After vigorously bashing recently selected cornerback Sidney Jones’s knee into a pulp with a croquet mallet, Howie Roseman held a press conference and assured the media that the Eagles were taking a cue from the 76ers medical staff on how to handle their injured prospects.
Jones, a highly regarded and talented cornerback, was selected by the Eagles in the 2nd round despite suffering a ruptured Achilles tendon at his pro-day workout.
“We can take a cue from the team across the street, and how they deal with injured players,” Roseman said, calmly washing the thick blood from his hands.
Jones’s tortured screams could be heard from the Eagles training room as Roseman stood at the podium with a splintered and blood covered mallet.
“The 76ers organization has had some success dealing with injured prospects in the last three years. This is the best and only way for Jones to get back on the field and contribute to the Eagles,” Roseman said, as he cast aside the blunt-force weapon, it soppilly falling to the floor, heavily matted with Jones’s viscera.
An aide briefly approached the podium, whispered to Roseman and handed him a large sledgehammer.
“That’s all for today. It’s time for Mr. Jones’s second round of therapy for the day,” he said, as he hoisted the sledgehammer to his shoulder.