For the second year in a row, several of the more popular NFL GMs took the opportunity to make Howie Roseman’s life miserable, as they bullied the Eagles GM into giving them a “free agency tax” of whatever pocket money he had in his wallet and his iPhone, which they promptly threw into a nearby toilet in a girl’s restroom.
Despite Roseman’s protests that would he be telling “Mr. Lurie about this,” New England Patriots coach and de facto GM Bill Belichick put Roseman into a vicious headlock while Steelers GM Kevin Colbert gave him several wet willies.
“You won’t be telling anyone about this, Howie. Good luck calling the best NFL free agents during the designated legal tampering portion of free agency without an iPhone. Oopsy, hope you got the water damage warranty, RoseGIRL,” Belichick said, snickering as Colbert ran into the girls bathroom to deposit the phone into the nearest toilet.
“Looks like you’ll be stuck with signing Kenny Britt for $12 million a year. Have fun buddy. Just let this be a lesson to you, don’t mess around with the best. You’re just a loser. You always have been and you always will be,” said John Elway, GM of the Denver Broncos.
The three GMs then decided to shove Roseman into the nearest garbage can head first, calling him trash head Howie as they did so.
At press time, a panicked Roseman was running out of the girl’s bathroom as Carol Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, called him a “creepy little pervert.”