The Afterlife – High atop a throne of clouds, God, ruler of all things Holy, commented on a recent Reddit thread that asked if fans believed he was “punishing” the City of Philadelphia’s sport teams for cutting Tim Tebow.
The thread, which can be seen here, has garnered hundreds of responses from local fans.
God vehemently denied said rumors, but mentioned he was “most certainly punishing” Philadelphia.
Philadelphia, PA – Not believing his rash of bad luck in the past week, 76ers center looked skyward after news released of his traffic stop on the Ben Franklin Bridge for driving 108 MPH and jokingly told his teammates “at least it’s not raining!” before going to field questions from the media.
Minutes later CIA agents were arresting the embattled rookie for high treason against the U.S. government.
“We had reason to believe Mr. Okafor was selling some of our most sensitive nuclear secrets to the Chinese,” said CIA spokesman Richard Grant. “After a high tech sting with some of our highest operatives, we have reached the rock-solid conclusion that he is one of America’s greatest internal enemies.”
Easy there Tom, kids go on this blog!
So it’s the day after Thanksgiving and we’ve all got families to hang out with and hangovers to get rid of. Or, if you’re like me, you’re sitting by yourself in your one bedroom apartment looking at the loaded gun on your dresser and wondering if TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY you take the easy way out!
Lucky for you, today is not the day (and I need to remember to buy more bullets) so here are some more greatest hits if you care at all. I know I don’t.
Enjoy!
The induction of Tatanka as the first ever member of the Coggin Toboggan Hall of Fame.
Our interview with standup comedian Doug Benson.
Pat Burrell comes to town one last time.
Carli Lloyd signs the most lucrative women’s soccer endorsement deal of all time.
Happy Thanksgiving from The Coggin Toboggan!
While you’re enjoying your turkey and hanging out with your family, just remember that some of us are squatting in the basements of vacant homes, stealing internet from a nearby children’s hospital and plotting our revenge against ALL WHO HAVE WRONGED US.
Enjoy some of the favorite articles we’ve written in the last year.
John Chaney appears in Owls locker room at half, gives speech, disappears into the fog.
Chase Utley’s alleged takeout slide of Marcus Hayes in Phillies Clubhouse explains so much.
Punch throwing, fight picking radio host still offended at Chase Utley’s profanity use in 2008.
Reports from Eagles practice describes “incredible freakout” by Les Bowen
Philadelphia, PA – Several sources have cited that a number of 76ers are questioning the official height of the baskets at the Wells Fargo Center.
When questioned, several on the roster went on record and have claimed the rims are “much higher than 10-feet tall.”
Philadelphia, PA – Lane Johnson’s recent comments about Lincoln Financial Field not offering a home field advantage because of apathetic fans has cemented punter Donnie Jones as the most likable member of the 2015-2016 roster.
It’s rare for a punter to hold the prestigious ranking on any football team, but with such an unlikable cast of rogues on the roster this year Jones found himself on top of the heap Tuesday afternoon.
Oh god, why Rod?!
Philadelphia, PA – A supposed night of closure and redemption turned into a night of true shock as Rod Brind’Amour turned heel and railed against the city that loved him so dearly.
The evening started off on a high note, as Flyers play-by-play man Jim Jackson introduced him to the roaring crowd.
Brind’Amour walked out of the tunnel after being announced, smiling and shaking hands with familiar faces. Jackson presented him with a “Brind’Amour Cup” and team dignitaries thanked him for his years of service to the team.
Philadelphia, PA -Adding another wrinkle to a horrendous season, Darren Sproles and Mark Sanchez had to be separated by Jason Peters at the end of yesterdays game as the two had a brief, but noticeable, argument on the field.
Snippets of the argument were caught by the high-powered NFL Films microphones on the sideline of the game.
The Coggin has the transcript:
The Coggin Toboggan has received information from its sources at both sports talk station about tomorrow’s popular sports talk shows. We have received some very rough prep sheets about what each show will be discussing tomorrow.
Obviously these could change, so if not all of the items are touched on during the shows you’ll know why.
94 WIP
Morning Show
Philadelphia, PA – Adding insult to injury for the beleaguered parent company of the struggling Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News, the Philadelphia Media Network was forced to levy a lawsuit against its caviar provider for the “sub-par quality” of its salted fish eggs.
Philadelphia Media Network has the food shipped fresh, daily, to it’s offices on 8th and Market for the enjoyment of all the high-level officials at the company.
