Chris Wheeler

Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

WheelerWhat a debut last week from our inaugural picker for the 2016-2017 Philadelphia Eagles season. Chris Wheeler just BACK LEGGED it out of the park for us, successfully predicting the Eagles would defeat the Browns and cover the spread in week one.

That magnificent toupeed bastard looked middle in and absolutely crushed his prediction.

But we tread on, bringing in yet another special guest to make our picks in week 2. Will he or she be as spot on as Wheels was in week 1? We’ll see Monday night when the Eagles take on the Bears during Monday Night Football (ALLLLLLLL YOUR ROWDY FRIENDS ON MONDAY NIGHT) in week 2.

Here’s our record so far:

Win/Loss prediction record: 1-0

Against the spread: 1-0

But who have we brought in to make the week 2 pick? Will they keep the good times rolling?

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Who will make our Eagles picks this season?
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RIP Snickers the Possum. We hardly knew ye. (2015-2016)

What a conundrum. Just two days from the start of the Eagles 2016-2017 season and we have no columnist to pick games for us. Last year, as everyone knows, we employed Snickers, an anthropomorphic possum, to serve as our official Eagles handicapper. The lovable little scamp quickly scittered his way into our collective hearts and became a fan favorite.

Unfortunately, he was terrible at picking games. TERRIBLE. I’m not sure he picked a single game correctly through the five weeks we allowed him to pick games last year. He had terrible jokes, awful possum puns, he would play dead whenever we tried to tell him he needed to improve his performance….it was frustrating.

So after smashing his head on a rock, we abandoned our game predictions and vowed to never do it again.

But it’s a new year. New grass on the field, a new quarterback at the helm, so why don’t we try this again?

But who will make our Eagles picks now? Well, we decided to bring in SPECIAL GUESTS each and every week to share their knowledge with us, their wisdom, and hopefully not sue the website for using their likeness and making fun of them to pick football games.

But who is up first this season…..?

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Snickers the Possum no longer works for this company, but we found a replacement
Snickers the Possum.

Snickers the Possum.

Editor’s Note: Snickers the Possum was one of the worst football analysts we have ever seen. What were we thinking? A possum that speaks who tries to use his powers to analyze football games? He was just AWFUL. All four game predictions incorrect, just horrible puns and jokes about being a possum….he just could not have been more annoying and irritating. Not to mention the days he would come into the office and lie on the floor for hours at a time, pretending to be dead….WE KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE SNICKERS, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

Now we’re not saying Snickers the Possum will never come back, he very well may come back at a later date, but right now we think  it’s time to make a change. So without further delay, we’d like to introduce our newest football analyst….

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Phillies spring training equipment list addendum leaks to media

phi_1200x630Clearwater, Fla – The Philadelphia Phillies released an official list to the media last week detailing the extensive amount of equipment the organization is shipping from Philadelphia to Clearwater for the upcoming 2015 Spring Training.

The CT was able to snag an addendum list of equipment the organization wants to keep from the media. Here is what the Phillies will also be shipping down to Clearwater for the organization and its athletes.

2015 Equipment List:

• 6 cases of Jim Bean and a renewal subscription for Hustler Magazine (Larry Andersen)

• Lifetime membership to Morrie’s wigs (Chris Wheeler)

• Several contacts for financial managers (Ryan Howard)

• 15 crates of horn rimmed glasses (Scott Franzke)

• 1 pair of gator skin boots and 25 corn cob pipes (Charlie Manuel)

• 1 red little league outfielder’s glove (Ben Revere)

• Several round trip tickets to Reading, Pennsylvania. No expiration date. (Darin Ruf)

• 1 “Hello my name is” sticker. (Aaron Altherr)

• 1 muzzle (Jonathan Papelbon)

• 1 pink slip (Ruben Amaro Jr.)