Philadelphia, PA – Not believing his rash of bad luck in the past week, 76ers center looked skyward after news released of his traffic stop on the Ben Franklin Bridge for driving 108 MPH and jokingly told his teammates “at least it’s not raining!” before going to field questions from the media.
Minutes later CIA agents were arresting the embattled rookie for high treason against the U.S. government.
“We had reason to believe Mr. Okafor was selling some of our most sensitive nuclear secrets to the Chinese,” said CIA spokesman Richard Grant. “After a high tech sting with some of our highest operatives, we have reached the rock-solid conclusion that he is one of America’s greatest internal enemies.”
It was another blight against Okafor within just a few days, as the rookie’s decision making abilities have come into question of late. First, video was released last week showing Okafor engaging in a fist-fight outside of a Boston nightclub, then reports came out in the media of Okafor having a gun pulled on him by a heckler several months ago.
Yesterday, it was confirmed Okafor was stopped for driving over 100 mph on the Ben Franklin Bridge, and today he has been indicted for high-treason and faces life in prison or death by firing squad.
“The organization stands behind Jahlil, and believes when all information comes to light he may face the lesser charge of sedition or espionage,” GM Sam Hinkie said.
Okafor was last seen with a burlap sack over his head and being led to an unmarked airplane that may or may not be heading to Guantanamo Bay.