Philadelphia, PA – Appearing on 97.5 the Fanatic, former Eagles wide receiver addressed the news of the day that Hall of Fame bound Steve Smith Sr. had officially announced his retirement.
Mitchell, who was actually drafted higher than Smith Sr. in the 2001 draft, took the opportunity to declare that he would have had a better career than the surefire hall of fame wide receiver if Donovan McNabb had not been the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles.
Here’s the portion of this weekly column where we tell you that we suck at picking these games. We do. We really suck. At least last week we were able to predict that the Eagles would lose to the Redskins, but of course we thought they would cover. Fuck me running.
This week the Eagles (5-8) take on the Baltimore Ravens (7-6). Interesting note, I used to cover Evesham Township for a local newspaper and their mayor, Randy Brown, is a kicking specialist for the Ravens. He hooked me up with an interview with head coach John Harbaugh and he was AWESOME. He didn’t have to take time out of his schedule to field questions from a little shit dick paper in New Jersey during the season, but he did anyway.
I do hope my best friend John Harbaugh has a good weekend taking on this pathetic football team.
But you know what? It doesn’t matter what I think, but what our special guest picker of the week thinks. That being said, who is making our picks this week?
We at the Coggin Toboggan hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving. Just remember, as you’re enjoying your turkey and time with family, there are those of us that are spending their Thanksgivings alone, in an empty apartment with a bottle of half-empty Wild Turkey, weeping softly to ourselves as we watch that episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air where Carlton and Hillary volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving and make complete asses of themselves.
Please enjoy some of the articles we enjoyed writing this past year.
Elated Gerald Henderson thought MVP chants were for him.
Abbot and Costello make our Eagles picks for the week.
Disappointed Ryan Howard definitely expected a car.
Deadbeat dad really going all out with upper deck Phillies tickets.
Mike Missanelli hospitalized after watching Chase Utley receive two curtain calls.
What are you looking at? Gobble gobble.
Ahhhh Thanksgiving. A time for family, a time for good food and a time for visiting those weird relatives who still don’t have cable even though it’s 2016 and serve striped hard candy for dessert. You know the ones, their house smells like cat piss even though to the best of your knowledge they’ve never even owned a cat? Yeah, them. I know, they suck, but they’re lonely and nobody ever visits them, so get your ass over to their house and PLAY NICE.
Each year, the current president pardons two turkeys on the eve of Thanksgiving to keep the birds out of the slaughterhouse. Sure, it means absolutely nothing when hundreds of thousands of them are actually sent to the slaughterhouse each year, but it’s kitschy!
So it got us to thinking…why don’t we steal the idea and pardon someone we’ve given a hard time to over the past year? That’s a nice gesture, right? Sure it is, it’s a great look for us and will give us some much needed positive press after last year’s unfortunate holiday post, “It’s a Jerry Sandusky kind of Thanksgiving.”
Our thoughts exactly, Greg.
At this point in the Eagles season I need to take a long, hard look at what I’m doing with my free time. Wasting four hours of my life to watch the Eagles fuck their way through an afternoon shouldn’t be an option anymore. Just imagine what I could have done with those four hours…I could have re-caulked my bathroom appliances, taken a nap, soundproofed my sex dungeon…anything would have been better than watching Nelson Agholor have a stroke on the field in front of a national TV audience.
Maybe we should slowly start transitioning ourselves over to a politics based website?
DID YOU SEE WHAT TRUMP TWEETED? What a prick! Hey, we’re halfway there.
I…where do I even start? Three straight weeks, hardly any correct picks, it’s been and out and out nightmare. Sure, the Eagles proved us wrong and got a victory against the Falcons, but at what cost? They made us look foolish and I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF BEING MADE THE FOOL.
It doesn’t get much easier this weekend, as the Eagles (5-4) are going west to take on the Seattle Seahawks (6-2) and hopefully not commit suicide like Kurt Cobain after the game. It’s a dreary region, I’m just saying is all. Don’t think it would be a bad idea to take Nigel Bradham’s guns away from him if they lose….
Eagles Win-Loss predictions: 3-6
Eagles spread predictions: 3-6
DARK. Oh well. The Eagles are a 6.5 point underdog, so it’s time to bring out the big guns. So, who exactly will be making our Eagles picks this week?
A nation of football fans were treated to a spectacular weekend of professional and college match ups, as the #2, #3 and #4 nationally ranked college teams lost in nail biting fashion and the NFL hosted several of the finest games its seen all season.
However, the vaunted Patriots vs. Seahawks Sunday nightcap didn’t live up to fan expectations.
In a national survey, fans who stayed up to watch the 31-24 Seahawks victory felt disappointed that they didn’t witness a career ending Tom Brady injury or a stadium collapse that enveloped both teams under tons of rubble, concrete and rebar.