XFL

The Coggin Toboggan is coming to an end…once I become an XFL coach

The XFL. The PINNACLE of professional football in America. Such vaunted men of lore whose names are still spokenĀ  in hushed tones across the great gridirons in this fine country. Tommy Maddox! Mike Furrey! Uhh….uhhhh…..that He Hate Me guy! Remember him?! He was fun!

It’s a league steeped in fine football tradition….and wrestling. Please don’t forget about the wrestling.

So when I saw on Twitter that Vince McMahon would PERSONALLY be reading applications for coaches and players when the XFL kicks off again in 2020, well, I figured it would be my one shot at glory. Plus, they’re taking applications through LinkedIn, and guess who has a scarcely visited profile he created more than a decade ago……THIS GUY.

I’m not a sucker though. I’m 36, I still have plenty left in the tank, but I think these men, these WARRIORS would find my wisdom to be much more valuable than what I could do physically next to them on the XFL field. I have so much to teach….so why not be a coach? Also, my doctor told me if I sustain one more concussion I very well may fall into a deep, dark coma and never return, so this seems like a win-win on so many levels.

Check out my very real application to the XFL after the jump. You can apply here too if you like.

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Is there any way the XFL could succeed a second time around?

Everyone’s favorite crotch-kicking, kiss-my-ass club founder senior citizen and owner/CEO of the WWE Vince McMahon is DEEPLY considering bringing the XFL back next year, and may even make theĀ announcement on Jan. 25, 2018.

That may be kind of cool, right? Everyone remembers the XFL… the sprint to the ball before the game… “He Hate Me.” Remember him? OH GOD, WHAT A CARD. Who hates him? Oh yeah, he, he does. He hates him, so He Hates Me. It’s the 21st century version of an Abbott and Costello routine. Who hates him? FIRST BASE!

But more football can’t be a bad idea, right? They could learn from their mistakes, put out a better product this time around, and finally present an alternative league that could give the NFL a run for its money.

No thank you. Reviving the XFL would Vince McMahon’s worst decision he thought booking Al Snow and Big Bossman in a Kennel from Hell match would be a huge draw (wrestling nerds will get that…it’s hilarious, believe me).

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