QUICK. Without looking it up, can you tell me how the Flyers season ended two years ago? Can you even tell me how their season ended LAST year? Did they make the playoffs? Was that the year Steve Mason let in a 90-foot goal against the Rangers? Or was that they year they lost in seven games to the Rangers? Didn’t they get swept by the Capitals a few seasons ago? Or was that the season they fall apart after a 10-game win streak in January and missed the playoffs, or does that happen every year?
Is Jeff Hackett still on this team? Derian Hatcher? Rob Esche? Luke Schenn? Michal Handzus?
Is Maxime Oullet EVER coming up to be the Flyers goalie of the century?
Outside of the miraculous, out of nowhere Stanley Cup run in 2010, the last 20 years of the Flyers franchise have been one long singular blur of wasted opportunities, wasted primes, and first round playoff flame-outs. The only singular identity this team has had over that period of time is the comically inept ability ability to find a franchise goalie since Ron Hextall left for the second time in the late 90s.
Ironically, the one time they actually found a young, franchise-worthy goalie they shipped his ass out of town and signed Ilya Bryzgalov to a 35-year, $250 million contract (or maybe it just seemed that long and expensive).
Watching this current team lose in overtime yesterday to the Pittsburgh Penguins as two goalies I’ve never heard of traded opportunities to blow several leads, I realized that during my adult life the majority of seasons for the Flyers have played out exactly the same.
They’re just there, in the background of our fandom. Nothing but ambient noise. No more, no less.
Philadelphia, PA – Teammates practicing at the Flyers Skate Zone yesterday were tipped off to Claude Giroux’s snub from Team Canada for the upcoming World Cup of Hockey as they were greeted by the captain “really going to town” on the punching bag set up in the facility’s fitness center.
Several were surprised to see Giroux reportedly “wailing” on the piece of exercise equipment before the scheduled practice.
Philadelphia, PA – An eerie feeling came over the Flyers Skate Zone yesterday, almost as if every single active member of the roster suddenly realized that without the Eagles to occupy most of the city’s attention, they would now be the prime source of hope and attention for the city’s rabid fan base.
An ashen faced Claude Giroux addressed the media after a sloppy practice, where it was evident the entire team had reached the same epiphany and were already crumbling under the weight of Philadelphia’s expectations.
The Afterlife – High atop a throne of clouds, God, ruler of all things Holy, commented on a recent Reddit thread that asked if fans believed he was “punishing” the City of Philadelphia’s sport teams for cutting Tim Tebow.
The thread, which can be seen here, has garnered hundreds of responses from local fans.
God vehemently denied said rumors, but mentioned he was “most certainly punishing” Philadelphia.
Philadelphia, PA – Disgusted by the 15 minutes he watched of the Flyers 5-2 loss on Thursday night against the Washington Capitals, Kenneth Franklin, 49, dropped a bombshell of an idea on his drinking buddy as the two exited McGlinchey’s Bar after a few beers.
Franklin, who has never played a minute of hockey in his life and watches the game sporadically throughout the season when the 76ers are not on TV, levied an idea that would bring the franchise to its knees with its brazenness.
I’ve watched 16 minutes of the first period of the Flyers game against the Edmonton Oilers, who are 4-8, and have outshot the Flyers by 16-2 so far.
The Eagles are so bad this season the fan base practically begged the Eagles to seriously consider parting ways with draft picks to trade for Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick was benched this week in favor of backup QB Blaine Gabbert, the very same Blaine Gabbert who has thrown more interceptions in his professional career than touchdowns.
They want him to replace Sam Bradford. Bradford has the longest sleeves in the NFL. That’s the only positive you can mention about him this season.
It’s going to be a shitty winter. Perhaps Phil Connors said it best, “I’ll give you a winter prediction: It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”