World Series

10-years ago today I missed the Phillies parade because I’m a complete jackass

10-years -ago today Chase Utley dropped an F-Bomb this city had been looking forward to for 28 years. “World champions……WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS!”

10-years-ago at the same time, instead of being shitfaced drunk with my loser friends and going insane in the streets of Philadelphia, I was wearing a pair of old ratty khakis, a $20 polo shirt, and wondering if the shards of my computer screen would mercifully slice through my jugular after I smashed my head through the machine.

Yes. I had to work the day of the Phillies parade, the first championship I had witnessed in my then 26-years of existence because I was far too much of a pussy to tell my boss I wouldn’t be working that day.

In the words of Robert Durst, “WHAT A DISASTER.”

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107-year-old Chicago Cubs fan: “That was it?”

cxll4jrk_400x400Chicago, Illinois – Kevin “Kip” Suggerson, a 107-year-old fan of the Chicago Cubs, finally got to see his beloved Cubbies bring home a World Series Championship after just missing out on their first championship in 1908.

From his nursing home in Winnetka, Suggerson sighed deeply as he watched the Cubs celebrate their victory over the Indians. He took off a Cubs cap he has had in his possession since 1932 and looked at it for several moments.

“That was it? 107 years to see them finally win a championship, and that’s it?” Suggerson said out loud, sending his frail body into a coughing fit for several minutes before he could compose himself.

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Jose Mesa to throw ceremonial first pitch into Omar Vizquel’s back before game 7
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Jose Mesa will rile up the Indian’s crowd before tonight’s deciding Game 7.

Cleveland, Ohio – The Cleveland Indians are pulling out all the stops tonight for game 7 of the World Series, and that includes the pregame festivities.

An anonymous team representative has confirmed that former Indians closer Jose Mesa will throw the ceremonial first pitch into the back of Omar Vizquel before tonight’s deciding World Series game against the Chicago Cubs.

“Yes, I can confirm that Jose Mesa will be participating in the pregame festivities tonight. Hopefully the Cleveland faithful will give him a warm welcome and he’ll pump up the crowd by plunking Omar Vizquel in the back one more time. Just rear back and wing it right between his shoulder blades,” the representative said.

“We can’t think of a better way to kick off this historic night than seeing Vizquel writhing around the ground after being beaned.”

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CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Headline continued in story)
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You were the best, Chooch.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH. Ahh that felt great. One last Chooooch before the beloved Phillies catcher and second to last vestige from the 2008 Phillies World Series team arrives in sunny Los Angeles to reunite with Chase Utley.

Unlike all those dogs that disappeared from my home when I was a kid, Chooch really is going to a better place with wide open spaces where he can dance and prance for the rest of his days.

One last postseason run for the man who hit the shortest World Series game winning hit I’ve ever seen.

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Gotta go BACK IN TIME!

curt-schilling1Yesterday on Twitter, Curt Schilling decided to get political. I know what you’re thinking, you can’t believe this usually even keeled and open minded ex-Phillies pitcher decided to share his political views on the public site.

But to your surprise, and to ours, he decided to let a few opinions be known about Hillary Clinton.

To be fair, we did goad him into it.

Honestly, it didn’t take that much goading. He’s got 159,000 followers, he must look at his twitter nonstop to jump into political fights. By our second tweet he should have known we were just kidding at this point.

And then he never did answer our last question.

If you had told me when I was 10-years-old that in 23 years I would actually be speaking with Curt Schilling on the computer, my brain would have imploded on itself. Me, being yelled at on the computer by the best pitcher in the 1993 Phillies rotation, it would have just been too much.

Well, the only person who is fit to let my past self know about these turns of events is me…so lets hop into the Delorian, kick it up to 88 miles per hour, and get ready to see some serious shit. Here we go.

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MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred declares winner of All-Star Game to be “World Series Champions”
Sorry baseball, that's it for the year. (Photo credit: www.underconsideration.com)

Sorry baseball, that’s it for the year. (Photo credit: http://www.underconsideration.com)

Cincinnati, Ohio – Mere moments after the American League defeated the National League in last night’s All-Star Game, new MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred continued to shake up the game when he declared the members of the American League squad as “World Series Champions.” (more…)