Chicago Blackhawks

“Hossa must have an allergy to hard work,” jokes Chicago sports anchor about to be fired

6-20_marian_hossa_apUnbeknownst to ABC-7 Chicago sports anchor Dianna Hamlin, the veteran sports journalist chuckled to herself during Wednesday morning’s broadcast as she geared up to make a joke about Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa that would surely get her fired within 72 hours.

The 10-year broadcasting vet ignored every spark of common sense that flashed through her brain as she delivered her story that beloved Blackhawks forward Hossa would miss the entire 2017-2018 season, and possibly be forced to retire, after it was revealed he has a serious allergy to his equipment.

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Patrick Kane: I thought they were saying ‘Go Kane Go’

KaneChicago, IL – Embattled superstar Patrick Kane, currently under investigation for allegedly raping a woman in a Buffalo bar, said he was pleasantly surprised Wednesday evening when Philadelphia Flyers fans serenaded him with what he thought were chants of support.

Kane said he didn’t figure out what the Flyers fans were saying until midway around the third period when a teammate clued him in to the serenading chants directed his way the entire game.

“I thought they were saying ‘go Kane go.’ When (Marian) Hossa told me what they were really saying, well, that was much more hurtful,” Kane said.

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Editor’s Note: Congrats to Kimmo, but where’s our cup?

Kimmo Timonen in a moment of triumph, but where is our Cup?

Kimmo Timonen in a moment of triumph, but where is our Cup?

Sure it was a great site last night. Kimmo Timonen, longtime Flyers defenseman¬† traded to the Blackhawks prior to this year’s playoffs, realized his professional dreams and finally was able to hoist the Stanley Cup at the age of 40. It was a triumphant moment as the veteran broke into tears after kissing the cup, realizing his career was coming to an end on top.

But I ask you, where is our cup?

And when I say “our cup” I really mean “my cup.”

And when I say “cup,” I don’t mean the Stanley Cup. What I mean is my Breakfast on Broad mug promised to me by the fledgling CSN morning show.

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Flyers sign Dan McCord to shore up goalie situation and avoid Sudden Death

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My god look at the flexibility.

Philadelphia, PA – Philadelphia Flyers GM Ron Hextall announced Wednesday morning the Flyers have come to an agreement with free agent goalie Dan McCord, who last appeared in an NHL game in 1995 for the Pittsburgh Penguins in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Championship against the Chicago Blackhawks.

A Canadian-born firefighter, McCord appeared in one game in his career and faced exactly one shot, a clean breakaway save, before he initiated a bench clearing brawl and disappeared off the ice. As the media later found out, McCord was foiling a plot masterminded by ex-federal employee Joshua Foss, who threatened to blow up the Pittsburgh’s arena, the Igloo, if millions of dollars were not transferred into several offshore accounts of his choosing.

At the game with his son and daughter, McCord learned of the plot after his daughter was kidnapped by a terrorist disguised as the mascot of Penguins. He later disposed of the mascot during an all out brawl in the arena’s underground kitchen with a combination of Kung Fu and cunning.

“McCord is a hero, a real Canadian hero, and he also has the highest save percentage of any goalie to ever make an appearance in the 7th game of a Stanley Cup,” Hextall said. “Plus, did you hear about how he shoved a broken chicken bone into one of those thugs carotid arteries? Oh man, that is so awesome. Totally boss.”

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McCord and his children.

While trying to hide from several of the terrorists, McCord entered the Penguins locker room where Pittsburgh goalie Tom Barrasso was suffering from a severe fever. McCord was able to strip Barrasso of his equipment and change into it to avoid detection, even making his way out to the Pittsburgh bench where he was promptly inserted into the game and made his fabulous save to preserve the game for the Penguins.

“That was more than enough to convince us that McCord was the right man for the job. Well, that, and also when he fashioned a homemade dart gun and hid it up his sleeve, using it to shoot a terrorist in the neck when he was in a tight jam. He is the best,” Hextall said.

McCord was scheduled to be at the Flyers morning practice, but was reportedly seen running into the basement of the Wells Fargo Center with a knapsack of plastic explosives and an AK47 strapped across his shoulders.

Dan McCord career stats:

Games played – 1

Save percentage – 100%

GAA – 0.00

Shots faced – 1

Terrorists foiled – 10+

Mascots kicked into a dishwasher and strangled – 1

Federal agents turned bad and set on fire – 1

Broken chicken bones shoved into necks – 1

Days saved – 1

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The DVD cover of the documentary based on McCord’s exploits.