Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

I…where do I even start? Three straight weeks, hardly any correct picks, it’s been and out and out nightmare. Sure, the Eagles proved us wrong and got a victory against the Falcons, but at what cost? They made us look foolish and I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF BEING MADE THE FOOL.

It doesn’t get much easier this weekend, as the Eagles (5-4) are going west to take on the Seattle Seahawks (6-2) and hopefully not commit suicide like Kurt Cobain after the game. It’s a dreary region, I’m just saying is all. Don’t think it would be a bad idea to take Nigel Bradham’s guns away from him if they lose….

Eagles Win-Loss predictions: 3-6

Eagles spread predictions: 3-6

DARK. Oh well. The Eagles are a 6.5 point underdog, so it’s time to bring out the big guns. So, who exactly will be making our Eagles picks this week?

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The 2016 94 WIP vs. 97.5 FM the Fanatic Survivor Series

wwe-survivor-series-ppv-logoThis Sunday, the WWE is hosting its annual Survivor Series PPV, which pits teams of five wrestlers against each other in an elimination match to see which team is the ultimate “survivor.”

This year, due to the WWE’s brand split, teams of Raw wrestlers will be pitted against teams of Smackdown wrestlers at the PPV. Sound nerdy? You bet it. Sound pointless? Oh my yes.

But it got us thinking at the Toboggan….who would win a Survivor Series type match between on-air personalities of the two sports talk radio stations in Philadelphia? NO LOVE LOST BETWEEN THEM, GANG.

This is what we do here at the Toboggan…waste hours of our time thinking of participant entrance songs, trademark maneuvers and alliances for imaginary wrestling events between two radio stations.

On an unrelated note, could anyone suggest a good divorce lawyer?

So here it is. We’ve identified the two teams (each consisting of four participants) and how we think the match would go down. Also, in true WWE Survivor Series fashion, the participants in the match are not necessarily the top performers at either station (though a few familiar faces will be seen).

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Philadelphia Sports Talk Survivor Series.

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Ron Hextall cheers up Steve Mason, a play in several acts

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Steve, cheer up buddy. Just because you lost the game for us in the last two minutes doesn’t mean you have to be nervous about your job security.

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Thanks Ron. Tough one last night.

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Yep, exactly. Would have been much better if you had been able to shuffle your fat ass across the crease to stop the world’s slowest wraparound attempt. But yeah, don’t worry about it.

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Ron? You ok?

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No no, really, just don’t worry about it and focus on the next game and how you’ll blow it for your hard working teammates and how you’re forcing me to drink more than I want to and spend more time on the phone looking for a goalie who can stop the GODDAMN puck.

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It’s just one goal Ron, I’ll do better next game.

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I should slash you right across those weak hamstrings of yours, you piece of garbage.

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…..

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…..

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…..

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Get the fuck out of my office.

Carl Lindros delivers stirring Hall of Fame acceptance speech for son
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Carl Lindros’s son.

Carl Lindros, father of one of the newest members of the Hockey Hall of Fame, Eric Lindros, accepted the induction and delivered a speech on behalf of his son, despite Eric being healthy and present at the induction ceremony.

Carl beamed at the podium as he thanked the assembled crowd for the great honor.

“I’ve worked so hard to go where I am. This is just a culmination of the years of blood, sweat and tears that I’ve put into my son,” Lindros said, wiping tears away from his eyes as Eric looked on from the side stage.

“I did it. I can’t believe it, but I’ve finally reached the pinnacle,” he said.

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Exciting weekend of football let down by Patriots/Seahawks nightcap
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Yuck.

A nation of football fans were treated to a spectacular weekend of professional and college match ups, as the #2, #3 and #4 nationally ranked college teams lost in nail biting fashion and the NFL hosted several of the finest games its seen all season.

However, the vaunted Patriots vs. Seahawks Sunday nightcap didn’t live up to fan expectations.

In a national survey, fans who stayed up to watch the 31-24 Seahawks victory felt disappointed that they didn’t witness a career ending Tom Brady injury or a stadium collapse that enveloped both teams under tons of rubble, concrete and rebar.

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Who will make our Eagles picks this week?

I guess being so poor at picking games is softened by this country slowly moving down a conveyor belt hovering over rapidly spinning thresher blades. It’s only a matter of time, people, before we see the four horsemen of the apocalypse riding roughshod through the sky. IT’S THE END OF DAYS, REPENT, REPENT FOR ALL YOUR WORTH YOU NONBELIEVERS.

But hey, Eagles this weekend! Eagles! 4-4 and teetering on the edge of the volcano with the high-powered Falcons offense coming to town. What’s a conservative estimate for Julio Jones’s performance this Sunday? 180 yards and 2 touchdowns? I’ll consider it a victory for the Eagles horrendous secondary if he stays under 200 yards receiving.

Anyways, somehow this game is a pick-em. I figure we’d reach out to someone who is on Cloud 9 after Donald’s big victory this week to give us his prediction for the Eagles game at 1 p.m. on Sunday.

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97.5 the Fanatic’s Jason Myrtetus can suck eggs
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A real cool dude.

I swear this is the last political post I’ll make in lieu of the 2016 election finally coming to a close. I’m sick of it, I’m sick of people arguing about it, and it’s time to move forward.

But damnit, there’s one thing stemming from this that still bothers me.

Jason Myrtetus, a producer of Mike Missanelli’s afternoon drive show on 97.5 the Fanatic, decided to tell listeners yesterday that he decided not to vote in the 2016 election.

Was he too busy creating a new, fake racist caller to replace Dwayne from Swedesboro? Maybe there was a two for one sale on turtle wax at his local Walmart and he had to stock up to keep his head nice and buffed?

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BREAKING: Excerpt from Melania Trump’s victory speech released

melania6-1With the stunning news that Donald Trump upset Hillary Clinton in last night’s presidential election, the future First Lady Melania Trump leaked a portion of her victory speech to the media this morning.

Trump will likely deliver the speech today or tomorrow. Here is the newly released excerpt:

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The Eagles are terri….OH MY GOD THERE’S AN ELECTION TODAY?!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god….is there an election today? There is, isn’t there? I saw people lining up around the block at my local community center and figured something had to be going on…and when I got into work this morning people were all talking about the “polls” and sporting their “I voted” stickers.

That finally tipped me off that something was going on.

Is it for President? Oh Jesus Christ it’s for president, isn’t it? Everyone is going to think I’m an IDIOT when I don’t share my opinion. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Who is even running? Ok, don’t panic, we can fake our way out of this, just go to Google.

::Googles 2016 election, gets back 150 billion results::

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It’s official, the Eagles are worse than the stomach flu
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The face that launched a thousand buckets of puke yesterday.

My kid has had the stomach flu since Wednesday. This house has been filled with puke, shit, tears, and all sorts of horrendous bodily fluids since early last week, some of them even from him.

Whether or not the puking/shitting was caused by him actually watching the first quarter of the game with me is yet to be determined.

Good LORD that was terrible. Doug Pederson basically had a stroke on the sidelines and decided to leave 6-points on the field in a crucial NFC East game and now the Eagles are where they belong, in the mother fucking basement.

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