Andy Reid

Philadelphia would be burning if Andy Reid won a Super Bowl first

Congratulations on the Super Bowl victory, Andy Reid! Thank god the Eagles won one first or you’d be the most hated man in all of Philadelphia.

Shy of Andy actually winning a Super Bowl with the Eagles, this is by far the best circumstance for him to win one (from our perspective anyways). The Eagles got theirs first, enough time passed between Reid’s inglorious exit and his own championship, and we all get to revel in his success without wanting to slit our throats if he won one before we got to experience a parade.

(more…)

What happens when Andy Reid beats the Eagles in Super Bowl LII?

Dateline: FEB. 4, 2018. Minneapolis, Minn. 10:37 p.m.

Joe Buck: “Harrison Butker lines up from the 20, a 37 yard field goal to send the Chiefs home with the Lombardi trophy…two seconds remaining, Eagles 24, Chiefs 23. Remember, this Chiefs drive started from their own 2 yard line with just 2 minutes remaining. A brilliant drive from Alex Smith and the Chiefs, with some tremendous play calling from Reid, perfect use of his three remaining timeouts.

Troy Aikman: “Just an unbelievable job from Smith and Reid to put the Chiefs in this position.”

Buck: “This for the game. The snap is good…the kick is up…anddddddddddd…..IT’S GOOD! AND THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS ARE YOUR SUPER BOWL LII CHAMPIONS, BEATING THE EAGLES BY A SCORE OF 23 TO 24. OH MY.”

Aikman: “And it couldn’t have happened to a better coach than Andy Reid, against the team he began his head coaching career with. Finally answering the criticisms and getting over the hump, tolling the bell with a masterful, clock eating drive. Using all of his remaining timeouts in brilliant fashion. Just a perfectly called final two minutes by Reid to become the 2018 NFL champions. Oh my.”

I have had a vision. I have foreseen how I will die.

(more…)

Greg Lewis beginning to suspect he was hired by Andy Reid purely to courier food to Kansas City

Andy ReidPhiladelphia, PA – The newly hired wide receivers coach for the Kansas City Chiefs Greg Lewis shook his head as he looked at yet another text from his new boss, head coach Andy Reid, as he packed up the last of his belongings to move out to Kansas City.

Lewis showed the latest text to a Coggin Toboggan reporter, which simply read, “10 cases of Butterscotch Krimpets + three pallets of Sarcone’s hard rolls.”

(more…)

It’s official, the Eagles are worse than the stomach flu
ap_740418341554-918fdec8-fill-735x490

The face that launched a thousand buckets of puke yesterday.

My kid has had the stomach flu since Wednesday. This house has been filled with puke, shit, tears, and all sorts of horrendous bodily fluids since early last week, some of them even from him.

Whether or not the puking/shitting was caused by him actually watching the first quarter of the game with me is yet to be determined.

Good LORD that was terrible. Doug Pederson basically had a stroke on the sidelines and decided to leave 6-points on the field in a crucial NFC East game and now the Eagles are where they belong, in the mother fucking basement.

(more…)

Nick Foles after watching Sam Bradford, Carson Wentz: ‘I could do that’

pi-nfl-chiefs-nick-foles-082116-vadapt-664-high-54Kansas City – Second string Kansas City Chief quarterback Nick Foles, watching highlights of former Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford and current Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz, shook his head and muttered dejectedly to himself after another week of not getting off the sidelines.

After seeing the highlight of Wentz side-stepping a rusher, running along the line of scrimmage, and finding Darren Sproles for a 73-yard touchdown to seal a win against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Foles couldn’t help but find fault in the play.

(more…)

Get to know Eagles head coach Doug Pederson in the NFL’s PR 2016 season guide

doug-pederson-650-362The NFL conducted interviews of every head coach for its 2016 PR guide before the start of the season to offer reporters and fans a bit of a glimpse into the side of the coaches that they might not see on Sundays.

The questions are a bit silly and don’t talk about the intricate details of football these men have to deal with on a weekly basis, but it’s an interesting study in seeing what makes these men tick outside of the football field.

We got our hands on Doug Pederson’s interview before it’s published in the PR guide and are happy to share it with you, our dear readers.

(more…)

REPORT: Heart disease really killed it last night at the Cataldi/Eskin roast
image-1

I hate this picture with every fiber of my being.

Philadelphia, PA – Billed as a brutal night of comedy for two local sports talks legends, guests at the Sports Roast of Angelo Cataldi and Howard Eskin, held Thursday night at the Crystal Tea Room in Philadelphia, were subjected to flat jokes and bad puns from local sports figures for nearly two hours.

However, the room was abuzz after an up and coming comic force really made its presence felt throughout the event.

(more…)

Andy Reid caught tampering with rib eating contest
Andy Reid

He’s got to do a better job. 

Kansas City – Sources confirmed Wednesday afternoon that Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Andy Reid would be fined $75,000 for tampering in pursuit of a coveted rib eating contest at Woodyard Bar-B-Q.

Representatives from the famous barbecue establishment said Coach Reid attempted to learn beforehand from a restaurant employee which sauces would be used for the 25th Annual “Rib Riot” contest.

(more…)

Amidst heavy criticism, Andy Reid fondly looks back on gigantic childhood

citerdpKansas City, Mo – A pensive, self-reflective Andy Reid sat back Sunday afternoon, a day after the Chiefs season came to a close in a playoff game against the Patriots, and openly wondered if the hard work put into each season was worth the criticism and brow beating a head coach is put through year in and year out.

After being lambasted for the Chiefs final, lackadaisical drive while down two scores, Reid sat back and yearned for the simpler days of his freakishly gigantic childhood.

(more…)

Andy Reid endorses Cheesesteak for Philadelphia head coach

Andy ReidPhiladelphia, PA – A former head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles made his opinions known this week as to who should be the next leader of the franchise.

Reid reportedly called owner Jeffrey Lurie and suggested he take a long, hard look at a cheesesteak from Tony Luke’s to lead the team for the 2016-2017 season.

“I owe everything I have to those sandwiches at Tony Luke’s. If I needed support or had a bad day, one or three of those delicious sandwiches would put me in a better mindset. Just one dripping with cheese whiz, tiny onions that melt in your mouth, I can practically taste it in my mustache as we speak,” Reid said.

“Well look at what we have here,” Reid said, running his fingers through his mustache and picking out a fossilized crumb from the depths of his whiskers.

Onlookers were horrified as the Kansas City coach then popped it into his mouth.

“See? You can always count on Tony Luke’s. I think that still had some cheese on it, my goodness,” Reid said. “That’ll make your engine run. Time’s yours.”

Reid reportedly then licked his lips for the next five minutes and stared into space.

At press time, Reid changed his endorsement to a 5-week-old pork chop he found in the folds of his back fat.