I can’t imagine the intense amount of relief Philadelphia Phillies GM Matt Klentak must have felt when he saw this headline in the July 23rd issue of Philly Voice:

Cataldi: To win big, Phillies must be willing to risk big — and that means dealing prospects

In one rambling, semi-coherent, typo-riddled column, Angelo Cataldi gave his ethereal blessing to the Phillies for not willing to part with prized prospect Sixto Sanchez for the superbly talented, but most certainly a rental player, Manny Machado.

But but but but….he trashed the Phillies for not trading away the farm for two months with Machado! He defiantly stomped his cloven hoof on the ground and ran Klentak through the ringer for not BEING BOLD and GOING FOR IT ALL ON FOURTH AND ONE and what have you.

But then again, this is Angelo Cataldi we’re talking about, so the Phillies should be thrilled.

I’m sure you’ve seen his greatest hits on Twitter by now, but I’ll let Twitter user @JoeyBnB introduce you again to Angelo Cataldi, one of the worst “take-slingers” of all time after the jump.

Is he right about anything? Ever? He’s a walking human opposite day. Ben Simmons is going to be a bust? Rookie of the year. The problem with the Eagles is Jeffrey Lurie, Howie Roseman, and Doug Pederson? Super Bowl LII winners.

2024 will be great when this tweet is unearthed after Sixto Sanchez wins his first Cy Young award. It’s a stone cold, mortal lock at this point after Cataldi graciously gave his loser’s blessing to the non-deal.

I’d be more worried that his takes get punched back into his face so often if it didn’t already look like a worn in catchers mitt, oily and leathery.

Klentak just needs to take a look at any of the shit Cataldi throws against the wall at PhillyVoice and he’ll know he made the right decision. Anyone and everything his crypt keeper fingers touches turns to gold, the least-effective grim reaper of all time.

If he hates you, you’re golden. If he loves you…get ready for a short career.

Now, if we could only get him to write something horrible about the Coggin Toboggan we’ll be all set…

We have a first place baseball team. Stick it to Cataldi and buy a Sixto shirsey.