I can’t believe this, but did you guys hear about Robert Durst? If you’re familiar, he was a correspondent that we paid, handsomely I might add, to give us his thoughts on the NCAA March Madness tournament.
He had forwarded his resume to us before the tournament started and it looked legitimate. Professional handicapper? Check. Years of college basketball analysis? Check. A perfect bracket in the last two NCAA basketball tournaments? Check plus.
It turns out that Robert Durst…brace for it…was arrested several weeks ago in suspicion of murdering a friend of his in Los Angeles! Everyone at The Coggin was just shocked…he seemed like a great guy! His lifeless, shark eyes were friendly and inviting, and we had no idea there was such a media circus surrounding him.
He’s even being investigated for something about the disappearance of his wife also, or something like that. WHAT IS GOING ON?
Here is what we would post before each one of his articles:
Robert Durst, member of the famed Durst real estate family in New York City, will be helping us pick March Madness games this year. His resume was quite impressive, as he noted that he served as ESPN’s primary basketball handicapper for several years in the early 1980s and 2000s. We haven’t been able to get in touch with Robert since Saturday, but we’re happy to have him aboard!
Typically charging an arm and a leg for his services, Durst has slashed his prices for the Toboggan and will be checking in before each round to give his unique take on the upcoming games.
Looking back on it, it’s almost humorous! Boy, are we embarrassed about this one.
However, we know you people don’t like change and we know so many of you have money on tonight’s game. So, we were able to reach out to Durst in New Orleans and the jail he is currently housed in was nice enough to let him send one email letting us know who would win.
So, here you go people. Again, we apologize, but he seemed like a cool guy to us.
From: Robert Durst
To: The Coggin Toboggan
Hello dear readers of the Coggin Toboggan. A guard is currently monitoring my activity on the computer, so I’ll be murderously blunt.
Wisconsin 71 – Duke 68.
PS: I killed them all of course.
Thanks Robert. We wish you the best of luck moving forward!