Kansas City, Mo – A pensive, self-reflective Andy Reid sat back Sunday afternoon, a day after the Chiefs season came to a close in a playoff game against the Patriots, and openly wondered if the hard work put into each season was worth the criticism and brow beating a head coach is put through year in and year out.
After being lambasted for the Chiefs final, lackadaisical drive while down two scores, Reid sat back and yearned for the simpler days of his freakishly gigantic childhood.
“It is all worth it? Back when I was a child trapped in the body of a monstrous man, things were so much simpler. Nobody second guessed your play calls, fans didn’t say mean things to your family, and the only people ever saying hurtful things to you were the onlookers who wanted to get a glimpse of the infamous Reid man-child,” Reid said.
Reid sat back heavily in an office chair, deep in thought.
“All you had to worry about was school yard crushes, who had a few dollars for a new baseball, and if you had a dangerously enlarged heart that would cut your life short by several decades,” he said.
Reid has been heavily criticized by fans and the sports media after the loss, many of whom said Reid mismanaged the final 2:23 when the Chiefs were down 27-13 against the mighty Patriots. The Chiefs seemed almost lackadaisical during the final drive, wasting several minutes during their last possession.
“When did it all change? It seems like it was just yesterday I was in third grade, having to shave every morning, and already wearing size 15 shoes,” Reid said. “Doctors didn’t think I’d live past the age of 12. I had to wear mens slacks at the age of 8. No Huffy could support my girth. My hat size was 8 and a quarter when I was 5. Good times.”
At press time, Reid heavily sighed as he look at a picture of him on his 10th birthday, being airlifted by a Huey Helicopter out of a deflated bounce house.