If you’re reading this, you’ve likely talked yourself down off from a very high ledge or taken the noose off from around your neck and come to grips with the fact that Joel Embiid STILL has not been cleared to play 5-on-5.

(Not to brag, but I did predict this would happen earlier this morning)

The news broke today during Brett Brown’s lunch with the media session and you can bet your ass Marcus Hayes immediately started stress eating steamer tray after steaming tray of chicken parmesan.

Does anyone have any shred of a doubt left that Joel Embiid will not be ready for the start of the season? Is it that surprising that the team has NOT been forthcoming about one of their player’s health? After he injured himself in January, the 76ers said he didn’t have a torn meniscus…until, well, they reported that he did indeed have a torn meniscus, but that it wouldn’t require surgery.

Until, well, it did require surgery in March.

The 76ers haven’t given an update on Embiid’s health all summer, despite every indication that he SHOULD be completely healed by now from his March 24th meniscus tear surgery.

According to WebMD, a meniscus repair surgery should only take between 3 to 6 months to heal completely and allow a full return to sports. AND THAT’S FOR THE LIKES OF OVERWEIGHT LOSER SLOBS LIKE YOU AND ME. That timetable isn’t for finely tuned professional athletes with nothing to do but rest and rehabilitate with personal trainers.

For a surgery that was declared a success he should be fine at this point, UNLESS something happened to him during his recovery. Everyone’s favorite GM Bryan (with a Y) Colangelo came out today and said he hadn’t suffered any setbacks during his recovery.

Of course, that could mean just about anything.

::Fast forward to the end of the season after Embiid didn’t play a single game and Colangelo is addressing the media::

“Guys, I told you he didn’t have any setback, and that was true. Sure, he wasn’t getting better in his recovery, but he didn’t suffer any SETBACKS. He wasn’t getting any worse, do you see what I mean?”

Just kill me now. The 76ers are shadier with injuries than Coach Bud Kilmer in “Varsity Blues” when he ordered his spineless medical staff to give starting tailback Wendell Brown a dangerous injection of cortisone and wouldn’t reveal the extent of his injuries until Jonathan “Mox” Moxon stood up for him to do what’s right.

It’s exactly like that. Who is going to stand up for Embiid? WHO WILL BE OUR JAMES VAN DER BEEK?

As many of my colleagues have noted, this could be a ploy by the 76ers to put them in a better bargaining position with Embiid’s camp for a long-term deal, but is that any better?

I guarantee you near the end of preseason, on some nondescript Friday before the start of the regular season, the Sixers will “quietly” release a statement to the media that looks something like this:

Philadelphia 76ers announce Joel Embiid not cleared for 5-on-5 contact at this point

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Friday, Sept. 29: The Philadelphia 76ers announced today Joel Embiid will likely miss the first two weeks of the 2017-2018 as team physicians have not cleared him for 5-on-5 participation.

Philadelphia 76ers GM Bryan Colangelo noted that Embiid has “not suffered any setbacks” in his recovery.

“We feel this is what’s best for Joel, not only for the 2017-2018 season, but for his career. I’d like to stress that he has not suffered any setbacks in his recovery and we can’t wait to welcome him back to the team when he’s ready to play.”

“There is no timetable for his return at this point.”

We’d like to take this time to also offer our fans an exciting new investment opportunity in a new E-sports gym Scott O’Neill is bringing to the Philadelphia area…

And so it goes.

UPDATE:

As I’m writing this, Rich Hoffman is reporting Bryan Colangelo believes Embiid will practice and play in first practice and game.

I don’t believe Jerry Colangelo’s prodigal son for a second.