Markelle Fultz to host basketball camp that will disappoint everyone and not live up to lofty expectations

Markelle Fultz, embattled former #1 NBA pick and scourge of 76ers fans everywhere took to his instagram two days ago and announced he will be hosting a basketball camp at his alma mater Dematha Catholic High School in Maryland from Aug. 5 to 9.

Now, I’m no big city lawyer, and correct me if I’m wrong here, but for one to successfully host a basketball camp one of the most important aspects is that you can successfully PLAY basketball yourself, right?

Maybe hosting a basketball camp when you can’t lift your arm over your shoulder without passing out from the pain may not be the best idea, ehh Markelle?

Is this a thing now? Hosting camps for things you can’t do well yourself? If so, Bryan Colangelo should definitely look into hosting a camp to teach kids how to successfully run an NBA franchise and not have to resign in shame after humiliating yourself and your employers.

But when you’re “faithful 2 the grind” and haven’t played professional basketball in more than a year anything is possible I suppose. You have to fill the hours somehow when you’re not rehabbing a mystery injury or publishing mysterious instagram and Twitter messages to your “haters.”

I’ll keep an open mind though. The camp does look fun and I’m sure the kids who shell out $200 (!) to attend will be very happy to watch Fultz sit in the corner of the gym and stare at his phone while his personal shooting coach ruins the shoulders and lives of all camp attendees with drills that injured Markelle in the first place.

And hey, there will be camp giveaways, special guests, fundamental stations, and “competetive” games! I won’t just the misspelling, Markelle, but I will judge your common sense in not having whoever created your state of the art graphic redo the work so you don’t look like a moron.

Who are the special guests that he roped into this camp? Is there any doubt whatsoever that his mom will be one of the guests? Educating the children in attendance on how to keep a watchful, 24-hour eye on your 21-year-old adult son and making him be codependent for the rest of his life? That must be one of the “fundamental stations” at the camp.

Although, if one of the special guests is Colangelo that would make attendance an absolute must. The power duo that nearly felled an entire franchise with their ineptitude and bizarre actions trying to teach children how to be successful basketball players without working shoulders, all while wearing shirts with collars that are far too big would be a must see.

Please make this happen Markelle, you owe us so much.

Sigh. Another insane idea from a young man who looks to be losing any sense of reality or grasp on common sense that he once had. HOW CAN YOU HOST A BASKETBALL CAMP IF YOU CAN’T PLAY BASKETBALL?! Nobody wants to watch you do thoracic outlet stretches for five hours. Nobody wants to watch you wax poetic about how you’re “grinding” to get back on the court.

The whole thing is confusing. Get better, Markelle.

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4 comments

  1. Amazing you had to cover this angle. The amount of comments show how large a readership you must have. What if Markelle is healthy?

    Like

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