Angelo Cataldi

Angelo Cataldi-Bot 2.0 needs his programming updated

You’d think the 94 WIP programmers in charge of keeping Angelo Cataldi-Bot 2.0 current would have given him a much needed software update after the Eagles won their first Super Bowl against the Patriots this past February.

Hook him up to the computer, download the latest patch to keep him churning for another year, and let’s at LEAST get some new, incorrect takes from this dinosaur.

Here is is assessment from last night’s loss to the Patriots. Bear in mind, this is the preseason. It means absolutely nothing.

Huh….wha? Didn’t the Eagles win a Super Bowl? Are we really turning on this team, this coach, TWO GAMES INTO THE PRESEASON?

Well, ok. Let’s be honest though, Angelo is a professional sports analyst. Maybe he’s seeing something that we’re not? Maybe we should be worried going into this year?

I’m sure Angelo didn’t share the same worries in the 2017 preseason, right? He, of all people, surely saw that Doug Pederson had this team trending in the right direction?

Let’s see what he had to say last year after the jump.

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Angelo Cataldi confirms the Phillies were right to not trade Sixto Sanchez

I can’t imagine the intense amount of relief Philadelphia Phillies GM Matt Klentak must have felt when he saw this headline in the July 23rd issue of Philly Voice:

Cataldi: To win big, Phillies must be willing to risk big — and that means dealing prospects

In one rambling, semi-coherent, typo-riddled column, Angelo Cataldi gave his ethereal blessing to the Phillies for not willing to part with prized prospect Sixto Sanchez for the superbly talented, but most certainly a rental player, Manny Machado.

But but but but….he trashed the Phillies for not trading away the farm for two months with Machado! He defiantly stomped his cloven hoof on the ground and ran Klentak through the ringer for not BEING BOLD and GOING FOR IT ALL ON FOURTH AND ONE and what have you.

But then again, this is Angelo Cataldi we’re talking about, so the Phillies should be thrilled.

I’m sure you’ve seen his greatest hits on Twitter by now, but I’ll let Twitter user @JoeyBnB introduce you again to Angelo Cataldi, one of the worst “take-slingers” of all time after the jump.

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Can we all stop falling for Angelo Cataldi’s P.T. Barnum shtick?

“There’s a sucker born every minute, and they’ll all call my radio show if I say something controversial about Carson Wentz and the Eagles.”

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I know, I know. I’ve seen Angelo Cataldi’s tweet about Carson Wentz and Nick Foles this morning too. It’s crazy right? Doesn’t it make you furious that someone could be trumpeting this OUTRAGEOUS line of thinking just a mere month after the Eagles finally won a Super Bowl?! It’s infuriating, and I bet you can’t WAIT to give him a piece of your mind.

But, before you fire up the twitter accounts and lob some well-deserved insults Cataldi’s way, I’d like you to first take a  breath, step away from your keyboard, and give this question some deep, deep thought.

Do you really think he believes this nonsense?

Of course he doesn’t.

Angelo Cataldi is the jowly, tepid Philadelphia sports talk radio version of P.T. Barnum, and he knows how to play this city and its fans like a fiddle to line his own coffers.

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I blame Angelo Cataldi’s Los Angeles trip for Carson Wentz’s knee injury

Last week, either Thursday or Friday, I had the unpleasurable experience of not having the little device that allows you to plug your iPhone 7 into a normal auxiliary cable. You know what I’m talking about, the little connector doohickey that you lose 800 times a week and makes you CURSE THE GODS that Apple has no idea what their consumers want.

Rather than being left alone with my tortured thoughts for 20 minutes, against my better judgement I turned on the WIP morning show (and secretly hoped it would be in the middle of a commercial break so I would come to my senses and turn off the radio) and was BLASTED by Angelo Cataldi’s shrill voice, cackling about his plans for a trip to the west coast to watch the Eagles take on the Rams in a “complete and utter lock” of a game.

Al Morganti temporarily roused himself from his paint-huffing induced stupor and asked Cataldi if he remembered the last time he actually attended an Eagles game in person.

“Not since the Vet,” Cataldi grunted into the microphone.

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I went down the rabbit hole of one WIP listener’s tweets to CBS 3’s Meisha Johnson

Old man Angelo Cataldi continues to have one foot out the door to his retirement and dipped back into his bag of tricks this morning, summoning CBS 3’s weather girl Meisha Johnson to the WIP Morning Show studios to make sure she receives her recommended daily dose of the heebie jeebies and grill her on her love life.

It’s a tired bit and just an excuse for Cataldi to “help” Meisha “put on her headphones,” but my heart always skips a beat and the sky looks even more blue when this pops up on my twitter feed.

There is nothing better in this world than reading the responses from WIP listeners to Meisha Johnson on Twitter.

Nothing.

Better.

Now, usually I’ll go through these tweets and pick out the best ones, but today is different. The very first tweet sent to Meisha is from a listener @gregfrompotomac who “playfully” encourages Meisha to reveal their relationship on air.

Oh ho! I see what you did there, Gregory! Just some “cute” flirting about the “relationship” you have with Meisha. Well done sir! I’m sure the WIP Morning Show gang will get a good laugh out of it.

Hmmm…maybe we should take a quick look at Gregory’s twitter feed, see what else he’s been up to. Probably just a one time tweet to Meisha to be cute, right? Yeah, probably, nobody would make this a habit, right? RIGHT?!

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Angelo Cataldi pimps out CBS3’s Meisha Johnson on Morning Show

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If there’s one thing I know about attractive young women, it’s that they desperately need fat, ugly old men to help them find love in this world.

The skeeviest man in Philadelphia is playing matchmaker this morning with CBS3 anchor/reporter Meisha Johnson, solidifying his legacy as he winds down a legendary career of mild sexual harassment and chicken wing eating contests.

Jowls all a flutter with anticipation, Cataldi tweeted this out at the beginning of the Morning Show.

Sorry Meisha, but I can 100% guarantee you will not find the perfect man if he’s calling into a sports talk radio show at 6 a.m.

I’d check those microphones if I were you, Meisha. Is the show even being recorded? I wouldn’t put it past Cataldi to pull a stunt to get you in studio for hours. If he locks the doors for “security reasons” I’d immediately call 911 and go for his eyes. Gouge away, Meisha, it’s your only chance at escape.

Philadelphia’s finest pitched some woo at Meisha in the responses to Cataldi’s tweet. Let’s rank their chances at love with Meisha after the jump:

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Would anyone from Philadelphia survive a John Wick assassination attempt?

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Yeah, I’m thinking the Coggin is back.

No. No they would not. God damnit I watched John Wick 2 last night and I’m still all FIZZED up over it. Good action movies are so hard to make, but somehow the John Wick franchise still finds fresh ways to keep itself relevant, which is a challenge considering it’s just two hours of a guy running around the world killing people with handguns.

It had every trope I love in a great action movie: a hall of mirrors, hitmen with various fighting styles, gentlemanly agreements, it couldn’t have been better.

I was so pumped up from watching the movie last night that I tried to put my wife in a modified rear naked choke, but she stabbed me in the leg with a fork (all the way to the bone) and warned me not to start something I couldn’t finish. God I love her.

But it got me thinking…would anyone involved in the sports landscape of this city be able to survive with The Baba Yaga himself stalking them? No, no they wouldn’t, but would anyone be able to fight him off enough to deserve a death with dignity? Not in this city.

And yes, I’m fully aware this is a dumb, sports talk radio premise of a column (HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD SURVIVE?! VOTE IN OUR POLL NOW) but I don’t care. I’m still filled with piss and vinegar from watching that movie.

So who who would stand the best chance? We’re assuming Wick has only his bare fists to get the job done and his targets have ONE non-gun weapon of their choice to defend themselves.

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