Hey it’s me, Snickers the Possum! If there are two things in this world that I know, it’s that the Johnson’s poodle got what it was coming to it when it was smooshed by a car and I’m an excellent football analyst!

Now, last week I was a little off in my prediction, but who would have thought Byron Maxwell would suddenly forget how to play football and take a metaphysical dump all over the Atlanta field.

I know it’s a bit of a shock, but even Snickers the Possum is wrong once in a while, but this week is a surefire lock for our hometown Philadelphia Eagles who are opening up Lincoln Financial Field against the hated Dallas Cowboys.

We’ll see a different squad on Sunday than this past Monday, when Chip Kelly finally establishes the run from the start of the contest to give DeMarco Murray his revenge against the team that shunned him in the off season. And WHAT a game Murray will have! He’ll steamroll the oft-injured Sean Lee like so many of my possum brethren who fell asleep in a garbage can last week and were crushed to death during trash day. It was a slaughter, their horrified hisses and screams will fill my soul with despair for the rest of my life. They’re going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my days.

But enough of my torments, this is serious stuff we’re talking about here! Cowboys! Eagles! One of the best rivalries in football! It’s like the possums vs. the squirrels in our neighborhood, there is just no love lost between us. God if I ever see one of those little rats with fluffy tails I will just snap, think they’re so great. We eat nuts too, it’s not like you have a monopoly on the nut harvest in this town, you bastards.

How do people like squirrels better than possums, by the way? I’m cute, I’m lovable, and I’m not stupid enough to fall into an energy transistor and blow out electricity for thousands of hard working, tax paying citizens.

Fuck squirrels.

But I digress…

Eagles (0-1) vs. Cowboys (1-0)

Point Spread: Eagles -5.5

This will be a do or die game for our beloved Eagles, and it’s only week 2! But that’s what you get when you squander an opportunity against a middling Falcons team and your division rivals complete a last second, come from behind victory over the Giants.

Look for the Eagles to establish the run early and for Billy Davis to call a number of blitzes to take advantage of a Dallas line that may be without starting guard Ronald Leary. No Dez Bryant means a good bounce back opportunity for Byron Maxwell, who was cursed to hell by so many fans this past Monday.

That’s it for this week! I’ll see everyone next Friday if I remember not to fall asleep in the blood stained garbage can like my poor relatives.

Prediction: 27 – 24, Eagles win but do not cover. 

Snickers current W-L record (0-1) and record against the spread (0-1).