Does the F-Lot Crew still have that coffin from two weeks ago? I wouldn’t mind laying down, closing the lid, and sleeping forever after watching the Eagles fall to 1-2 on the year after dropping yet another winnable game to the Lions.
This is a new segment at the Coggin. The Blame Game. Let’s throw some blame around for who was most responsible for a putrid loss, let’s get it all off our chests today, and let’s start things FRESH tomorrow for the inevitable heartbreaking letdown we’re bound to experience at Lambeau this Thursday.
Let’s throw some blame around after the jump.
My god, what a 24-hours it’s been. Fame, fortune, women, power, and the cocaine. MY GOD THE COCAINE. I’ve been yakked out of my gourd with fine Bolivian nose candy since Thursday morning as I’ve REVELED in the fame that creating a new MLB statistic brings you.
Last night’s Braves/Phillies matchup featured two starting pitchers so inept they combined for a rare DOUBLE VELASQUEZ, something you’ll be telling your grandkids about one day.
The “Velasquez,” ladies and gentlemen, is sweeping the nation.
We like to truly delve into the philosophical questions of our age at the Coggin Toboggan. What do sports mean to you? What do we get out of them on a metaphysical level? Which Philadelphia announcer would be able to hold onto the WWE’s 24/7 Championship Belt longest if push came to shove?
If you’re not one of the cool, well-adjusted kids like I am and don’t watch WWE programming on the regular, let me explain the 24/7 Championship Belt to you. It’s a championship that is defended 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and serves mainly as a comedic set piece for the professional wrestling juggernaut.
We are officially in the doldrums of summer. The Phillies suck (again) after one fun series with the Cubs before completely shitting the bed against the pathetic Padres, everyone is online arguing about bad chicken sandwiches that will give them type 2 diabetes and my Twitter account is being harangued by people who think “Friends” was just as good of a show as “Seinfeld.”
This is indeed a dark time right now. Still three more weeks until the Eagles and the grim specter of another Flyers season is looming in the Autumn wind to depress us all yet again.
We need to do something big. Something splashy. Something OUT OF THE BOX to infuse this city with some energy.
You know what that means….it’s time to arbitrarily rank baseball movies because I have nothing better to do with my life!
July 22, 2019…a date which will live in infamy. A date where so many innocently logged onto social media and found themselves in need of a new pair of pants.
A day which will be remembered by all as the date the Ben Simmons jump shot video hit the internet and showcased the $170 million man working on the most obvious weakness of his game and displaying what looks to be a much more confident touch on his shot.
My god. His shot is like the sun…it’s so bright and dazzling you can’t stare at it directly or you’ll be blinded from its beauty.
And yes, I know Markelle Fultz did the EXACT same thing last summer and we all went crazy for it. But this is different. How is it different? Fuck you, that’s how.
Markelle Fultz, embattled former #1 NBA pick and scourge of 76ers fans everywhere took to his instagram two days ago and announced he will be hosting a basketball camp at his alma mater Dematha Catholic High School in Maryland from Aug. 5 to 9.
Now, I’m no big city lawyer, and correct me if I’m wrong here, but for one to successfully host a basketball camp one of the most important aspects is that you can successfully PLAY basketball yourself, right?
Maybe hosting a basketball camp when you can’t lift your arm over your shoulder without passing out from the pain may not be the best idea, ehh Markelle?
CollarGate. BurnerGate. Eric Jr. Day. Move on, find a new slant. However you remember May 29, 2018, please take a moment to hold those special memories in your heart and recall this day one year ago when Bryan Colangelo, the biggest stooge in the long and gloried history of the 76ers, revealed his true self and humiliated a city with his extraordinary pettiness.
One year ago Colangelo’s world crumbled. A several thousand word piece of investigatory journalism was published on The Ringer by Ben Detrick, reporting curious “coincidences” of several seemingly random twitter accounts that spent all day, every day, tweeting criticisms about 76ers players, the coaching staff, and praising the moves of then 76ers GM Bryan “Spelled with a Y” Colangelo. An anonymous tip to Detrick and the Ringer got the ball rolling, and before Bryan could wilt away in his large-collared shirts the jig was up.