I…where do I even start? Three straight weeks, hardly any correct picks, it’s been and out and out nightmare. Sure, the Eagles proved us wrong and got a victory against the Falcons, but at what cost? They made us look foolish and I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF BEING MADE THE FOOL.
It doesn’t get much easier this weekend, as the Eagles (5-4) are going west to take on the Seattle Seahawks (6-2) and hopefully not commit suicide like Kurt Cobain after the game. It’s a dreary region, I’m just saying is all. Don’t think it would be a bad idea to take Nigel Bradham’s guns away from him if they lose….
Eagles Win-Loss predictions: 3-6
Eagles spread predictions: 3-6
DARK. Oh well. The Eagles are a 6.5 point underdog, so it’s time to bring out the big guns. So, who exactly will be making our Eagles picks this week?
Hey, it’s me! Snickers the Possum! You thought you were rid of me after last year when a Toboggan intern threw me into a wood chipper after my DISMAL performance picking games for the website, but you were wrong. DEAD WRONG. If you’re going to murder a possum, Coggin Toboggan, I suggest you stick around and make sure the deed is done.
You won’t get rid of me that easily.
But let me tell you, if there are two things in this world that I know, it’s that old moldy cardboard boxes are an inexpensive and easy source of fiber and I’m an excellent football analyst.
So the beloved Eagles are heading out to rainy Seattle for a contest against the Seahawks. The Pacific Northwest is NOT a friendly region for possums, let me tell you. I get the sniffles just thinking about it. I will say, the humidity does tend to encourage fungus growth, which gives the rotting garbage that extra kick I do enjoy so much.
Pro tip, though. You need to stay away from that film of mold that grows on top of old coffee. I was lapping that up one day, minding my own business, and the next thing I remember was blacking out and waking up with an old, elderly woman screaming in her bed as she struggled to unwrap my scaly tail from around her neck. I was tripping balls! I don’t remember who I got into her house, why I decided to cuddle up next to her, but she was NOT happy. It wasn’t that big of a deal though. I apologize, skittered away from the bed, ate her heart medicine and left.
Just another day in the life of Snickers the Possum, your friendly neighborhood drug addict. I’m just kidding, stay off drugs kids! Up with hope, down with dope.
Oh yes, the Eagles. Hmmmmm….I will say I have eating the carcasses of both an Eagle and a Seahawk, and an Eagle is much more delicious.
With that in mind, the Eagles will storm into the northwest and escape with a victory, 21-14.
That’s it for this week!