Zack Hample, the annoying ball hawk that has long overstayed his welcome in the public eye, wrote a post on his blog in 2013 about a trip he took to Citizens Bank Park for an August match-up between the Phillies and the Braves.

He describes then Braves closer Craig Kimbrel actively encouraging his fellow bullpen mates to not throw the needy Hample a ball.

Craig Kimbrel, I salute you.

Enough with Zack Hample. You’re nearly 40-years-old and still running around baseball stadiums with a glove, trampling fans to catch foul balls and home runs…it’s over. Your ten minutes of fame is finished.

I’d rather listen to a complete stranger talk to me about their fantasy football losses than listen to someone go on and on and on about how they catch foul balls at baseball games.

Everyone rejoiced when you were called out for sneaking into the Fort Bragg game. You’re an annoyance, at best, and a complete narcissistic distraction everywhere you go.

Lets take a quick look at Mr. Hample’s wikipedia page….oh wow, did you know he has a rubber band ball he started building when he was three years old? NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. He was an attention whore at three years old.

So he attended a July 17 game at CBP when the Dodgers were in town.

Did he make an ass of himself? He sure did.

Did he think he was super cool for catching two “gamers?” Of course he did.

Lets take a look at one moment in the game after he “caught” one of the foul balls during the game.

So you see the gentleman in the black shirt, sitting at the table, minding his own business when a foul ball clanks off the wall behind him and literally hits him in the back and then rolls under his ass onto the ground. See the middle-aged guy with the glove eagerly running over to run in between the guy’s legs to get the ball? That’s our boy Zack.

What did Zack have to say about this interaction. Probably a bit embarrassed that he had to practically run in between some stranger’s crotch to get the ball, I’m sure.

“Somehow this guy found me later on Twitter and accused me of “stealing” the ball from him. Maybe he got pissed when I celebrated? Seriously, though, he didn’t seem the least bit bothered at the time, and anyway, there’s no rule that grants ownership just because a ball happens to land on your seat.”

Yeah, and nobody wants to be rushed by some 40 year old loser with a glove, scrambling to get his 9000th foul ball.

You think he was pissed that some 40 year old ran up to him like a school boy and thrust his hand behind his ass to try and grab a foul ball? And then celebrated like he got his first hand job from his high school crush?

Yeah I’d be pissed.

Enough, Zack. What’s the end game here? Am I going to take my son to his first Phillies game in five years and see someone closing in on 50 sprinting through the park to get a foul ball?

Are you going to do this when you’re 70? Shatter a hip when you try to run down a home run from Mike Trout Jr.?

The happiest day of my life will be when Hample’s ball streak comes to an end and he spirals into a deep, dark depression.

Those will be good times.