi over a very interesting and professionally conducted 13 minute interview.

But here’s where my skin bristles and the bile rises in the back of my throat.

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Applying to be the next 97.5 the Fanatic…I’m sorry, I can’t even pretend that’s a good idea

The Fanatic had quite a week. Harry Mayes? LET GO. Eytan Shander? LET GO. Anthony Gargano? DEMOTED. Mike Missanelli? STILL AN ASSHOLE.

By my count, the Fanatic is down to about three on-air hosts, a handful of producers, and countless ad reps desperately trying to re-up their accounts with Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza before they catch wind of the sinking ship that is the Fanatic.

The station obviously need some new hosts, some new talent to SHAKE UP THE STATUS QUO and tweet out some new and exciting poll questions from the station’s twitter handle for fans to shit all over.

And here’s where I’d normally make a wacky and UTTERLY HILARIOUS fake resume and fake job application to throw my name into the mix for the job. It’s been done. And done again it seems. Just great stuff there. Well played Coggin.

But at this point, is it even realistic anymore to even PRETEND to want to work for the Fanatic? It’s like a curse at this point to work for the station, a horror movie come to life. Everything starts off well, but you know something terrible is going to happen to you before everything is over.

Rumor has it if you say Anthony Gargano’s name three times into a mirror he appears and hands you an iron-clad Fanatic contract and uses your toilet for 45 minutes. I don’t need that evil.

What is the Fanatic doing? Is there any actual personnel strategy to these moves, or is it simply a cost-cutting effort by the sports talk station? Has the hull been breached?

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Angelo Cataldi-Bot 2.0 needs his programming updated

You’d think the 94 WIP programmers in charge of keeping Angelo Cataldi-Bot 2.0 current would have given him a much needed software update after the Eagles won their first Super Bowl against the Patriots this past February.

Hook him up to the computer, download the latest patch to keep him churning for another year, and let’s at LEAST get some new, incorrect takes from this dinosaur.

Here is is assessment from last night’s loss to the Patriots. Bear in mind, this is the preseason. It means absolutely nothing.

Huh….wha? Didn’t the Eagles win a Super Bowl? Are we really turning on this team, this coach, TWO GAMES INTO THE PRESEASON?

Well, ok. Let’s be honest though, Angelo is a professional sports analyst. Maybe he’s seeing something that we’re not? Maybe we should be worried going into this year?

I’m sure Angelo didn’t share the same worries in the 2017 preseason, right? He, of all people, surely saw that Doug Pederson had this team trending in the right direction?

Let’s see what he had to say last year after the jump.

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Angelo Cataldi confirms the Phillies were right to not trade Sixto Sanchez

I can’t imagine the intense amount of relief Philadelphia Phillies GM Matt Klentak must have felt when he saw this headline in the July 23rd issue of Philly Voice:

Cataldi: To win big, Phillies must be willing to risk big — and that means dealing prospects

In one rambling, semi-coherent, typo-riddled column, Angelo Cataldi gave his ethereal blessing to the Phillies for not willing to part with prized prospect Sixto Sanchez for the superbly talented, but most certainly a rental player, Manny Machado.

But but but but….he trashed the Phillies for not trading away the farm for two months with Machado! He defiantly stomped his cloven hoof on the ground and ran Klentak through the ringer for not BEING BOLD and GOING FOR IT ALL ON FOURTH AND ONE and what have you.

But then again, this is Angelo Cataldi we’re talking about, so the Phillies should be thrilled.

I’m sure you’ve seen his greatest hits on Twitter by now, but I’ll let Twitter user @JoeyBnB introduce you again to Angelo Cataldi, one of the worst “take-slingers” of all time after the jump.

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