Chicago

Eagles fans are laying waste to opposing NFC North fanbases season by season

Who will be next? Eagles fans have slowly drilled themselves into the brains of opposing NFC North fanbases the past two season, needling their way into the subconsciouses of fans and media as the franchise lays waste to playoff hopes and dreams.

Last year we drove Minnesota fans insane after a small traveling group of fans DARED to do the idiotic SKOL SKOL SKOL chant on the Art Museum steps before the mauling of their beloved Vikings hours later.

Their fans are STILL bitching more than a year later after the Eagles threw their fraud team in the garbage can on way to winning their first Super Bowl (in Minnesota, no less).

Look at this poor bastard. I’d wager he tweets about the Eagles at least once a week through tear-filled, reddened eyes.

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“Hossa must have an allergy to hard work,” jokes Chicago sports anchor about to be fired

6-20_marian_hossa_apUnbeknownst to ABC-7 Chicago sports anchor Dianna Hamlin, the veteran sports journalist chuckled to herself during Wednesday morning’s broadcast as she geared up to make a joke about Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa that would surely get her fired within 72 hours.

The 10-year broadcasting vet ignored every spark of common sense that flashed through her brain as she delivered her story that beloved Blackhawks forward Hossa would miss the entire 2017-2018 season, and possibly be forced to retire, after it was revealed he has a serious allergy to his equipment.

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107-year-old Chicago Cubs fan: “That was it?”

cxll4jrk_400x400Chicago, Illinois – Kevin “Kip” Suggerson, a 107-year-old fan of the Chicago Cubs, finally got to see his beloved Cubbies bring home a World Series Championship after just missing out on their first championship in 1908.

From his nursing home in Winnetka, Suggerson sighed deeply as he watched the Cubs celebrate their victory over the Indians. He took off a Cubs cap he has had in his possession since 1932 and looked at it for several moments.

“That was it? 107 years to see them finally win a championship, and that’s it?” Suggerson said out loud, sending his frail body into a coughing fit for several minutes before he could compose himself.

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Chase Utley will only agree to trade if given opportunity to dirty uniform on daily basis

Chase-Utley-PhilliesPhiladelphia, PA – Details are emerging about a potential trade for long time second baseman and face of the Phillies franchise Chase Utley through the waiver wire over the weekend. Despite the injuries of the aged second baseman, several potential contending playoff teams are vying for his services, including the Chicago Cubs and San Francisco Giants.

Utley, however, has several demands of his own, as the veteran can deny any potential trade.

“I’ve been in Philadelphia for a long time. I love playing here, so if I’m going to be traded, I need a guarantee from the team I’m traded to that I will be given an opportunity to get my uniform on a daily basis,” Utley said.

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Editor’s Note: What would Chief Brody do in a situation like this?

This is currently what I’m doing in Chicago while I’m here for my job.

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She’s not right Martin …. Yes she is. ::slam::

Fuck and yes. I couldn’t go an entire day without posting something to the Coggin, would Chief Brody approve? Of course he wouldn’t. Did he moan and pout when the little Kitner boy was attacked and killed in Amity when he should have closed the beaches? Of course he didn’t…he got shitfaced drunk and accompanied Matt Hooper out on his boat and found the wreckage of Ben Gardner’s sloop.

He wouldn’t whine about being on a work trip, he’d just spout something witty, maybe something like, “You’re going to need a bigger boat” and then get over it.

By far the best movie ever. If you’re going to be a fan of the Coggin and tell me you’ve never seen Jaws, I will immediately ban you from this blog.

SMILE YOU SON OF A BITCH … we’ll be back tomorrow.