Philadelphia, PA – Adding insult to injury for the beleaguered parent company of the struggling Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News, the Philadelphia Media Network was forced to levy a lawsuit against its caviar provider for the “sub-par quality” of its salted fish eggs.
Philadelphia Media Network has the food shipped fresh, daily, to it’s offices on 8th and Market for the enjoyment of all the high-level officials at the company.
“It’s despicable when I have to come to work and not have the high-quality caviar I’m accustomed to for my toast points,” owner Gerry Lenfest said.
“I think I can speak for everyone at this company, and everyone who has ever worked at this company, that this is the worst thing that’s ever happened here. Ever. Especially in the last two months,” Lenfest said, sighing heavily as he sat down upon his velvet office chair, an underling handing him a ruby encrusted scepter and hand feeding him pitted grapes.
Lenfest said it was especially a shame that something like this could happen so close to the holidays.
At press time, the 46 laid off Inquirer and Daily News journalists experienced a rush of karmic joy as an unknowing Lenfest ate a spoonful of listeria tainted fish eggs.