Has he reached his lowest point?
Philadelphia, PA – Dennis Rodman, known partier, alcoholic, and friend of North Korean despot Kim Jong-Un, was confirmed today as a special guest for Wing Bowl 24 by WIP Morning Show host Angelo Cataldi.
Many close friends and family members of Rodman hope this will serve as a wake-up call for the Hall of Fame basketball player and show him how far he’s sunk.
The Coggin Toboggan has received information from its sources at both sports talk station about tomorrow’s popular sports talk shows. We have received some very rough prep sheets about what each show will be discussing tomorrow.
Obviously these could change, so if not all of the items are touched on during the shows you’ll know why.
94 WIP
Morning Show
Philadelphia, PA – Several attendees of the Cataldi family weekly Eagles party confirmed yesterday that a sheepish Angelo Cataldi attempted to change back into a Sam Bradford jersey he had enthusiastically shed after the first quarter of the Eagles games Sunday afternoon.
Reports claim Cataldi began the game in his Bradford jersey, but threatened to remove the garment after Bradford’s first interception was thrown on the Eagles second possession of the game. After Bradford’s second red zone interception before the end of the first quarter, Cataldi reportedly made a “huge deal” about how he “was finished with Bradford” and stomped upstairs to his bedroom.
When he returned, he was wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey and vociferously began calling for Bradford’s benching.
Philadelphia, PA – A few weeks ago, 94 WIP held a roast for Philadelphia Phillies legends Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams at the Electric Factory, where the two alums were heckled for nearly an hour and a half by local comedians and some of their sports peers.
However, just a few clips on YouTube have emerged of the event, leading many to wonder why more highlights have yet to come out? Whispers and mumbles from the crowd at the roast have been slowly leaking out from the event, but very few concrete details have been confirmed.
What happened at this thing?
When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.
Here at the CT, we are big fans of the moves the Eagles are making (not so much the decision to not re-sign Maclin, but everything else is going fairly well). They all make sense financially, talent wise, and show a desire from the franchise to explore new options instead of doing the same things over and over again.
An added benefit of the bevy of roster moves being made by the Eagles is the effect they will have on the local media, especially one Angelo Cataldi.
We’re not huge fans of the notorious flip flopper and anything that will take an extra step into handing him a massive stroke is just fine by us.
He’s been on the air for a few hours by now. Is his speech slurred? Has he been nonsensical? Ahh perfect.
In other media news, Howard Eskin tweeted this out at 9 p.m. Sunday evening.
That’s about an hour after the news of Maclin’s plans to sign with the Chiefs was all over Twitter. Really not breaking any news there Howard.
Also, note the twitter handle. Yeah, that’s not Jeremy Maclin’s. It’s this fellows.
That’s some great reporting, Howard.
Philadelphia, PA – Perhaps belied by his impromptu, off-the-cuff take down of Howard Eskin during last Thursday’s press conference, Philadelphia 76ers GM Sam Hinkie performed nearly a 15-minute routine in which he insulted just about every sports media member in attendance.
“Where is Howard Eskin, that in the middle of a werewolf transformation mother fucker,” Hinkie asked, borrowing a line from the late Patrice Oneil. “Is he still in Florida? Tell him Andy Reid is in Kansas City and needs his dick sucked.”
Hinkie left his podium and delivered several biting, blistering lines to the stunned members of the Philadelphia press he had invited to the conference.
“Oh you didn’t like that I traded Michael Carter Williams last week, Angelo? You don’t know what a father should tell his son who has a Michael Carter Williams jersey? I’m not sure about that, but that father should definitely tell his son not to listen to some ancient hack columnist whose legacy will be that of morbid obesity in the form of a wing eating competition,” Hinkie said, his face inches away from Cataldi’s. “I wouldn’t fuck your fat pussy with Rhea Hughes’ cock.”
He moved around the room with the precision of a surgeon, stopping in front of each reporter to levy more insults, each more personal than the last.
“Have you seen these new advertisements the Daily News is putting around the city for Marcus Hayes? Great strategy. His fat fuck face is so swollen it needs the side of two bus stops to fit on. His picture looks like he smells like a combination of rotten cheese and garlic.”
Hayes reportedly wept softly for the remainder of the media session.
Capping off the massive insult session, Hinkie went into overdrive and described the following members of the media as such:
– Dei Lynam: “How does she still have a job in this town? I’d say it was nepotism if she were better looking.”
– Les Bowen: “This old mother fucker can’t go to a funeral without people wondering how the corpse got out of its coffin.”
– John Gonzalez: “Someone check his green card, he’s taking a job away from a more talented American journalist.”
– Jim Adair of Crossingbroad – “Watching this goofy bastard take shots on the Wells Fargo Center court this offseason made me realize there are certain ‘athletes’ out there that you can’t trade for a second round draft pick. Piece of shit looks like someone who has forgotten to take his seizure medication.”
As of press time, Marcus Hayes was seen still sobbing in his car in the parking lot.
KJ McDaniels throwing down a vicious dunk over old geezers Angelo Cataldi and Howard Eskin.
When The Coggin Toboggan wants to get serious it turns its coverage over to its editor and founder to bring everything to a screeching halt. Goodbye funny, say hello to self pity and depression.
At this moment, Wednesday, Feb. 18, the Philadelphia 76ers are by far the most entertaining sports franchise in this city, and definitely in the best position moving forward. It’s much more exciting to watch a team developing a group of young, energetic players than pretend to care about the Phillies upcoming season or watch the Flyers struggle to fall into the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.
For a team that many thought wouldn’t win more than 10 games this season, it’s hard to deny the team actually has a bright future, though many can’t see it at the moment.
Don’t listen to Angelo Cataldi or Howard Eskin, who regularly call out 76ers GM Sam Hinkie for his out of the box strategy. He’s actually DOING something with this team, instead of wallowing in the 7th and 8th seed of the Eastern Conference playoffs year after year. My memory isn’t too great, but I don’t recall Cataldi or Eskin crowing over the 2008-2009 76ers and their 41-41 record, which culminated in a first round exit to the Orlando Magic. I’m fairly sure Cataldi didn’t talk for entire segments about how inspiring and entertaining Willie Green played during that year.
Also, as I recall the two were kicking the 76ers for not drafting Doug McDermott, passing him over for Dario Saric. Saric hasn’t played a game for the 76ers, but was recently named the MVP of the Euroleague. Doug McDermott is averaging 3 points a game for the Bulls, plays about 9 minutes a game and has recently been seen kicking kittens down the sidewalk of the street he lives on (may not have happened). That’s not going to vault your team into the upper stratosphere of the NBA.
Watching young guys on this team who wouldn’t get a chance or the minutes on other squads is the most entertaining aspect of Philadelphia sports right now. Would Robert Covington get a chance to play anywhere else? Nope. He just played in the Rising Stars game over All-Star weekend. KJ McDaniels is getting more minutes than he would see anywhere else. Better to have him playing now than rotting on the bench behind someone like Jason Richardson.
Hinkie is like a guy who is smart enough to reset his Playstation when his Madden team is being blown out by 56 points in the first half against the computer. Something’s not working, so it’s time to start something different. It will take more time, but why keep playing the same way with the same results when you’re doomed to failure? It’s time to reset and start throwing up 50 yard hail mary’s on fourth down, calling for triple reverses and kicking onside kicks after every TD.
Lets remember these points in three years when the 76ers are one of the top three teams in the East so we can systematically boo Eskin and Cataldi off the radio when they try to jump on the bandwagon.
“Rowdy” Rob Ellis, really cutting it loose in his 94 WIP station photograph.
Philadelphia, PA – Citing the need for an experienced radio veteran to kick off its morning coverage, 94 WIP program director Spike Eskin announced Tuesday that Rob Ellis would be promoted from his bi-monthly 3 a.m. radio show to a twice weekly 5 a.m. position.
Ellis will be on the air each Monday and Friday from 5 to 5:30 a.m. With breaks, Ellis will be on air for a grand total of 9 minutes.
Upon hearing of his “promotion,” Ellis was said to have sighed deeply and then looked lovingly at a replica rifle mounted on the station’s wall.
“We really feel this is a great spot for Rob. He’s shown he can handle some adversity this year, and we think this will be a great lead in for Angelo Cataldi and the Morning Show,” Eskin said. “You can get into some salient sports talk in 9 minutes, believe me.”
Eskin said it will be Ellis’s duty to gain ground in the “Insomniac and cocaine addict” demographic so dominated by 97.5 the Fanatic.
It’s been a trying few months for Ellis, as he lost his mid afternoon drive position with Anthony Gargano to Josh Innes and Tony Bruno. He was demoted to the 6 to 10 p.m. position, and then to a 3 a.m. slot twice a month.
His station parking spot was also given to the sandwich truck Josh Innes frequents on a daily basis.
“Rob’s a professional. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a product he can put out there twice a week for us. He knows what he’s doing,” Eskin said.
After agreeing to the deal, Ellis was told he will also be responsible for three live reads a show, which will reduce his on-air sports talk time to three minutes a show.
You’ll really hate Steven Singer after spending $300 on a gold-dipped plate of shit.
Philadelphia, PA – Steven Singer, owner of Steven Singer Jewelers, a popular jewelry store that run advertisements on 94 WIP, The Howard Stern Show and the Opie and Jim Norton show, revealed a new direction his store would be taking for the remaining two weeks until Valentine’s Day.
Traditionally, Steven Singer Jewelers offers a different colored gold plated rose each Valentine’s season. Having run out of this year’s “butterscotch” colored rose with two weeks left in the season, Singer had to scramble for a solution.
“Just grab anything you can from the office, I don’t give a fuck what it is. Staplers, a cordless phone, a telephone book….anything at all god damnit!” Singer reportedly screamed to employees at his store on the corner of 7th and Walnut. “Anything that can fit in the gold dipper, just do it you fucks. People will buy anything that’s plated in gold, lets sell these blue collar slobs anything we can. Move move move!”
Singer could be seen running through his jewelry store, grabbing office supplies and scraps of his employees lunch, anything that he deemed “gold dippable.”
“Every year, every goddamn year we don’t have a correct estimate of these fucking gold-dipped roses. Dip faster people, dip fucking faster, we need to get these into the display cases!” he screamed. “You there! Four eyes, drop those glasses in that gold dipper or you’ll be out on your ass selling cubic zirconias with that Robbin’s Rocks fucker in Delaware.”
So pretty.
Steven Singer Jewelers delivered several new live reads to 94 WIP, which will be running up until Valentine’s Day on Saturday, Feb. 14.
“Come in to Steven Singers Jewelers on the other corner of 8th and Walnut for your limited edition, gold-dipped chicken wing bone Andy Reid left here from 2007. Only $300 for this one of a kind, gold dipped masticated chicken wing your wife or girlfriend is sure to love,” Angelo Cataldi read over the airwaves Wednesday morning.
As of press time, window shoppers passing by the store could see a one of a kind, gold-dipped Pat Burrell discarded condom he left in the back room of the store in 2008.
The very subtle Wing Bowl 23 logo.
The most morbidly obese eating challenge in Philadelphia is nearly upon us, as Wing Bowl 23 is set to kick off at the Wells Fargo Center on Friday, Jan. 30. Originally developed by 94 WIP Morning Show’s Angelo Cataldi as a way to fight the stereotype of Philadelphia being a city filled with only gluttonous, boorish, drunken blue collar slobs, the Wing Bowl opens its doors each year for thousands of gluttonous, boorish, drunken blue collar slobs to get shit faced at 4 a.m.
If there’s anything this city likes more than drinking and watching fat guys eat as many chicken wings as they can in 30 minutes, it’s gambling on fat guys eating as many chicken wings as they can in 30 minutes. The CT has released a list of odds on the favorites in the competition, as well as a few long shots who just may take home first place in the competition.
As it has been in the past, first place for the Wing Bowl is an all expense paid trip to Jefferson Hospital for an emergency stent procedure.
The Favorites:
• George “The Dumpster” Hammerstein – 6:1 to win – Hammerstein was recently diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, which shows his dedication. May miss the competition, unfortunately, if he can’t have his foot amputation surgery rescheduled.
The Long Shots:
• Mick Foley (aka Mankind, aka Dude Love, aka Cactus Jack) – 30:1 – Former professional wrestler Mick Foley signed up for the competition several weeks ago (no, it’s really true). The Hardcore legend is rumored to have a bottomless stomach, but has shown an unwillingness to show up to events if his barbed wire wrapped baseball bat is not allowed through security. Will have to focus on eating wings and resist urges to smash folding chairs across other competitors’ backs if he wishes to have success.
• Ryan Howard – 40:1 to win – Current Philadelphia Phillies first baseman signed on for the competition in lieu of preparing for spring training. When asked why he thought he had a chance to win, Howard proclaimed “Philadelphia fans have been calling me a fat piece of crap all year, so I’ll fit right in here.”
• A sense of dignity for anyone involved in this shit show – 1,000:1 – Don’t waste your time.
The Coggin Toboggan 