Cowboys

Festivus is Cancelled Because The Eagles Beat the Cowboys

Sorry folks, put your aluminum poles away. They’ll be fine in the crawl space, believe me, they have a very high strength to weight ratio after all.

I’m sorry to announce that Festivus is cancelled for the year. Why? Because you can’t celebrate Festivus a day after the Eagles embarrass the Dallas Cowboys on national television for the NFC East crown.

Really, what can we complain about? What grievances could we possibly air, Philadelphia, one day after sending the Cowboys back to the heart of Texas with yet another huge “L” in a big spot with many more questions than answers in their future.

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Sam Darnold’s spleen had the best day out of anyone on the Jets as Eagles roll

Well well well, what do we have here. Five games into the season and the Eagles find themselves at 3-2, tied with the rotten Cowboys of Dallas at the top of the NFC East as Dak Prescott threw THREE interceptions against the Packers and couldn’t complete the late comeback.

Not too easy when you’re playing the dregs of the NFL anymore, is it fellas?

Ten sacks. Two defensive touchdowns. Two interceptions. It was a massacre from the jump as Adam Gase couldn’t crazy eye his team to victory and Luke Falk may or may not have shed a few tears at halftime.

Sam Darnold’s spleen definitely let out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t cleared to play in the 31-6 demolition of what could be the worst team in all of football.

On to Minnesota. Random thoughts on the game after the jump:

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Snickers the Possum playing dead game prediction of the week
Snickers the possum.

Snickers the possum.

Hey it’s me, Snickers the Possum! If there are two things in this world that I know, it’s that the Johnson’s poodle got what it was coming to it when it was smooshed by a car and I’m an excellent football analyst!

Now, last week I was a little off in my prediction, but who would have thought Byron Maxwell would suddenly forget how to play football and take a metaphysical dump all over the Atlanta field.

I know it’s a bit of a shock, but even Snickers the Possum is wrong once in a while, but this week is a surefire lock for our hometown Philadelphia Eagles who are opening up Lincoln Financial Field against the hated Dallas Cowboys.

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