Howie Roseman

‘We can takes cues from 76ers on injured players,’ says Roseman after taking mallet to cornerback’s knee

102813-howie-roseman-600After vigorously bashing recently selected cornerback Sidney Jones’s knee into a pulp with a croquet mallet, Howie Roseman held a press conference and assured the media that the Eagles were taking a cue from the 76ers medical staff on how to handle their injured prospects.

Jones, a highly regarded and talented cornerback, was selected by the Eagles in the 2nd round despite suffering a ruptured Achilles tendon at his pro-day workout.

“We can take a cue from the team across the street, and how they deal with injured players,” Roseman said, calmly washing the thick blood from his hands.


Cooler, more popular NFL GMs throw Howie Roseman’s iPhone into the toilet on legal tampering day

howieFor the second year in a row, several of the more popular NFL GMs took the opportunity to make Howie Roseman’s life miserable, as they bullied the Eagles GM into giving them a “free agency tax” of whatever pocket money he had in his wallet and his iPhone, which they promptly threw into a nearby toilet in a girl’s restroom.

Despite Roseman’s protests that would he be telling “Mr. Lurie about this,” New England Patriots coach and de facto GM Bill Belichick put Roseman into a vicious headlock while Steelers GM Kevin Colbert gave him several wet willies.


BREAKING: Eagles to make Ted Cruz priority in free agency


What a load.

Sources are reporting that the Philadelphia Eagles will make a hard run at defensive lineman Ted Cruz (R-Texas) when free agency opens on Thursday, March 9.

Citing a need for a “big ol’ body to plug up the middle of the line,” Eagles Executive Vice President of Football Operations Howie Roseman said Cruz could be exactly what the line needs to stuff the run on early downs.


Howie Roseman clarifies reason for Eric Rowe trade: “I didn’t like his jerk-off face”

102813-howie-roseman-600Philadelphia, PA – Howie Roseman commented on his controversial decision to trade cornerback Eric Rowe to the New England Patriots prior to the start of the 2016-2017 season this morning during an appearance on the 94 WIP Morning Show with Angelo Cataldi.

Roseman noted he felt as if he should give the fans an explanation of why Rowe, a second year cornerback that has found success with the Super Bowl bound Patriots, was traded for a 2018 4th round draft pick.


REPORT: Eagles interested in trade for Alshon Jeffery, all other NFL wide receivers


Will Alshon Jeffery be a member of the Eagles this year?

Philadelphia, PA – Reports are slowing leaking out of Philadelphia that Eagles GM Howie Roseman may be looking to make a little magic happen before the NFL’s trade deadline on Nov. 1, 4 p.m.

Reports have come into the Coggin Toboggan claiming the Philadelphia Eagles are looking to make a deal to acquire every wide receiver in the NFL and are willing to give up multiple draft picks to do so.

The Eagles are reportedly interested in Alshon Jeffery, Torrey Smith, Odel Beckham Jr., Antonio Brown, Julio Jones, DeAndre Hopkins, AJ Green, Steve Smith Sr., Victor Cruz, Desean Jackson, Demarius Thomas, Pierre Garcon, Will Fuller V, Dez Bryant, Jordy Nelson, Doug Baldwin, Emmanuel Sanders, Terrell Pryor Sr., John Brown, Michael Floyd, Tavon Austin, Kenny Britt, Cody Latimer, Marqise Lee, Larry Fitzgerald, Willie Snead, Golden Tate and several others.


Sam Bradford announces intentions to take ball, go home

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – Perhaps after digesting the news that the Philadelphia Eagles had traded for the second overall pick in this Thursday’s NFL draft, Sam Bradford reported to the organization that he was likely to take his ball and go home if the franchise selected another quarterback.

Stating that the Eagles front office had “pinkie swore” and Mr. Roseman had “promised” that he would be the starting quarterback next year, the under .500 quarterback who has never won a playoff game in his five-year career threatened to “never play for this stupid town ever, ever again” if not allowed to play quarterback for the 2016 season.


REPORT: Howie Roseman addressed Eagles roster before blockbuster trade


Roseman broke the news of the blockbuster trade to the roster before it was made public.

Philadelphia, PA – Howie Roseman addressed the entirety of the Eagles roster earlier today moments before he revealed the organizations decision to trade up for Cleveland’s second overall pick in the 2016 NFL Draft.


According to several reports, Roseman called the roster together and addressed them about the transaction.

“Today we felt we had received an offer from the Browns that was too good to pass up. We gave away several draft picks this year and several more in the year’s to come. Obviously this will definitely mean some changes to our roster,” Roseman said.


Report: NFL denied Roseman’s original contract offer to DeMarco Murray

102813-howie-roseman-600Philadelphia, PA – Adding further credence to Chip Kelly’s claims that he and Howie Roseman did not directly speak at all last season, a leaked report has shown the NFL front office originally denied an approved contract between the Eagles and recently released running back DeMarco Murray.

Kelly made claims today that he told a middle man about potential targets he hoped the Eagles would acquire before the 2015 season. Roseman, he said, did all of the contract negotiations.


Riley Cooper implies Howie Roseman is a racist

102813-howie-roseman-600After the Philadelphia Eagles made a bevy of moves on Monday afternoon, recently released wide receiver Riley Cooper made some unsubtle comments about Howie Roseman and the players he chose to get rid of this offseason.

“You see how fast he got rid of all the good players. Especially all the good white players. He got rid of them the fastest. That’s the truth. There’s a reason. … It’s hard to explain with him. But there’s a reason he got rid of all the white players — the good ones — like that,” Cooper said from his offseason Florida home.


BREAKING: DeMarco Murray traded for two players

082215_demarco-murray-600Philadelphia, PA – Howie Roseman is at it again, as the man apparently in charge of making personnel moves for the Philadelphia Eagles has announced that running back DeMarco Murray will be traded to the Miami Dolphins, not the Tennessee Titans as was once reported, in a move that will net the Eagles two top-tier defensive players.

When the trade is finalized by the league on Wednesday, the Eagles will officially acquire shut down cornerback Byron Maxwell and stud linebacker Kiko Alonso in the blockbuster deal.