Confession. I didn’t see a second of the game yesterday. I had to watch the ESPN.com gamecast app on my phone as I half paid attention to a delightful Sunday wedding (mazel tov, Barry and Carol).
I didn’t see a second of the action, but even by intermittently reading the results of each play on my phone I could tell the Eagles had unhooked the Broncos off their ventilator in the first quarter and silently watched them pass away for the rest of the game like an unwanted relative.
It was a mercy killing. Brock, sorry, but you shouldn’t have signed that DNR.
Watching highlights of the game reaffirmed what I saw on Gamecast. It was a smashing, through and through, against one of the best defenses in the NFL.
Big dick Nick Foles even got to slang it around for a while. I’m sure you’ll hear a few people call into WIP and wonder if Foles should start for the rest of the year to keep Wentz “fresh.”
The Eagles are 8-1. Tops in the NFC East. Tops in the NFC. Tops in the NFL.
So why are we all still waiting for the other shoe to drop? Why is it so hard for us to come to grips that this team is actually this fucking good?
For the second year in a row, several of the more popular NFL GMs took the opportunity to make Howie Roseman’s life miserable, as they bullied the Eagles GM into giving them a “free agency tax” of whatever pocket money he had in his wallet and his iPhone, which they promptly threw into a nearby toilet in a girl’s restroom.
Despite Roseman’s protests that would he be telling “Mr. Lurie about this,” New England Patriots coach and de facto GM Bill Belichick put Roseman into a vicious headlock while Steelers GM Kevin Colbert gave him several wet willies.
Nelson Agholor is dangerously close to wearing his welcome out in Philadelphia. Another week, another series of soul-crushing drops from the city’s most despised wide receiver.
You know what? Nelson doesn’t let it bother him. Nah, why would he? He just brushes off the drops, goes on to run his next route (and probably drop that pass as well), and (most likely) hits up a strip club after the game despite warnings from teammates and franchise officials.
But how DARE anyone ask Nelly about the drops after the game. He doesn’t cotton to that nonsense. Nelly pretty much punched his ticket out of town after the year ends by criticizing a reporter for asking him to address his case of dropsies that has plagued him all year.
Compare Nelly’s reaction to pressure to that of Wade Phillips, 69-year-old defensive coordinator of the Denver Broncos who absolutely got TRUCKED on the sideline of yesterday’s game against the Chargers, who took his lumps with aplomb and good grace.
Let’s compare the results of both Agholor and Phillip’s horrendous days at the office and how they affected the fanbases and teams.
Denver, Colo. – Peyton Manning, arguably the one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game, held an emotional press conference today to announce that a new variety of Papa John’s Pizza would be available at locations countrywide.
In front of hundreds of assembled media members, former players, coaches, and front office executive, Manning officially confirmed what many had reported on since early Sunday morning.
San Francisco, Ca – Saying it was about time he “hit that old, dusty trail,” Peyton Manning cleaned out his locker, said goodbyes to his teammates, and rode a hearse off into the San Francisco sunset.
The 39-year-old quarterback has hinted to several close friends that this Super Bowl may be his last game, but few figured Manning would make the important decision moments after winning Super Bowl 50.
Denver, Colo – Perhaps rubbing salt into Chip Kelly’s wounds, Evan Mathis, a member of the Broncos Super Bowl bound roster, sent a picture of himself partying at 2 a.m. at a Denver nightclub to Chip Kelly’s cell phone.
The picture reportedly was sent along with the following message:
“Up past 10 p.m., how will we ever be ready to play?! Oh wait, we’re grown men who don’t need 12 hours a sleep a night. We’re going to the Super Bowl, enjoy San Francisco! Too bad we don’t have any internal monitors on this team, or maybe you could monitor how much I hate you and wish you would die on a daily basis. Thanks for cutting me, so long chump.” the text reportedly read.
St. Louis, MO – Current free-agent wide receiver Wes Welker, who enjoyed many fine years with the Patriots and Broncos before suffering several severe concussions, worked out for the St. Louis Rams today in hopes of rejuvenating his stalled career.
The 34-year-old wide receiver has worked out for several teams this year and the last, having not played a game in the NFL since 2014.
He continues to express disbelief that he is not employed by an NFL team, who may be wary of signing the once elite receiver due to his history of concussions.
“I strongly believe I should still be in the National Federation Football League. The doctors say my brain function may not do too good, but I can still catch that dogskin with the best of them. Just give me a chance and I can lead this organization in catching feet, I tell you,” He told several assembled reporters at the Rams practice facility.