Using sophisticated hacking technology, the Coggin is able to give you an exclusive look at today’s in-progress NFL social media class for its athletes. Due to several social media faux pas, the NFL mandated the course be taken by several of its most recent
Let’s take a look at the ongoing meeting transcript, shall we?
Kevin Mawae did what we were all fantasizing about doing yesterday to human bucket of ammonia Britt McHenry, as he put the bleached blonde gas bag firmly in her place after the attention grabber inexplicably tweeted a 10-part conspiracy theory about the Eagles Chris Long and his charitable contributions.
Perhaps a tad woozy arising from her coffin after a night of feasting on the blood of the innocent and small rodents, McHenry decided it would be a perfectly sane time to fire off several tweets criticizing Chris Long’s take-down of the new NFL National Anthem policy.
Everyone’s favorite crotch-kicking, kiss-my-ass club founder senior citizen and owner/CEO of the WWE Vince McMahon is DEEPLY considering bringing the XFL back next year, and may even make the announcement on Jan. 25, 2018.
That may be kind of cool, right? Everyone remembers the XFL… the sprint to the ball before the game… “He Hate Me.” Remember him? OH GOD, WHAT A CARD. Who hates him? Oh yeah, he, he does. He hates him, so He Hates Me. It’s the 21st century version of an Abbott and Costello routine. Who hates him? FIRST BASE!
But more football can’t be a bad idea, right? They could learn from their mistakes, put out a better product this time around, and finally present an alternative league that could give the NFL a run for its money.
No thank you. Reviving the XFL would Vince McMahon’s worst decision he thought booking Al Snow and Big Bossman in a Kennel from Hell match would be a huge draw (wrestling nerds will get that…it’s hilarious, believe me).
Hey Colin Kaepernick, do you really want to get back into the NFL? Are you looking for a solution that will bring you back into the good graces of NFL owners?
Forget about cutting your afro, it’s not just about your hair. You have to go all in and start a dog fighting ring if you want to be brought back into the National Football League.
You’ve got to be like Mike, Kaep. You need to follow the Michael Vick reclamation program if you ever want to play in the NFL again.
Forget about raising $1 million for charity, that’s not getting you anywhere. Meals on Wheels donations? Fuck em’. You need to go all in like Michael Vick, round up as many dogs as you can get your hands on, and organize the most violent, sophisticated dog-fighting ring that this country has ever seen.
Perhaps in a desperate attempt to bolster its sliding ratings, 94 WIP threw caution to the wind this morning when Midday host Joe DeCamara decided to discuss, on live air, a controversial NFL mock draft that has been floating around the dark web of the internet for the past week.
For perhaps the first time in the station’s vaunted and respected history, a sports talk show decided to acknowledge and discuss unverified rumors about an upcoming sporting event.
Only previously discussed in hushed tones by journalists behind closed doors, DeCamara brought up the several page document, published by an unknown NFL insider and malcontent at ESPN, which attempted to accurately predict every pick for the seven round draft based on each team’s needs on the field.
Team leader Nelson Agholor can’t wait to mentor Alshon Jeffery, Torrey Smith.
Philadelphia, PA – Nelson Agholor met with the media yesterday after news broke that the Eagles had signed wide receivers Alshon Jeffery and Torrey Smith and said he “couldn’t wait to mentor the new guys” when they arrived in the city.
When asked what he first thought of the signings when the news broke on social media, Agholor said he was excited to see the competition between Jeffery and Smith for the number two wide receiver spot on the team’s depth chart.
“Are you kidding me? Either of those guys would be perfect number twos on this team. One of them is going to have to settle for that third spot though, but it should be a hell of a competition. I can’t wait to open up the field for those guys,” Agholor said.
For the second year in a row, several of the more popular NFL GMs took the opportunity to make Howie Roseman’s life miserable, as they bullied the Eagles GM into giving them a “free agency tax” of whatever pocket money he had in his wallet and his iPhone, which they promptly threw into a nearby toilet in a girl’s restroom.
Despite Roseman’s protests that would he be telling “Mr. Lurie about this,” New England Patriots coach and de facto GM Bill Belichick put Roseman into a vicious headlock while Steelers GM Kevin Colbert gave him several wet willies.
New York, NY – This should give the New York media more ammunition to pile on Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr.
After dropping several passes in key situations against the Green Bay Packers yesterday and facing harsh criticism for his decision to attend a boat party in Miami last week with several teammates, new information is breaking that reported Odell Beckham Jr. stole a gold doubloon piece from a spectral ghost ship the revelers came upon while sailing through deep fog off the Florida coast.
Philadelphia, PA – Appearing on 97.5 the Fanatic, former Eagles wide receiver addressed the news of the day that Hall of Fame bound Steve Smith Sr. had officially announced his retirement.
Mitchell, who was actually drafted higher than Smith Sr. in the 2001 draft, took the opportunity to declare that he would have had a better career than the surefire hall of fame wide receiver if Donovan McNabb had not been the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles.
Here’s the portion of this weekly column where we tell you that we suck at picking these games. We do. We really suck. At least last week we were able to predict that the Eagles would lose to the Redskins, but of course we thought they would cover. Fuck me running.
This week the Eagles (5-8) take on the Baltimore Ravens (7-6). Interesting note, I used to cover Evesham Township for a local newspaper and their mayor, Randy Brown, is a kicking specialist for the Ravens. He hooked me up with an interview with head coach John Harbaugh and he was AWESOME. He didn’t have to take time out of his schedule to field questions from a little shit dick paper in New Jersey during the season, but he did anyway.
I do hope my best friend John Harbaugh has a good weekend taking on this pathetic football team.
But you know what? It doesn’t matter what I think, but what our special guest picker of the week thinks. That being said, who is making our picks this week?