The Afterlife – High atop a throne of clouds, God, ruler of all things Holy, commented on a recent Reddit thread that asked if fans believed he was “punishing” the City of Philadelphia’s sport teams for cutting Tim Tebow.
The thread, which can be seen here, has garnered hundreds of responses from local fans.
God vehemently denied said rumors, but mentioned he was “most certainly punishing” Philadelphia.
“That Tebow kid? He’s a weiner. He’s one of God’s children, sure, and I love him, but he’s so damned preachy,” God said. “Oh no, Philadelphia knows why I’ve damned it and all of its denizens to a lifetime of suffering through horrendous teams.”
While not going into details of why he did not enjoy Philadelphia, he alluded to several incidents that may have turned his feelings against the City of Brotherly love.
“Let’s just say the PPA was not my idea. Overdue tickets…are you kidding me? That website is a nightmare to pay fines on too,” he muttered to himself. “But perhaps I’ve said too much.”
God reportedly chuckled when a reporter asked him if this was the “worst time to be a Philadelphia sports fan.”
“If you thought you had it bad before, well, maybe you should just become a Yankees fan now and save yourself a lot of heartache. Or stick around for next week if you’re a fan of Claude Giroux and attempted murder trials.”