The Pros/Cons of Carson Wentz

022816_carson-wentz_1200With news dropping that the number two overall draft pick Carson Wentz would not participate in the final preseason game this Thursday and would likely not dress for the regular season, it’s natural for Eagles fans to wonder if they were sold a bill of goods on the young quarterback.

Sure he had great success in his college career at North Dakota State playing against sub par competition, but how good is the young gunslinger and will he ever live up to expectations in a city that demands a lot from its football team?

The Coggin Toboggan’s scout team has you covered and has put together a comprehensive pros and cons list of what many fans hope will be the first quarterback to bring a Super Bowl to Philadelphia.

PROS:

  • Can palm a football with just one hand.
  • Looks great wearing a rib brace.
  • Will have plenty of time to finish his college courses sitting on the sideline all goddamn season.
  • Lucky to be drafted by a team whose fan base has proven to be exceptionally patient with high draft picks.
  • Showed great escapability in one preseason appearance, which will come in handy years from now when forced to flee the city after not winning a Super Bowl.
  • Has only been trapped in New Jersey rest stop bathroom once in his life.
  • Comes from the hotbed football city of Bismarck, North Dakota, so should be well prepared for the Philadelphia sports media and 24/7 sports talk coverage he’ll face.

CONS:

  • Wears stick on eye black strips instead of drawing them on himself, so he’s prone to taking shortcuts to success.
  • Has asked coaches on several occasions if he can leave in third quarter of the preseason games to beat traffic home.
  • Too timid to tell the equipment manager that his first name isn’t spelled with a “K” and Wentz is actually spelled with a “Z,” not an “S,” and that he never asked for the number 69 for his jersey.
  • Lists “Bugs” as his favorite Pearl Jam song.
  • Says the city smells weird in the summer. It does, but it would be polite to not mention it to the media.
  • Doesn’t really care all that much for football, to tell you the truth.
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