I guess being so poor at picking games is softened by this country slowly moving down a conveyor belt hovering over rapidly spinning thresher blades. It’s only a matter of time, people, before we see the four horsemen of the apocalypse riding roughshod through the sky. IT’S THE END OF DAYS, REPENT, REPENT FOR ALL YOUR WORTH YOU NONBELIEVERS.
But hey, Eagles this weekend! Eagles! 4-4 and teetering on the edge of the volcano with the high-powered Falcons offense coming to town. What’s a conservative estimate for Julio Jones’s performance this Sunday? 180 yards and 2 touchdowns? I’ll consider it a victory for the Eagles horrendous secondary if he stays under 200 yards receiving.
Anyways, somehow this game is a pick-em. I figure we’d reach out to someone who is on Cloud 9 after Donald’s big victory this week to give us his prediction for the Eagles game at 1 p.m. on Sunday.
I told ya! I did told ya! Donald Trump is my president in 2016 and the world is sweet. It is SWEET. Finally, we have a white male back in the White House. White House….it’s not the Woman House or the Black House for a reason.
All you libtards who thought Crooked Hillary had a chance, I told ya. She’s a crook, through and through.
Now with Donald leading this country into the land of milk and honey I never again have to worry about one of those trans folk using one of my bathrooms or being treated like a human being ever again. It’s the way god intended and the way Donald wants it. God, all those trans folk in my bathrooms, looking at me with their delicious bodies, their soft lips, their gorgeous hair….they make me feel some very dangerous, real, true feelings that I eventually express through my blustering thoughts on the dangers of homosexuality. I blame them for me having to suppress my real urges and desires by spending most of my free time posting hateful messages on Twitter.
I ain’t no homo, so nobody should be either. The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve for a reason, even though I do find thoughts of Steve entering my fat head on a regular basis. But with Donald in the White House, that’s all going to go away!
You know, this victory almost makes up for me getting fired from ESPN for being a racist, makes up for me being one of the most hated men in the country, makes up for me being a complete embarrassment to my family and definitely makes up for all those late nights I spent in secret on websites like http://www.throbbinghammer.com or http://www.purplehardhelmet.com. Can you imagine what that’s like? Having to hide your true self from your family….it’s exhausting, but with Donald in Washington we’re going to make this country and Curt Schilling great again.
Oh yeah, football predictions….ummm….to be truthful whenever I try to watch football I get distracted by the tight pants so I’m not sure who is good this year.
Eagles 16, Falcons 35.