Fuck ya’ll, all ya’ll

HI top fadeEvery so often, the CT will check in with rookie sensation Nerlens Noel and his signature hi-top fade haircut to get his take on the 76ers season so far. We at CT take no responsibility for the opinions of the hi-top or his world views. On to today’s edition:

Philadelphia 76ers (18-58). Who is even on this team anymore?

To all you pieces of garbage that wanted us traded? FUCK YOU. LOOK AT US NOW, MOTHER FUCKERS.

Do you see what we’ve become? Nerlens is playing out of his goddamn mind this entire month. Ever since the 76ers traded away that fraud Michael Carter Williams III and we get to play with a real point guard, Nerlens has just been killing it. He dropped 30 on the Clippers last week. 30!

Coach Brown is actually running plays for us at the final minutes of a game. We are a forced to be reckoned with.

And my man Furkan Aldemir, my front court partner, has been throwing his weight around ever since being named the starting center for the rest of the year. That Turkish bastard is legitimately out of his mind. He hides shivs made out of carved plastic spoons that he gets from the cafeteria in his socks before each game and threatens Ed Snider whenever he sees him. I don’t think he knows who he is…

Before each shoot around he cuts open his palm with a rusty knife and smears it across his face. He hasn’t spoken to anyone in weeks, he just stares into his locker before each game, writing out threatening notes to opposing players in his own blood. He gets the ball boys to deliver them in person to the other locker rooms.

Thank Christ he is on our team and we don’t have to play against him.

So come on, get your asses down to the Wells Fargo Center for these last few games of the season. Do you want to spend $75 on a Flyers ticket to watch Craig Berube start Zac Rinaldo and run Steve Mason out of town? Are you even kidding me with the Phillies, who gives a shit about opening day?!

Sixers baby!

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