Sam Bradford announces intentions to take ball, go home

Sam BPhiladelphia, PA – Perhaps after digesting the news that the Philadelphia Eagles had traded for the second overall pick in this Thursday’s NFL draft, Sam Bradford reported to the organization that he was likely to take his ball and go home if the franchise selected another quarterback.

Stating that the Eagles front office had “pinkie swore” and Mr. Roseman had “promised” that he would be the starting quarterback next year, the under .500 quarterback who has never won a playoff game in his five-year career threatened to “never play for this stupid town ever, ever again” if not allowed to play quarterback for the 2016 season.

Bradford expressed his displeasure that the more popular Carson Wentz would likely be drafted this Thursday.

“Everyone is going to like him more than me, it’s not fair. It just isn’t, I hate him!” Bradford whined at an assembled press conference, where several reporters asked him to speak louder, sit up straight, and “not use that tone” with them.

“Maybe I’ll just take my ball and go back to Oklahoma, that would show everyone here. Then nobody would be able to play. Or, or maybe I’ll throw it on the roof of the Novacare Center, that would show them. Well, maybe I won’t do that, it’s my favorite and my mom got it for me for my birthday,” Bradford grumbled.

At press time, Howie Roseman had apparently convinced Bradford to stay for at least two more seasons after buying him an ice cream and allowing him to stay up to 10 p.m. on the weekends.

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