Like Ripley returning to the alien infested colonial outpost in search of Newt, the Eagles are stepping back into the fray tonight and kicking off their Super Bowl defending season in an all but meaningless preseason bout against the Pittsburgh Steelers.
In Philadelphia, nobody can hear you scream (yes, I know that’s the tagline from “Alien” and not “Aliens” … but the “Aliens” tagline sucks. This time it’s war? Get the hell out of here).
We’re in uncharted waters here, Eagles fan. It’s the first year in the history of the franchise where we’re not coming off of a terrible Andy Reid postseason loss, a disheartening/borderline racist Chip Kelly 7-9 season, or a comically bad “Dream Team” season that left us all hating Jason Babin and his stupid tattoos just a little bit more than we thought was humanly possible.
The path is unexplored from here on out, Eagles. What’s it going to be? Will this year live up to the hype, the GREATNESS of last year’s Super Bowl run and victory, or will it all come crashing down?
Will this season be “Aliens” or will it be “Major League 2?” Will it be an all-time great sequel to an all-time great movie, or will it be a soulless, unnecessary cash-in without the entire returning cast from the original?
The answer, I think, lies somewhere in between.
“There’s a sucker born every minute, and they’ll all call my radio show if I say something controversial about Carson Wentz and the Eagles.”
I know, I know. I’ve seen Angelo Cataldi’s tweet about Carson Wentz and Nick Foles this morning too. It’s crazy right? Doesn’t it make you furious that someone could be trumpeting this OUTRAGEOUS line of thinking just a mere month after the Eagles finally won a Super Bowl?! It’s infuriating, and I bet you can’t WAIT to give him a piece of your mind.
But, before you fire up the twitter accounts and lob some well-deserved insults Cataldi’s way, I’d like you to first take a breath, step away from your keyboard, and give this question some deep, deep thought.
Do you really think he believes this nonsense?
Of course he doesn’t.
Angelo Cataldi is the jowly, tepid Philadelphia sports talk radio version of P.T. Barnum, and he knows how to play this city and its fans like a fiddle to line his own coffers.
*2018 Super Bowl Winning Speech of the Year, as voted on by The Coggin Toboggan
Oh Mike Francesa, did somebody not get their nappy earlier this week? The sleepy, longtime radio personality (who is doing radio now more than ever after his retirement) decided his virgin ears were BESMIRCHED by Jason Kelce’s epic Super Bowl speech on the step’s of the Art Museum during last Thursday’s Super Bowl parade and called on Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie to cut the Pro-Bowl center for his lewdness.
Francesa dropped his own, far-less entertaining rant on the WOR Sports Zone, and was most likely heard by dozens upon dozens of fans listening on their HAM radios.
NBC Sports Philadelphia transcribed Francesa’s “old-man yells at cloud” moment for all of us to enjoy and mock forever:
I’ve been meaning to tell you guys something for a while now…I’m usually not one to beat around the bush, so I’ll just come out and say it. I’m a straight shooter, okay? I just come out and say what we want to say, you know? I don’t dance around things, I don’t hint, I don’t nudge, I just come right out and say it. Yes, I come right out and say what I truly believe, do you know what I’m saying?
I…I love you guys. Will you be my Valentine?
It’s been a week and a half since the Eagles won the Super Bowl. The sun is shining just a bit brighter, the grass is just a bit greener, and the horse manure caked into Broad Street tastes just a little bit sweeter.
Nobody is complaining, everyone is getting along, the Flyers and Sixers are a combined 8-0 since the Eagles finally brought a Lombardi back to Philadelphia.
This city is jubilant, we’re all in great moods…does it feel wrong to anyone else?
I’m not saying it’s bad to be feeling this way, it just doesn’t feel RIGHT for Philadelphia.
Nick Foles has been around, folks, and he’s one of the most talented backup quarterbacks in the NFL. But still, following the news that Carson Wentz had indeed torn his ACL and would miss the rest of the year set off great waling and gnashing of teeth throughout the Delaware Valley.
BUT DON’T FRET! Nick Foles is going to be fine and I’m fully expecting the Eagles to still reach the Super Bowl.
Do you know why I’m so confident? Do you know why I’m expecting the Eagles to not miss a single beat with Foles under center the rest of the way?
Let me reveal to you the source of all my confidence in one Nick Foles.
Houston, Texas – Sometimes the truth is definitely stranger than fiction!
Tom Brady experienced another “Deflategate” this afternoon as he drove down I-45 to NRG stadium and his Lexus blew a tire, delaying the star quarterback’s arrival to the stadium by several minutes.
Brady’s black Lexus reportedly careened into the guard rail before coming to a rest on the shoulder of the highway.
Guess that tire was a little under-inflated, am I right! Hope Roger Goodell doesn’t find out his tire was under the suggested PSI or his car may get suspended for the rest of the season!