Well well well, what do we have here? Looks like a certain NBA franchise is in need of yet another Bryan Colangelo bail out. Got yourself in another little mess, huh? Need an accomplished GM to swoop in and change your dirty diaper? Kiss your little boo boos?

Let me tell you something, you’re a couple blueberries short of a fruit salad if you think I’ll ever step foot in Philadelphia again.

White knight Daryl didn’t get the job done, huh? BIG surprise. Let me guess….he traded for James Harden again and it didn’t exactly work out? Signed an aging star well past his prime to a big time deal?

What a surprise.

Well I got news for you fucknuts….Bryan isn’t exactly “available” to dig you out of the hole you got yourself into. No sir, life has been pretty fucking sweet since I got the boot from your shithole.

I’ve been UP TO MY ELBOWS in mounds of cooz since calling it quits in the NBA. I’ve been so deep and so hard in so many middle aged women since resigning in 2018, you have no idea. Hell, it’s gotten so bad I keep a bottle of Centrum Silver on my nightstand for whatever retiree is in my bed each night to help straighten them out after a particularly hard fuck sesh.

Because you know Bryan is a thorough lover. I’m doing things you limp dicks could only dream of, things your daddy wouldn’t even consider. I gots all the 55-year-olds forgetting their kid’s birthdays when they’re bent over my foyer credenza. I’ve had more than one hip break on me due to osteoporosis. Do you think they care? Nah, they’re making the backseat of an Uber wet as I pay for their trip to an urgent care.

You think they’re worried about the Markelle Fultz trade? All they’re thinking about is their next trip downtown to Bryan’s bungalow.

Had to invest in a power washer just to hose the pussy juice off my collars after chowing down on each and everyone of your moms’ box. Barbara doesn’t care…she knows a stallion can’t be penned, we need to roam free, but we’ll always return to the stable each and every night if the “hay” is good and filling.

I’m talking about pussy, if you didn’t catch my drift.

No no, the NBA life is no longer for me. Too buttoned up, too STIFF for the likes of me. I mean, fuck, you talk shit on your roster and the city from one or six burner accounts for months on end and you think it’s the end of the fucking world. I was kidding! It was a joke! Nobody has a sense of humor anymore.

God damnit, fucking bunch of dorks in this town. It was Barbara anyways, just like I told the media ::winks::

So here’s a thought….go fuck yourselves. You ruined your chance at the best thing that’s ever happened to any of you chapped asses.

Bryan has moved on with his life. I’m into fine wines now, even bigger collars, and googling the best way to suffocate an elderly father to gain your inheritance without arousing suspicion from law enforcement.

And slurping slizz, can’t forget that. I’ll tell your mom you said hi.