Before the Celtics could count their money and head over to the Sizzler for some surf and turf, the slow, white, geeky chump T.J. McConnell hustled the shit out of the Celtics and sent them packing back up to Boston for a series that suddenly feels just a TAD bit different than it did Saturday night.
T.J. McConnell is the biggest hustler since Billy Hoyle terrorized the Venice Beach courts in White Men Can’t Jump.
Someone check the off-shore betting sites or the sports books in Vegas. Were any massive bets made on the 76ers to win the series after they fell down 3-0 after Saturday night? If there were you can bet they were made by McConnell.
He suckered them in like Billy Hoyle hustling Sidney Deane.
Billy Hoyle: “See, the thing is you guys look at me me, you see the backwards hat, the gray socks, the funky outfit and you say, now, this guy’s a chump, am I right? A fucking geek, exactly. But what you don’t realize is it ain’t easy…it is hard goddamn work making something this pretty look like a chump, or a geek, so I must be doing it for a reason….”
Does he need money to pay off a gambling debt from his college days? Does he have a gorgeous Latino girlfriend with the world’s most annoying voice? That remains to be seen…but you know he can definitely hear Jimi.
Philadelphia, PA – For the third Valentine’s Day in a row, 76ers center Nerlens Noel turned down Valentine’s Day plans with his teammates to take out his “smoking hot girlfriend from Quebec” for a romantic night out.
Noel said he and “Suzie” had dinner reservations at Fork in Old City for 7 p.m. and then would likely retire to his Philadelphia apartment for a “serious make-out sesh.”
Philadelphia, PA – After blowing a late fourth quarter loss to the Sacramento Kings, several members of the 76ers looked longingly towards the Kings bench and wondered what it would be like to be part of a stable franchise.
The Kings are currently nine games under .500.
“Look at them. One star center, a few complimentary pieces, it must be nice to play in Sacramento day in and day out,” Jahlil Okafor said of the Kings, who for the past month have publicly leaked reports about firing despised veteran head George Karl and have players openly rebel against the franchise.
Philadelphia, PA – Several sources have cited that a number of 76ers are questioning the official height of the baskets at the Wells Fargo Center.
When questioned, several on the roster went on record and have claimed the rims are “much higher than 10-feet tall.”
Philadelphia, PA – Despite losing their 12th game in a row to open the 2015-2016 NBA season, morale in the 76ers locker room remained high after Brett Brown informed the team they would indeed be allowed to keep their jerseys after the season ended.
“No fooling? You mean I get to keep this jersey? That is just way too cool!” 76ers rookie TJ McConnell said to Brown. “That is so killer! I’m going to wear this everywhere I go, awesome! It even has my last name on the back of it, just like the pros wear!”